Is it weakness or wisdom: asking for or accepting help

Is asking for help a sign of weakness, or is it wise to reach out and ask for help? We like to think we are strong enough, smart enough, and capable enough to overcome every obstacle life throws our way, but then life hits a little too hard. It's humbling to acknowledge that we have to rely on another to overcome certain challenges, more so, it is mature to accept that help when it is offered.

Students need tutors, writers need editors, investors need advisers, organizations need consultants, couples in trouble need counseling, we all benefit from mentors, and we all find ourselves occasionally in situations where we need help. Pride interferes for all of us, occasionally.

Personally, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to those who have encouraged me, assisted me, helped me, guided me, taught me, and were patient with me. I would not be where I am or have achieved whatever I have, without help. I did not get where I am alone or by my own wherewithal. 

I have had kind and generous people invest in me, both emotionally and financially, both spiritually and intellectually, and I have leaned on these people more than once.  I am so grateful for their continued-consistent help and support and I know without them I would have been lost.  

I didn't learn how to work in concrete or pump concrete in a vacuum. The same can be said of ministry, preaching, writing, or a host of other areas of my life.  It is by being helped I have grown as a person and experienced any level of "success" in life.  

Am I weak or weaker for asking for help or for receiving offers to be helped? Actually, I am stronger in the end and better off for the help. When I first started powerlifting for example, I went months without any progress what so ever, but then when a few world champion lifters who trained with the USA Olympic team took me under their wings, I saw gains I never imagined, and I went on to take 1st place in the State and placed in the Regions.

Weightlifting is a great analogy here on this topic of asking for or receiving help because we have to train our muscles through adversity to grow muscles, this is true for us intellectually, emotionally, and personally. In other words, our personal develop and personal growth require exercises and training, and we need a coach or a spotter in the gym of life.

None of us are sufficiently independent to make it far without asking for directions or getting a helping hand. We don't want to be dependent on others and rightfully so, but we are not able to be fully independent either. Interdependence is a great balance to seek, where we complete each other and complement our weakness and strengths -- together.

Here are some passages, while not exhaustive, I think comprehensive enough to make the point, we need help from others and it is not a sign of weakness but of strength to lean on others when we need help:
Gen 2:18, "Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”"
Prov 11:2, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom."
Prov 12:15, "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice."
Prov 15:22, "Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed."
Prov 24:6, "for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory."
Gal 6:2, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Teamwork makes the dream work is a cheesy but true statement.  We all need help, it isn't weakness it is wisdom, it is a true fact of life, and the sooner we accept this the sooner we grow.  

When you or a loved one is hospitalized:

A couple of days ago I was in the driveway talking “over the fence” with our next door neighbor. He’s trained as a medical professional, and myself being in ministry, we naturally discussed the current state of hospitalizations. We were talking about the complexity of navigating the medical world when a loved one is hospitalized -- we agreed, it isn’t easy for the average person who has no real experience in the otherworldly space of organized hospitals.

Presently, most everyone is thinking about their health or the well-being of their families. There's a good possibility you or yours will need to visit a hospital in your lifetime. Are you prepared?

After decades of being in ministry, my wife and I have made countless visits to the bedside of hospital patients. Our family has learned a few valuable lessons over the years about interacting in the strange world of hospitals. I’d like to pass on a few ideas that might be helpful as you or your loved ones face the intimidating prospect of staying in the hospital.

Discover the names of those in charge like the head nurse at the nurse’s station, the hospitalist, and any attending physicians. Any of their phone numbers you can acquire, add them to your phone’s contacts ASAP. Also, find out which pharmacy your medical staff has the best working relationship with. I find that our “mom & pop’s” pharmacies work harder for local people than anyone else, and perhaps your doctors share this belief.

Keep a notebook by the hospital bedside. Have family members take turns keeping notes so that there’s always someone in the room. Ask the names of nurses and doctors who check in, ask the medicines that they administer and the amounts, then record the time & dates. It doesn’t matter whether you recognize the medicines or if you can even pronounce the words. This small step helps the medical professionals stay on their toes, they will double check their work, and it reminds them you care too.

You’d be surprised at how many people who need a knee replacement wake up to find out the wrong knee was operated on. Don’t be bashful, remind your medical team what you are in need of or why. You have to advocate for your loved ones, or in some cases yourself. Most nurses and doctors are caring people, otherwise they wouldn’t be the medical field in the first place. But. There is a lot of “compassion fatigue” they have to overcome and deal with. Never forget they are by and large on your side, but they are overwhelmed with too many cases and they work long hours. A little reminder or some extra gentle nudging on your part might go further than you realize.

Ask for prayers. Yes our health is personal, but the prayers of the righteous are effective. When you are sick it feels natural to pull away, but this is a time when you need your faith community more than ever.

Most people have no idea how long it takes to be processed, to get a room, or even what it means to be discharged when your time is over -- it often takes a few hours to be released once you are discharged. Being patient as a patient is extremely difficult. Bring books, magazines, crosswords, or other items to help pass the time. I’ve found some people enjoy listening to music while they recuperate but most hospital rooms aren’t equipped with radios, so download an app on your phone.

There are times when you or a loved one simply will not recover, and the next move is hospice. As fatal as this sounds, this is a time when you really need someone to talk to. There are hospice chaplains as well as nurses, ask them how hospice works, what your role is, and what you should expect. No, things won’t just fall into place and it often won’t make sense, this is why you need to ask how it works from those who have dedicated their lives to hospice.

In the end, when it comes to navigating the medical world, having a good attitude is one of your best tools. Yes this crisis might be the biggest challenge you or your family has ever faced, and yes we have incredible technology and advanced medicines, but nothing can compete with matters of the heart. Write this verse on a sticky note and post in your room next time you or a loved one is in need, and reflect on it often, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Prov 17:22)

May God renew your hope and may He bless you with healing whenever dark days descend on you or your loved ones. May God bless you with peace of mind, and may His Spirit bring you comfort always.