Drama causes trauma

 

Drama causes trauma.  Our worst emotional wounds oftentimes are the result of a chaotic upbringing — which is why adults should learn how to discuss their disagreements without being combative.

Chronic stress releases a continual flow of cortisol in our bloodstream, this hormone is beneficial in a spur of the moment crisis (think of a jolt of adrenaline to jar you into action), but prolonged exposure is detrimental to our physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing — I encourage you to look further into the startling subject of the harmful effects of stress & cortisol and its links to fatigue, depression, cancer, high blood pressure, and heart disease.  

Having differences is a normal part of all relationships, but the vulnerable youth suffer when the adults are inconsiderate. We selfishly cause more damage to their psyche than we realize when we focus on fault finding, blame, or neglect to reign in our tongue, temper, ego, and pride in the midst of terrible arguments.  

When it comes to settling our differences we need to and we can set a better example for the next generation.  It’s worth noting we can experience anger but we should still maintain self control and resolve our problems quickly, as Paul wrote in Eph 4:26-27 & :31-32,  “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil... 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Too often we confuse winning an argument with the real goal, like coming to a common understanding, together.  We mistakenly think dominating the conversation, winning the case to “prove our point” is the primary objective.  Demonizing our partners or seeing them as adversaries and demoralizing them might put points on a scoreboard but it doesn’t achieve success in what counts most, our actual priority should be protecting the relationship, not being the one who is “right” all the time.  

Hitting a pothole knocks our vehicle out of alignment, relationships need to be realigned after a rough patch too and it begins by appreciating our mutuality, 1st Cor 11:11, “Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman.” Respecting our interdependence is necessary for healthy marriages.

We have to be proactive to be productive, until we admit to ourselves during the times of aggravation that “I might be wrong” or we both might be mistaken, then we will struggle to make any headway, but the effort is worthwhile because our children deserve strong families, stability, and a peaceful sense of security.  Sadly for too many marriages, our fighting shatters the security of the sweet wee little people we say we love and they end up as collateral damage in our battles of will.  

If as a couple you lecture more than you laugh together, scowl more than you smile, and you feel like you are on trial, please consider getting professional help. If you are less than satisfied, make it your mission to mend your miserable marriage, we owe it to the next generation to model healthy & happy homes.  

Crushing the competition

The myth in business is that for you to succeed, the other guy needs to fail miserably.  A very wise, wealthy and successful man once told me, "If you get every job you bid, you aren't charging enough."  There is a scarcity mentality that believes there are only so many pieces of the pie to go around, and so you best be cutthroat & ruthless to survive.  There are healthier ways of seeing the opportunities though.  

When we started our concrete pumping business, TCB Concrete Pumping Website we were one of only a few pumpers in the region, now there are several.  As each new pumper launched their business, we would hear the news from the grapevine and naturally wonder how it would effect our business.  In an effort to generate more business, one of the new pumpers even went around telling people we at TCB had retired and were no longer pumping -- those underhanded methods are not only deceptive and unethical, they are signs of desperation when you see the other guy as your competition.  

The reality is, the other company isn't the competition you face, you are your own competition.  Quit giving them free rent in your head and concentrate on what you can control; the other guy is the least of your concerns.  Surely you want your pricing to be attractive and acceptable and you are up against a market economy where people are free to spend their discretionary dollars where they choose.  But, the other company isn't the competition, even if the other guy goes under, it doesn't mean that you will magically manage your workload any better.  Ruining a rival will never guarantee your success.

How well you do your job, how well you keep your word, the integrity and honor and virtue you have are what matters more than the prices of the other guy.  Are you doing your best work or are you just doing enough to get by?  We've had customers come back after trying a the new guy who set their prices lower in an effort to steal away customers, and when the new guy lacked the experience and the same quality of service we provided, the customers come back.  

Sidenote: Not all contractors are worth having as a customer.  If they are skinflints who want to hold their payouts for months on end, or you have to chase them down to get a check, and they are difficult to work with, it's not worth it.  

The fact is, if the other guy is a better pumper, he deserves the work, he's earned it.  The greatest threat you face is your performance, not the other guy's prices.

It really comes down to you and your work ethic, can you show up early and work late, is your standard of quality topnotch, will you put in the effort, are you dedicated to your craft, are you doing your best or are you making it easy for your "competition" to make you look bad?  

Instead of worrying about the other guy, welcome their contributions to the industry overall, find ways to cooperate, and most of all seek to improve your own reputation.  You need to up your game and be the best you can be, that is why you are your own competition.