They hate Mother's Day...?

This Sunday is one of the biggest days of the year because we do get to honor mothers.
Not everyone is as excited though..., we hear more & more about the people who cringe as Mother's Day rolls around.  There's a blog post that's gone viral this week.  The blogger writes an "open letter" as "non-mom" and it's a plea, and a tongue-in-cheek warning. Many people whom I deeply respect are all gaga about this open letter.  But I'm baffled at the positive response people are giving it.  Click here to read the blog: "an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day"
I've read this open letter blog post over several times.  She threatens to take her toys and go home if the pastor asks the moms to stand  (she said she might just walk out of church if the pastor asks the moms to all stand)?  This is hard for me to comprehend. There are people though, who get downright upset over Mother's Day, or at least the way we celebrate it in church.  Some people are practically protesting Mother's Day, insisting preachers tone down their Mother's Day message?

Motherhood is like an Olympic sport, and just as Mom climbs the platform to receive her Gold medal, we're told there are people who were disqualified from competing, so...?  I guess fairly soon people will write to Hallmark, raising the fact that seeing Mother's Day cards in the grocery store is painful?

Motherhood is so lofty & virtuous it deserves our fullest respect.  To respect & honor moms is not an attempt to remind people left wounded by motherhood of the pain they feel, it's focused on celebrating the ideal -- and there's the rub.  When we as a culture celebrate Mother's Day, this isn't an insult to anyone -- Mother's Day isn't a time that people are "rubbing it in your face" because of whatever misfortune you've suffered from.  It's a wonderful time to show our appreciation to the most influential people in our lives.

To cease the fuller celebration of Mother's Day, is the logical equivalent of subduing the joy one family holds as their child is baptized, because it reminds another family of their prodigal.  This isn't a slippery-slope philosophy  it simply comparing a closely related example.

There are different levels of pain we feel at Mother's Day.
I imagine the first few Mother's days, after a mother passes away, are bittersweet.
Not unbearable, but certainly painful, yet as you reminisce, perhaps you can still smile?
You look back fondly at memories from childhood, and you miss your mom.  Thankfully, those who have had mothers who have passed away don't seem to resent Mother's Day.

Sadly, not all moms stick around, and then again, some who stuck around maybe should've split...  I don't know what it feels like to miscarry or to not be able to conceive, but I can also see how this Sunday is a very painful reminder of the void many women must feel.  There are moms who failed their families and there are those who would love to start families and become mothers but can't -- and the pain is too great to allow them to fully celebrate Mother's Day.  I respect that, but still, we should want to stand up for the many-more healthy experiences too.

There are people who have legitimate issues with motherhood, but I think most often this disdain for Mother's Day is a lot like the people who have a hard time with Christmas music playing in the shopping malls or the school Christmas pageant.  Does this mean we don't publicly want to celebrate wedding anniversaries as much, because too many people have divorced or choose to remain single these days?

I hope I don't come off as insensitive,  but I'm not sure why the rest of society is always expected to give into the exception?  I find it offensive that so many people are jumping on the Hush-Mother's Day bandwagon.  I'm sorry if Mother's Day is a sad reminder of the deepest pain in your life -- I hope you can find it in your heart to extend grace this Sunday.

Vengeance, it's more dangerous than you thought...

Vengeance is popular; it's socially acceptable.  The plot of many stories, major movies, and TV series, -- all thrive on revenge.  Narratives throughout the ages have tapped into this most basic human experience.

But.  You've known from your youth, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
You know the Bible's strong warning to not take vengeance.
You've never heard of anyone who was very successful in "getting sweet" revenge...
Still you entertain the idea.  Don't do it, it won't end well.

Have you ever asked: Why is vengeance so unhealthy, for those seeking to dish it out?

For starters:

• When we seek to take vengeance,  we are saying to God, "God, we can do your job of judging and repaying people for the wrong they do, better than you can..."

• Revenge consumes us.  The old Chinese proverb, "If you seek vengeance, dig two graves." This proverb doesn't mean that revenge is instant suicide or that you are in an immediate danger.  Eventually, revenge drains the life out of you.

• Vengeance never quite satisfies.  Your loss isn't returned.  Your act of vengeance doesn't compensate for or bring back the past.  The most extreme example of this truth is: If you had loved one die, no amount of vengeance will bring them back to life.  

• Vengeance doesn't drag you down to your offender's level; it lowers you below their depravity.  

• One area you might not have considered though, is vengeance is deceptive -- it's completely based in lies.  You don't announce your sneaky plans.  You don't warn the target.  Sure, you spout out, "I'll get you back -- you'll pay for this!"  But that's a threat at the time you use to wound the other's emotions, to cause fear, to bully.  It's not honest and open.  Revenge only works when you lie.  You lie to yourself, thinking that the revenge will make you happy or happy again.  And, you have to lie to your target.  Revenge won't possibly work if they know your tactics or your timing, so you have to maintain the lie to make your fatal move...

So basically, vengeance make you neurotic, rots you from the inside out, dishonors you, and turns you into a liar.  Let me know how that works out for you.

Reading Darwinism though the Bible's lens

As a follower of Christ, I draw certain conclusions about reality from my understanding of the Bible.  One conclusion that is simple to me, is the origin of the universe.  I see the handiwork of a Creator in the Big Bang.  Even though I disagree with Darwin's idea on evolution and I disagree with his disciples's view of the origins of all physical-matter, I am deeply enriched by reading widely from authors who are Darwinists.  I find many benefits of reading widely, even from reading people who hold the complete opposite views on natural/supernatural realities.  

One of the best books on understanding people I have ever read was "The Social Animal" by David Brooks.  I couldn't put the book down.  It was based on research about how our brains and our emotions control us. It was written not as a textbook with quoting dry data, but written as a narrative, I'd even say in the form of a parable, on the lives of two people from pre-birth to death.  I literally was so moved by the book, I cried as I read the ending!  The book as as "Pro" Darwin as you can get, and I loved it!

Another great author, who embraces Darwin and who has blessed me is Daniel Pink.  I could go on listing several, phenomenally talented authors, who write about important ideas but hold contradictory belief systems.  My point is, I have read several books written from an anti-theological/militant-Darwinist perspective and I have grown personally from these works.  My faith wasn't shipwrecked.  I guess the old saying about reading books is like eating fish, has some truth to it.

Some of you might think this is risky to one's faith, reading books from an evolutionist's perspective.  I guess that might be true for some who have a fragile faith to start with; for me it has strengthened my faith.  I've read on all kinds of subjects from the inner workings of the human brain to multidimensional universes, to physics and math, to leadership and emotional intelligence -- and all written from people who believe when we die we cease to exist.  These authors no more believe in God than I do a "man on the moon."  And, I've grown so much from their writing, it pains me to think where I'd be if I refused to read their books because their core ideas clashed with my faith system.  

For me, the benefits of reading authors who strongly embrace evolution and reject the supernatural,  include becoming more articulate in important conversational realms.  It has also contributed to the formation and personal ownership of my Christian faith.  No doubt, I have grown intellectually too along the way here.  I want to add, you can't say you don't believe "Darwin" if never read him, or, you reject modern scientific conclusions, if you don't really know what they are.  That type of an anti-intellectual approach is embarrassing, and has done more harm to the Christian faith.

Final thought: Throughout history, both science and the church have gotten it wrong, plenty of times. We must admit we are all on a growing curve.  Plus, theories on science are transient; who knows what the next 200 years will reveal.  A worthwhile question to mull over as you compare and contrast your beliefs is: Which system can offer a why?  In other words, science can offer a "what" when it comes to investigating physical realities, but it will never be able to offer a "Why" as to reason there is in existence the very cosmos it is investigating.  Humanity can live any "what" but it is driven by the "why"

A few words on the subject of Marriage

Below is my newspaper column from earlier this month.  The responses from folks who read it in the paper have been very encouraging.  

......................

The night I met Tammy, I knew I was going to marry her -- I knew she was the one!  I had a girlfriend who I was dating for two years at the time I met Tammy, and my friend Pete who I’ve known since kindergarten thought he was Tammy’s date the night I met her...  But I was smitten.  I broke up with my girlfriend and doggedly pursued Tammy till she gave in.  We were 19 years old when we married and we didn’t go away on a honeymoon...

Now’s a good time to celebrate!  This month, my lovely wife and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary.  My wife and I feel very blessed to still have each other to love and to hold, to be there in sickness and in health, and to fulfill our vows -- till death do-us-part.  We’ve raised our four boys together, living in a few states through the years.  We’ve traveled together across the Atlantic and across the mighty Mississippi river, serving God.  And, we’ve learned the secret to lasting love.

The secret of loving each other and supporting each other for a quarter of a century...  the secret is loving the other more than you love getting your way and it’s loving that other person more than you love being right.  Compliment more, much more, than you criticize.  Learn how to argue without fighting-dirty and be quick to forgive.  Give & take, sacrifice, showing respect, and dishing out a lot of grace both ways can go a long way to making a happy home.  And as Charlie Rich sang a generation ago, spending lots of time together “behind closed doors” helps too!  

Perhaps you need to know this, it’s not always easy for people to stay married.  It takes work.  It takes time.  It takes energy.  It takes commitment.  Maintenance.  Love, really, isn’t a feeling as much as it is a choice.  Love will not see you through tough times, if love is “how” you feel at the time.  We know this too well.

Sadly, we all see people who live with miserable marriages, barely maintaining their sanity.  Always at odds their mate.  They fell out of love, or so they say.  Hostility and animosity and ugly-hatefulness, instead of love and compassion and connectedness, describe their daily hell.  We all see people throwing in the towel, calling it quits.  This is one of the reasons my wife and I like to “brag” about the longevity of our marriage, not to show-off or brag in the immature sense of the word, but to show people God can do miracles with your marriage when you both let Him.

The divorce rate in America is around 50%.  I’m really sorry if you are there.  I have heard divorce compared to fighting a skunk in a phonebooth.  I almost found this out the hard way.  I’m not proud of the person I used to be -- I’m ashamed of the way I mistreated my wife, early on in our marriage.  We went through some rocky times, early on in our marriage, before we became Christians.  I was arrested three times for domestic violence, and for a time we were separated -- facing down divorce.  

I couldn't blame Tammy for filing for divorce, in my opinion physical abuse is just another form of unfaithfulness.  I would urge any couple to seek counseling in an abusive situation before you divorce -- but I wouldn’t say you should stay in an abusive situation because “It’s the Christian thing to do.”  Divorce is a sticky topic, but the physical and emotional dangers of an abusive marriage are too deadly to brush off.  

Mysteriously, those painful times actually drove us into Christianity.  So, we can confidently say, any marriage is salvageable and can be fulfilling and happy, if you both want to work on it and let God bless you.  I’m truly hopeful for every troubled marriage I hear about -- because we made it by God’s grace, we know you can too.  Hold onto hope, it won’t disappoint.

Our life experiences in our personal marriage has helped our family to be a little more understanding, accepting and nonjudgmental with people who have faced dark days in their relationships.  I’m also proud of New Song church, where we love and embrace people who hurt deeply -- even if their marriage sadly dissolves.  No judgment, no punishment; we are a healing presence.  Visit our website to see what we are planning for marriages on April 20th: http://newsongchurchkpt.org/Reignite_seminar.html

Thankfully, Tammy was able to squirrel away some money from her subbing job and she’s going to spoil me!  Sometime soon, for the first time ever for the two of us, we’ll go on a cruise for a belated honeymoon -- 25 years later.  Together.  No kids.  All I can eat. Heaven on... well not on earth, so much as on ocean.  We want to reward ourselves and celebrate this wonderful milestone in a memorable way that honors and cherishes our love.  Celebrate your victories, work on your marriage, and never lose hope.  

The toughest Monday of the Year:

Mondays in ministry can be tough.  You run the Sunday morning message over again in your mind, mentally catching mistakes you made or thinking of a great point that you should have brought out, but you didn't think of at the time.  You think of the people you touched and the responses you sensed from people who you can tell are hurting in life, and sometimes you simply know the morning message was good, but it wasn't the cure-all you hoped it would before them. And you realize that Sunday's coming again in 6 days...

I used to think that the toughest Monday of the year was the Monday after Easter.
The Monday immediately after Easter this year, I was wore out.
Exhausted.  Wiped out!
Being so tired, felt great -- the type of fatigue in ministry where you have a great sense of accomplishment.

It's that next Sunday, the Sunday one week after Easter though, where you have to be careful with your feelings.  As a minister, you can kind of look around and "see" who came back.  It would be tempting to be discouraged, because the correlation between extra visitors and your sense of identity in ministry can often be closely connected.  And then, the Monday after that following week hits you -- and you run the Sunday after Easter through your mind...

And remembering that Sunday following the week of Easter  -- I remember it's a good thing I'm not doing this all on my own.  I start to remember all of the help I had from other people we worship with in church, those who made Easter great.  And I think about my family's involvement in making Easter great.  And I think to the excitement people in church shared... And you ask, was God honored, because that seems to be all that really counts in the long run.  And if we got that right, everything else will fall into place.

Daily, I utilize Evernote on my Iphone.  I catch all my thoughts I want to store.  I have all kinds of folders, some for future sermons, thoughts on projects we are working on at church, blog ideas, article ideas for Wineskins, class ideas, ideas for my newspaper column, books I'm working on.  And then, I keep a great "to do list" in Evernote.  Mondays, sometimes I open my "to do list" and wonder, how will I get everything done? More importantly, on the Monday one week after Easter, I reflect on the question, are these areas in my "to do list" the best use of my time & energy?

Lessons I learned... door-knocking:

If you aren't familiar with the term "door knocking" it's where people go from door-to-door, knocking on your door, inviting you to church.  Sounds like fun, huh?  Some would even say outdated?  I find it interesting and inspiring, but I know -- I'm a little weird.

This week, in preparation of our Easter service,  I got the bright idea to knock doors in the neighborhood surrounding where we meet on Sunday mornings.  I've been out door knocking several times throughout the years, so this experience wasn't new to me.  A few lessons hit home for me this week, and I'd like to share what ran across my mind while I was door knocking:

• As a minister, I have no right to expect the folks I preach for, to invite random strangers to worship with us, if I'm not personally doing that.  Is door knocking the best form of evangelism,  or the most productive?  No, but that's not always the point though.  I think friendship evangelism is the best, where you share your faith naturally, within a friendship that already exists.  But beyond that, I feel we have a responsibly to share the good news with all people, or at least as many as we can, and sometimes that means we need to create opportunities and open doors.

• If we as a church can't at least invite the people living within eyesight of our location, we really are shortsighted.  We can't really call ourselves evangelistic, if we aren't out encouraging people who see our cars parked every Sunday morning in their neighborhood.  The corollary to this is, we really can't be effective in reaching out to our region if we neglect the people we pass every Sunday on the way to worship.

• We need more patience.  This truth is twofold: Number one, when you knock on a door, and you have to stand there and wait for a response,  you realize how fast-paced our lives are and we really don't wait for much these days.  Secondly, not every person you talk to is going to run straight to church, throw up their hands in surrender and beg to become a Christian, at least not on your first visit.

• Without being impatient,  we need to regain a sense of urgency.  People are dying without the Lord, and, Jesus is coming back someday, any day really.  Somehow the feeling of urgency is rekindled when you knock on a few doors.   

• Something else occurred to me this week too.  We live in a really diverse community.  When you slow down enough to walk through another neighborhood and examine the architectural differences, really see the lawn ornaments people display, and smell the aroma of houses that cook differently than you do, you get a whole new view and appreciation of your town.  You suddenly realize these are real people I've been driving past week after week, and while not everyone lives the same way we do, or sees the same priorities we see, yet we have to meet people where they are; not where we expect them to be.

Finally,  we don't pray enough.  I'll share a quick story with you as an example.  Last week on my first day out door knocking, I was approached by a homeless man.  He was walking down the sidewalk, across the street from where I was while I was knocking doors, and he yelled out to me, so I crossed the street to talk to him...

He was in rags, his shoes were falling apart, his shirt was missing several buttons.  He had grime under his fingernails that seriously looked to be 20 years old.  I know this firsthand, he held out his hand to shake mine, and he didn't let go for quite some time.  My guess was, it had been well over a decade since he last bathed.

He asked me, "Did the Lord Call you?"  I said, "Yes."  He asked next, "What did He call you to do?" I said, "To share the good news of Jesus."  He then asked me, "What are you doing?"  And I said I was out inviting people to our big Easter service,  so I handed him an invitation card and invited him.  He thanked me and walked off with the card.

About 20 minutes later, the same homeless, shabby looking man approached me again.  We had some more small talk, and he asked me an unusual question, at least it seemed surreal at the time... He wanted to know what he could pray about, because he was going to be praying for me...

What is "church"?

After stumbling across this, I felt it is too good not to share and too important to not comment on:

 

A few quick thoughts:
The main reason churches flounder, stagnate or become irrelevant,  is because they lose sight of their identity.

Churches are immobilized when they lose their sense of direction &  lose sight of the real purpose of the Christian faith.

Whenever we become inward focused or forget our faith is meant to be multiplied and shared, we die.

I'm inspired by videos like this one, and kudos to the folks who produced it!