Changing Habits/New Year's resolutions the right way

 

“Tis the season” for fantasizing about New Year’s resolutions. Contemplating a gym membership yet? Beyond slimming down your waistline, consider also beefing up your biblical core. “For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” (I Timothy 4:8).

Major lifestyle changes not only intimidate us, they also fall under the frustrating “easier said than done” category. How will you reach your resolutions? Will you follow a fad, pop a miracle pill, plaster a poster on the wall? There’s a multibillion-dollar “self-help” industry for a reason, right?

Impatience interferes with changing our habits. We expect instantaneous results, while ignoring how our habits were formed over a lifetime, and we get discouraged if we don’t somehow change overnight.

We hate feeling enslaved to any habit, for example, like being hooked on tobacco. It took time, but I quit chewing 30 years ago when I was up to two tins a day — change is hard, but hard doesn’t mean impossible.

One school of thought states that our habits follow a cue, a routine and a reward. The cue is what triggers your actions, the routine is the behavior, then the reward is the sense of satisfaction you feel from the experience — just tweak those and voila...

So, how do we really change our habits? Good intentions alone will fail to transform us. Motivation is necessary, but it’s insufficient. What we need is someone cheering us on.

New Year’s resolutions often flounder because they’re just swayed by seasonal influences. Worse yet, they rely on willpower — whatever area of life you want to change, forget trying it by yourself. Whether you want to kick bad habits or kickstart good ones, lean into our faith of “one anothers.” Christianity is about transformation through fellowship. If you have one person in your corner rooting for you, you are more likely to succeed.

It’s true for folks who want to eat healthier, exercise more or simply take steps toward bettering their life. If you want to read your Bible more and watch less TV, get back into a church, be present for your family more, or simply go walking after supper every evening. It’s harder going solo. Just read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 and see.

So yes, plan to lose weight, quit smoking, eat better, pay off your credit card debt, get on a budget, whatever else you can think of to be healthier and happier — just not alone. We think we are stronger than we are. Perhaps we are when it comes to facing challenges, perhaps not when it comes to change.

It’s difficult to overcome our dependence, independently. Embracing our weakness sounds counterproductive, yet the way of the Cross is surrender and submission. It’s about death to self, it’s about His strength being sufficient, it’s about obedience to the Holy Spirit, and it’s about encouraging fellow believers. The key to successfully changing is mutual interdependence, in any and every season.

First published in the TimesNews click here

Oh, you showed me

 

To all who made it a point to teach me a lesson and who “showed me” I say thank you. 

You showed me, those who wanted to punish or alienate me that I was stronger than my fears.  You taught me how to overcome and that feeling sorry for myself isn’t necessary.  You gave me the courage to face even greater challenges.

To those who showed me, unconditional love, thank you for showing me I am worthy of love and fellowship.  You taught me the value of acceptance and the joy of receiving grace.  I didn’t deserve your kindness and yet you blessed me anyway.

To those who somehow saw talent, ability, and strengthens within me, thank you for the courage to invest your time in me.  You taught me the importance of mentoring and the rewards of edification.  I could never have reached my potential without you.

Whether they wanted to hurt me or help many people have shown me truths about myself I would never have imagined possible myself.  People who sought to enrage me or encourage me have all played a vital role in shaping me into the person I am.  So, I say thank you to you who “showed” me.  

Spend time with Amish people

Tammy and I stopped at the Powell mountain overlook on the way to the Amish Fellowship 

 Over the last few years we have pumped concrete for Amish contractors in our region, and it has been a great blessing. In fact this year I pumped concrete for them at their community center, it happened to be on my birthday. Tammy told them it was my birthday, so they sang happy birthday to me, they had the little children sing hymns, and they made coffee and donuts for me. I cried.  It will forever be etched in my heart and my mind, that day was truly special.  

Tonight, Tammy and I were invited to that same community center for a fellowship meal. It was delicious.  They slaughtered two hogs yesterday, cooked them in the ground the old fashioned way, and had all the sides. Their apple Pie was the best we’ve ever had. 

I share all this to say, you really should spend time with Amish people. I’ve spent a good bit of time with them over the last few years working, and I believe you’d be enriched by knowing the Amish too. 

You probably think of their clothing and culture and think, Why? Why get to know them and why are they so different?

Here are some reasons I think it’s in our interest to mingle with the Amish:

They model modesty. Our over sexualized world could uses a dose of sensible sensory stimulation, or more accurately non-stimulation. Obviously they know about intimacy, they seem to have 6 to 8 children in each household. 

They are family centered people. Who you marry matters to them.  The children and their rearing are a priority.  They have established families and bonds that many of us could learn from.

The have great moral bearings. We live in a world where we lack trust in our government, schools, and scientists.  Ethics and morality seem to be neglected by and large, mostly ignored by nearly everyone it seems, and it’s good to be around a community of people like the Amish who value wholesomeness. 

They live simply. They make their own clothes, raise their own food. Educate their own children.  There’s something to be said for the independence they have, their self sufficient lifestyle. None of their kids had their noses glued to a screen. The 10 year olds carried on their hips the infants. The adolescent ones listened to adults in conversation.  The teens acted like young adults, mature and friendly and polite and respectful.  

They have traditions that ground them. Do I agree with them and long for the traditions they have, some yes others no. The tradition of their ancestors and culture isn’t the important reason or the draw, the tradition and their ability to pass on their heritage and traditions and the inter generational cohesion is admirable. You have to witness it for yourself perhaps to appreciate the beauty and impact.  

They are people of the earth, you could say the salt of the earth. They follow the seasonal pattern of planting and harvesting, they care for the livestock. They enjoy an abundance of blessings living an agricultural existence, one that most Americans have run away from. Less than 6% of us live on a farm anymore, we might have traded off more of the good life then we bargained for when we “advanced” our standard of living.  

They’ve also made a habit of centering their communities around worship.  The majority of people claim some sort of religious belief, but less than 40% of Americans attend church. The Amish have built their world around their faith, while many of us build our faith around the world. 

It’s pure escapism to fantasize about shirking our worldly responsibilities or living off the grid and getting back to nature. We are too addicted to technology and comfort. Which I’m part of. I’d be a hypocrite to say otherwise.  I’m not advocating that you ditch your job in the city and move into the Amish paradise nearest you. And yet. 

And yet, I believe it would do our souls, all of us, good to spend time with humbly-minded, loving, trustworthy people who champion a healthy lifestyle that deserves more respect and appreciation from us. I consider the Amish I know to be genuine friends. They make me laugh, have made me cry. They make me feel welcome. And I feel better about this world and my life whenever I’m around them. 

Appreciation for those who rescue us

On Friday the 13th it’s simply superstitious to be afraid of experiencing an unlucky tragedy.  As silly and spiritually-unhealthy as this sounds people seem to be more in tune to potential calamities, tending to worry more about their safety today than on other days.   But have you considered, saving others from danger is rarely safe?

Too often we take for granted the heroic people who serve our community, brave people who step in and save us from all sorts of dangers, our police, EMTs, and firefighters deserve our respect.  I’m reminded of John 15:13 whenever I think of people who risk their safety to rescue us: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

Saving others from danger is rarely safe, yet for some placing themselves in harm's way comes through a personal sacrifice.  There are people who actually relinquish their vacation time and days off to free up their time to serve Kingsport -- a group most of us mistakenly think are on the city’s payroll.  They not only volunteer their time to rescue us from every type of catastrophic incident imaginable, but astonishingly these folks actually raise the money themselves to purchase the expensive vehicles and lifesaving equipment that are required to rescue us.  (See their website here: Kingsport Lifesaving Crew)

Whether it’s a natural disaster or an industrial accident, from cave and trench rescues, to swift-water and remote rescues, to extracting victims from demolished vehicles, to many other dangerous scenarios (you have seen their heavy-crash truck which looks much like a fire department vehicle and their light rescue vehicle which looks like an ambulance) these highly trained folks with specialized skills are on call 24/7/365.  Not only do they donate their time, they completely depend on grants and charitable contributions to outfit the organization.  

Until recently, I had no idea the Kingsport Lifesaving crew operated as a volunteer organization, or that they raised their funding.  Just because this knowledge increases my appreciation for the folks on the Kingsport Lifesaving Crew, this doesn’t lessen my respect or appreciation for those on the city’s payroll who place themselves in danger to rescue us as well; it is simply a different type of appreciation.  

Both the paid professionals and the highly trained volunteers serve us in times of great need, and we would be in dire straits without these brave individuals.  I doubt our police and firefighters show up just for a paycheck, it is in a sense a ministry when you think about it -- when you combine their efforts with a volunteer organization dependent upon donations, our admiration naturally increases as well.  

Paul wrote in Romans 13:7, “Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.”  I hope as a community we honor and appreciate these brave folks who stare down danger and step in to save us.  Thank you to everyone who forfeits their comfort, risks their personal safety, and who stands in the way of danger to rescue us -- I don’t believe in luck, but I do believe in you.

Originally published in Kingsport Times News:

Click here for the newspaper version

 

Should you read “Tucker”?

 

Without glossing over his mistakes and freely sharing his regrets, Tucker shares his thoughts and feelings openly, these often feeling like stream of consciousness ideas are woven throughout as Moore brings out tidbits of information and background on Tucker throughout the entire book.  It was a somewhat bittersweet read, I’ve been a huge fan for years, but there’s a sophomoric side to Tucker that lacked class and was disappointing as well.  

Whether you think Tucker Carlson is brilliant or a bombastic buffoon, scholar or showman, insightful iconoclast or shortsighted grifter, you might consider reading Moore’s biography.  Will this book help you determine if Tucker is sincere or a snake oil salesman, a sage or simpleton?    The book is an opportunity to form a better informed opinion of one of the most influential people in today’s marketplace of ideas.  

Carlson has been labeled a racist, bigot, and homophobe.  It could be a calculated ploy or something otherwise, but it’s telling that Tucker allowed Chadwick Moore the opportunity to write this bio considering Moore is an openly gay man.  Tucker's longtime TV producer, Wells, also is gay, and the book goes to great lengths to expound on Well's "marriage" and the close working relationship Tucker shares with Wells.  

To have an honest critique of the man, don’t just hate a caricatures of Tucker, that is immature.  Moore is no Walter Isaacson or Ron Chernow but he’s good enough for what he does here.

What Moore does here is give a background into Tucker you probably haven’t been exposed to.  Charmed or privileged, you decide.  He definitely had opportunities many do not, but he also worked hard to make the most of the advantages he received.

You learn about Carlson and the life that shaped him. From his mother abandoning him at a young age, to being raised by his permissive father, to growing up in California, to his educational background, you get an inside look at Tucker you won’t find anywhere else. 

You might be surprised to read about his close friendship with Hunter Biden.  His continued admiration of Rachel Maddow.  Or his stint working at PBS. Or how he failed to graduate from college. Or his decision to abstain from alcohol after years of functional alcoholism.  Or, that he doesn’t own a TV, wear deodorant, or socks.  

Why should we all read this book? Carlson held record ratings on Fox, and his Twitter/X videos have had hundreds or millions of views. He is a lightning rod controversial subject, but he’s not without influence. Cultural differences aside, anyone with the audience capacity Carlson has should be looked into beyond one’s personal preferences. 

Tucker Carlson is just about as polarizing is Donald Trump, but he seems to be way more interesting. As with any celebrity or public figure, you see a side of them they want you to see. I don’t doubt this book is promotional for the author and the subject, and you have to filter what you read, but even so I think this book holds value.  

Fortunately the book isn’t presented as an idyllic gushy “oh look at perfect me” by any stretch.  Even though I appreciated learning more about him, I lost some respect for Tucker while reading the book.  

His gratuitous swearing seems juvenal.  For someone who makes his living in communication, he should know swearing is lazy.  I cringed at the repeated F bombs, not because I’m a prude but the repeated swearing felt so tacky, tasteless, and it simply lacked class. It seemed like a huge contradiction to the persona he tires to portray.  

In the end, the book left me with mixed feelings.  I like Tucker and his approach to current events.  I didn't like everything he had to say or how he said it when he was being quoted in the book, which I guess is healthy, I'm a fan (still) but I'm not a follower.  

Why travel: The magic of the moment

Tammy and I just returned from the U.P of Michigan.  It is a land of birch trees, hardwood-forests, lakes, and friendly people.  Very friendly!  My eyes were opened to more than just God's beautiful creation as we sat alongside Lake Superior at the uppermost tip of the U.P.  

I had an epiphany of sorts as we lazily strolled along the rocky shoreline of a lake that looks ocean-like when you try to take it all in.  For the first time in my life, I feel like I finally found the truest value in traveling.  I was so inspired by the sensation, I sat down at a beachside picnic table and tried desperately to capture thoughts that were rushing a thousand miles an hour through my brain.  

If asked to choose between buying a new car or an equally expensive trip, the practical side of us logically would lean towards getting a car.  The practical side of us would practically scream, "buy the car!"  You can't keep the trip or the travel, so why spend the money, time and effort to travel?  What if instead of seeing traveling as an optional luxury, we saw it as an activity that needs to be prioritized? 

 

Traveling might just be the best way we refresh and relax, but that is a paradox because, traveling is expensive, inconvenient, it's down right exhausting.  Booking flights only to zip though the terminal hoping you are on time.  Renting rooms that are less than spotless, at times.  You miss your own pillow, the comforts of home, and the ability to raid your own fridge anytime you want to.  

So with all the hazards and hassles, why travel?  Or better yet, why is travel good for your soul?

A change of scenery is good from time to time, even though it comes at a cost.  What is about travel that makes it so beneficial and therapeutic? 

Yes, new and different sights stimulate our minds, causing us to see life in a new way, to think new thoughts, but more than these, travel causes us to grapple with time.  Specifically, to wrestle with the here and now.  

It is difficult to be present in the moment, and to be aware of being present in the here and now.  Travel is an intangible gift, you can't hold onto it, but you enjoy it all the more because it is passing, but you are in the moment, present, and alive.  

We can't keep anything of traveling.  Souvenirs are merely talisman, miserable ones at that lacking any magic at all -- they are keepsakes, touchstones, but in the end just mere reminders.  Travel itself, the eating foreign foods, seeing the unfamiliar, meeting people who speak-think-act-sound differently, you can't package up those experiences at a roadside tourist trap.  

Travel reminds us of the transient nature of life.  Visiting, journeying, the pilgrimage -- the act of traveling itself is so beneficial and necessary for our wellbeing because it is perhaps the one time in our lives we are attentive to "the moment."  Yes, the trip is stored in our memories, but what is in our mind isn't transferable with an exchange of currency, it can't be mounted on the wall, frozen in place, or saved for later.  

Travel is about "now."  It is exciting, stimulating, interesting, entertaining, only as it happens.  

We live in the now but our minds are perpetually shifting elsewhere, ebbing and flowing like the tide, drifting to the past or obsessing about the future, or daydreaming about how "if only..."  It is while we travel we are sensitive or perhaps more sensitized to the present.  

Throughout life, most of the time we either grieve past loses, or anticipate a better future.  We stay consumed with a past we can't change and a future we aren't promised.  Travel has the element of the red dot on every map in every rest area that declares, "You are Here"  We only savor this "You are Here" element in transit, in the movement of travel.

Whether it's the sand between our toes, or trying to see all of an unending forest, or to take in all of the strange and delightful tastes, sights, smells, or to feel the warm caress of the ocean breeze on your entire body, to pause for the musical sound of a roadside waterfall, these all cease when the trip ends.  Try as we might, we can't recreate these experiences at home.   

We can try to re-live these wonderous experiences in our memories, but we never seem to be able to duplicate the pure joy of the moment, of the discovery, the exploration, or the amazement we experience while we travel.  That experience we long to embrace eternally is too temporary.    

To pause and reflect on being in the here and now, to actually enjoy the day for what it is, to take a break from the daily grind of chores, responsibilities, and the other obligations of life and to really enjoy the moment.  To do otherwise would be like farming the land in season and out, but never harvesting the crops.  

This is the gift travel imparts, it is harvesting the fruits of our labors.  Maybe this is why traveling together multiplies the joy of travel.  You witness the smile, see the relaxation, experience the satisfaction together -- you know what you have in the moment is special yet now there is an external confirmation to let you know this moment is real.

You'll remember the moment better, together, with more clarity and celebration as together you reflect on the trip.  There's always more fun & laughter traveling with your ever-after.

Appreciating what the locals take for granted daily, soaking it all in, knowing more than likely you'll never be here again, this sensation is invaluable, maybe worth more than getting this year's newest gadget of the day.  This gift of travel is priceless for our personal growth and development, it helps us appreciate the here and now.  

The mysterious rapture we feel as we travel enriches our souls like nothing else on earth.  Our eyes eagerly devouring the landscape, envisioning the vividness of it all, taking in a sky that on this day seems somehow bluer and brighter.  The treetops all seem taller.  The lakes all look clearer.  And our troubles all feel smaller.  Even the flowers, grass, and simples stones capture our interest and attention like never before, as if we had emerged from a dank cave and removed the blindfolds we've worn our entire life.  

When else can you recall allowing yourself the child-like luxury of lingering around, for example, to admire architecture that otherwise would be deemed ordinary?  It's ironic we pause to even look at this or that while we travel when you consider how a week on the road flies by faster than a shooting star whenever you travel near or far.

Somehow, standing in the shadow of an old statue, sipping whatever from a paper cup, it now tastes better than when we are drinking the same beverage from our best crystal or ceramic mugs at home.  Shuffling silently though a museum or an art gallery, suddenly our steps have renewed purpose.     

Eventually all of us make one final trip, but before then, travel far and wide and soak up as much of this world as you can.  Travel is no longer optional in my book, it is the best gift we can give ourselves.  

Raising A culture of Unruly Rudeness: At what cost?

Without trying to sound like the prophet of doom, we aren’t preparing our children for independence, we are preparing them for incarceration. Everyone pays the price when we devalue discipline. 

Certainly not every child these days is a hellion, so at the risk of sounding like a crotchety old curmudgeon, the problem of disrespectful children is out of control. To be clear, I’m talking about poor attitudes, troublemaking, and the rejection of respect that is rampant today, not rambunctious children simply being innocent kids.

People are fed up with ill-mannered children, not energetic kids. For example, school is back in session but we never seem to have enough bus drivers. But this perennial issue isn’t because we’re lacking qualified drivers as a society; few people are willing to tolerate contemptuous children or the lack of support when it comes to disciplining them.

The difficulty in recruiting/retaining bus drivers (or substitute teachers) highlights how malignant our problem with disrespect has become. Somehow we’ve managed to raise a generation of punks who our own grandparents would be ashamed of and no one seems to bat an eye.

Why have school districts across the country abolished disciplining students? As a child if I misbehaved at school, I could expect to be disciplined at school and then again at home. Maybe schools have backed off on correction because they have lost parental support, fearing the wrath of helicopter and bulldozer parents.

On top of that, we’ve nurtured a generation of entitled “adults” who’ve never quite grown up. Man, I do sound like a grumpy old man but I’m tired of our cultural immaturity and the fact that we are ignoring it. This problem isn’t going to fix itself and it is only going to get worse -- we are on a dangerous trajectory which won’t end well without a course correction.

Do manners really matter? Is being polite a virtuous trait? How have we failed as a culture to instill courteousness and consideration in our youth?

What has corrupted our uncivilized youth? Like Dennis Rodman's disclaimer nearly 30 years ago, “I’m no role model,” we can’t blame it on Homer & Bart Simpson’s influence either, even if the Simpsons is the longest running TV series, racking up the most seasons and episodes of any show in history. Perhaps prioritizing etiquette, values, and ethics are all on a downward spiral because of our decline in church attendance?

Where does the societal responsibility lay for rearing respectful young adults? At our feet, we can’t expect our schools or our churches to raise our kids for us. Respect begins in the home.

Many parents struggle with actually parenting, because they are tempted to be their child’s friends instead, but these “cool” parents aren’t doing their children any favors. “Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death. A man of great wrath will pay the penalty, for if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again. Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” (Prov 19:18-20)

Not many people “like” discipline, self-discipline is a struggle. Proper diet and exercise are fundamental to our wellbeing, yet why do people often pay for personal trainers and coaches? Because they want someone to do the discipline for them, but others can’t discipline for us, it has to be us.

We will either endure the pain of discipline, or the pain of regret -- one is beneficial and one is not, you decide which is best. Hebrews 12:11, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

When parents raise ill-mannered disrespectful children, we all suffer. Prov 29:15-17, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. When the wicked increase, transgression increases, but the righteous will look upon their downfall. Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.”


The deeper problem contributing to the rise of rude children might not be poor family dynamics, a lack of leadership in our schools, or people neglecting church attendance. Instead the real bedrock issue is, to our own detriment, no one believes in consequences anymore.