Is it weakness or wisdom: asking for or accepting help

Is asking for help a sign of weakness, or is it wise to reach out and ask for help? We like to think we are strong enough, smart enough, and capable enough to overcome every obstacle life throws our way, but then life hits a little too hard. It's humbling to acknowledge that we have to rely on another to overcome certain challenges, more so, it is mature to accept that help when it is offered.

Students need tutors, writers need editors, investors need advisers, organizations need consultants, couples in trouble need counseling, we all benefit from mentors, and we all find ourselves occasionally in situations where we need help. Pride interferes for all of us, occasionally.

Personally, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to those who have encouraged me, assisted me, helped me, guided me, taught me, and were patient with me. I would not be where I am or have achieved whatever I have, without help. I did not get where I am alone or by my own wherewithal. 

I have had kind and generous people invest in me, both emotionally and financially, both spiritually and intellectually, and I have leaned on these people more than once.  I am so grateful for their continued-consistent help and support and I know without them I would have been lost.  

I didn't learn how to work in concrete or pump concrete in a vacuum. The same can be said of ministry, preaching, writing, or a host of other areas of my life.  It is by being helped I have grown as a person and experienced any level of "success" in life.  

Am I weak or weaker for asking for help or for receiving offers to be helped? Actually, I am stronger in the end and better off for the help. When I first started powerlifting for example, I went months without any progress what so ever, but then when a few world champion lifters who trained with the USA Olympic team took me under their wings, I saw gains I never imagined, and I went on to take 1st place in the State and placed in the Regions.

Weightlifting is a great analogy here on this topic of asking for or receiving help because we have to train our muscles through adversity to grow muscles, this is true for us intellectually, emotionally, and personally. In other words, our personal develop and personal growth require exercises and training, and we need a coach or a spotter in the gym of life.

None of us are sufficiently independent to make it far without asking for directions or getting a helping hand. We don't want to be dependent on others and rightfully so, but we are not able to be fully independent either. Interdependence is a great balance to seek, where we complete each other and complement our weakness and strengths -- together.

Here are some passages, while not exhaustive, I think comprehensive enough to make the point, we need help from others and it is not a sign of weakness but of strength to lean on others when we need help:
Gen 2:18, "Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”"
Prov 11:2, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom."
Prov 12:15, "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice."
Prov 15:22, "Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed."
Prov 24:6, "for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory."
Gal 6:2, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Teamwork makes the dream work is a cheesy but true statement.  We all need help, it isn't weakness it is wisdom, it is a true fact of life, and the sooner we accept this the sooner we grow.  

What can we do about hunger?

When my wife and I started dating as teenagers, she found food stashed in my bedroom. Surprised, she was curious as to why I hoarded food. A season of scarcity carved its scar during my adolescence, when, without a scrap of food in the house, we were absolutely food-poor.

I’m forever familiar with the despair hunger brings. If it weren’t for the Hensleys feeding us throughout that time, I don’t know what we would have done.

Having tasted hunger as a child, food has become my love language as an adult and our dinner table is as sacred as an altar. Those who know me know I’m a total foodie, I love to grill (over charcoal), my wife and I love to cook together, and occasionally we enjoy hosting others.

 

Most people don’t know why I am this way, but now you do. The pangs of food insecurity shapes you, you could say wounds you, for life.

Solving any of the problems connected to poverty is challenging, for example, balancing how we avoid enabling laziness or irresponsibility without neglecting or overlooking anyone who is actually in need. Either way you slice it, it’s hard to sleep peacefully knowing innocent children will fall asleep, fitfully, to the sound of their tummy rumbling tonight.

 

Not everyone has a Hensley family in desperate times, what can we do to make a real difference? Serving with the Second Harvest Food bank you won’t find much razzmatazz, but it’s rewarding. It’s hard work, but you won’t have to reinvent the wheel. Thankfully there are people who dedicate themselves to this labor of love full time, like Chuck for example.

Chuck, a Navy Vet, is hardworking, gray-haired, and full of wisdom. He wears shorts all year long, regardless what time of year it is, when you visit Second Harvest he’ll be out in the warehouse, and among other tasks, you’ll see him guiding the volunteer workforce -- folks vital to their success.

Chuck is an inspiration, as is their entire staff — these unsung heroes serve our region, partnering with local organizations, making a difference in the lives of people who manage to just scrape by. People, real people by the way, who deserve dignity and a heaping serving of healthy self-esteem.

If you haven't already participated in the work at Second Harvest, maybe God could use you to “do unto others” as you’d like done. Charitable contributions are important, food banks can’t run on empty promises, but they also need some hands on deck too; it takes a combination of grant money, donations, and people gracious with their time to keep the wheels turning.

The Lord’s Prayer includes a fascinating phrase, “give us this day our daily bread.” When you live hand-to-mouth, that resonates deeply. This same prayer also indicates that we should ask God that, “His will be done” on earth as it is in heaven. Second Harvest food bank powerfully merges these principles from the Lord’s Prayer, please pray how you too could partner in this godly work.

Originally published here: timesnews.net/craig-cottongim-what-can-you-do-to-make-a-difference

Changing Habits/New Year's resolutions the right way

 

“Tis the season” for fantasizing about New Year’s resolutions. Contemplating a gym membership yet? Beyond slimming down your waistline, consider also beefing up your biblical core. “For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” (I Timothy 4:8).

Major lifestyle changes not only intimidate us, they also fall under the frustrating “easier said than done” category. How will you reach your resolutions? Will you follow a fad, pop a miracle pill, plaster a poster on the wall? There’s a multibillion-dollar “self-help” industry for a reason, right?

Impatience interferes with changing our habits. We expect instantaneous results, while ignoring how our habits were formed over a lifetime, and we get discouraged if we don’t somehow change overnight.

We hate feeling enslaved to any habit, for example, like being hooked on tobacco. It took time, but I quit chewing 30 years ago when I was up to two tins a day — change is hard, but hard doesn’t mean impossible.

One school of thought states that our habits follow a cue, a routine and a reward. The cue is what triggers your actions, the routine is the behavior, then the reward is the sense of satisfaction you feel from the experience — just tweak those and voila...

So, how do we really change our habits? Good intentions alone will fail to transform us. Motivation is necessary, but it’s insufficient. What we need is someone cheering us on.

New Year’s resolutions often flounder because they’re just swayed by seasonal influences. Worse yet, they rely on willpower — whatever area of life you want to change, forget trying it by yourself. Whether you want to kick bad habits or kickstart good ones, lean into our faith of “one anothers.” Christianity is about transformation through fellowship. If you have one person in your corner rooting for you, you are more likely to succeed.

It’s true for folks who want to eat healthier, exercise more or simply take steps toward bettering their life. If you want to read your Bible more and watch less TV, get back into a church, be present for your family more, or simply go walking after supper every evening. It’s harder going solo. Just read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 and see.

So yes, plan to lose weight, quit smoking, eat better, pay off your credit card debt, get on a budget, whatever else you can think of to be healthier and happier — just not alone. We think we are stronger than we are. Perhaps we are when it comes to facing challenges, perhaps not when it comes to change.

It’s difficult to overcome our dependence, independently. Embracing our weakness sounds counterproductive, yet the way of the Cross is surrender and submission. It’s about death to self, it’s about His strength being sufficient, it’s about obedience to the Holy Spirit, and it’s about encouraging fellow believers. The key to successfully changing is mutual interdependence, in any and every season.

First published in the TimesNews click here

Oh, you showed me

 

To all who made it a point to teach me a lesson and who “showed me” I say thank you. 

You showed me, those who wanted to punish or alienate me that I was stronger than my fears.  You taught me how to overcome and that feeling sorry for myself isn’t necessary.  You gave me the courage to face even greater challenges.

To those who showed me, unconditional love, thank you for showing me I am worthy of love and fellowship.  You taught me the value of acceptance and the joy of receiving grace.  I didn’t deserve your kindness and yet you blessed me anyway.

To those who somehow saw talent, ability, and strengthens within me, thank you for the courage to invest your time in me.  You taught me the importance of mentoring and the rewards of edification.  I could never have reached my potential without you.

Whether they wanted to hurt me or help many people have shown me truths about myself I would never have imagined possible myself.  People who sought to enrage me or encourage me have all played a vital role in shaping me into the person I am.  So, I say thank you to you who “showed” me.  

Spend time with Amish people

Tammy and I stopped at the Powell mountain overlook on the way to the Amish Fellowship 

 Over the last few years we have pumped concrete for Amish contractors in our region, and it has been a great blessing. In fact this year I pumped concrete for them at their community center, it happened to be on my birthday. Tammy told them it was my birthday, so they sang happy birthday to me, they had the little children sing hymns, and they made coffee and donuts for me. I cried.  It will forever be etched in my heart and my mind, that day was truly special.  

Tonight, Tammy and I were invited to that same community center for a fellowship meal. It was delicious.  They slaughtered two hogs yesterday, cooked them in the ground the old fashioned way, and had all the sides. Their apple Pie was the best we’ve ever had. 

I share all this to say, you really should spend time with Amish people. I’ve spent a good bit of time with them over the last few years working, and I believe you’d be enriched by knowing the Amish too. 

You probably think of their clothing and culture and think, Why? Why get to know them and why are they so different?

Here are some reasons I think it’s in our interest to mingle with the Amish:

They model modesty. Our over sexualized world could uses a dose of sensible sensory stimulation, or more accurately non-stimulation. Obviously they know about intimacy, they seem to have 6 to 8 children in each household. 

They are family centered people. Who you marry matters to them.  The children and their rearing are a priority.  They have established families and bonds that many of us could learn from.

The have great moral bearings. We live in a world where we lack trust in our government, schools, and scientists.  Ethics and morality seem to be neglected by and large, mostly ignored by nearly everyone it seems, and it’s good to be around a community of people like the Amish who value wholesomeness. 

They live simply. They make their own clothes, raise their own food. Educate their own children.  There’s something to be said for the independence they have, their self sufficient lifestyle. None of their kids had their noses glued to a screen. The 10 year olds carried on their hips the infants. The adolescent ones listened to adults in conversation.  The teens acted like young adults, mature and friendly and polite and respectful.  

They have traditions that ground them. Do I agree with them and long for the traditions they have, some yes others no. The tradition of their ancestors and culture isn’t the important reason or the draw, the tradition and their ability to pass on their heritage and traditions and the inter generational cohesion is admirable. You have to witness it for yourself perhaps to appreciate the beauty and impact.  

They are people of the earth, you could say the salt of the earth. They follow the seasonal pattern of planting and harvesting, they care for the livestock. They enjoy an abundance of blessings living an agricultural existence, one that most Americans have run away from. Less than 6% of us live on a farm anymore, we might have traded off more of the good life then we bargained for when we “advanced” our standard of living.  

They’ve also made a habit of centering their communities around worship.  The majority of people claim some sort of religious belief, but less than 40% of Americans attend church. The Amish have built their world around their faith, while many of us build our faith around the world. 

It’s pure escapism to fantasize about shirking our worldly responsibilities or living off the grid and getting back to nature. We are too addicted to technology and comfort. Which I’m part of. I’d be a hypocrite to say otherwise.  I’m not advocating that you ditch your job in the city and move into the Amish paradise nearest you. And yet. 

And yet, I believe it would do our souls, all of us, good to spend time with humbly-minded, loving, trustworthy people who champion a healthy lifestyle that deserves more respect and appreciation from us. I consider the Amish I know to be genuine friends. They make me laugh, have made me cry. They make me feel welcome. And I feel better about this world and my life whenever I’m around them. 

Appreciation for those who rescue us

On Friday the 13th it’s simply superstitious to be afraid of experiencing an unlucky tragedy.  As silly and spiritually-unhealthy as this sounds people seem to be more in tune to potential calamities, tending to worry more about their safety today than on other days.   But have you considered, saving others from danger is rarely safe?

Too often we take for granted the heroic people who serve our community, brave people who step in and save us from all sorts of dangers, our police, EMTs, and firefighters deserve our respect.  I’m reminded of John 15:13 whenever I think of people who risk their safety to rescue us: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

Saving others from danger is rarely safe, yet for some placing themselves in harm's way comes through a personal sacrifice.  There are people who actually relinquish their vacation time and days off to free up their time to serve Kingsport -- a group most of us mistakenly think are on the city’s payroll.  They not only volunteer their time to rescue us from every type of catastrophic incident imaginable, but astonishingly these folks actually raise the money themselves to purchase the expensive vehicles and lifesaving equipment that are required to rescue us.  (See their website here: Kingsport Lifesaving Crew)

Whether it’s a natural disaster or an industrial accident, from cave and trench rescues, to swift-water and remote rescues, to extracting victims from demolished vehicles, to many other dangerous scenarios (you have seen their heavy-crash truck which looks much like a fire department vehicle and their light rescue vehicle which looks like an ambulance) these highly trained folks with specialized skills are on call 24/7/365.  Not only do they donate their time, they completely depend on grants and charitable contributions to outfit the organization.  

Until recently, I had no idea the Kingsport Lifesaving crew operated as a volunteer organization, or that they raised their funding.  Just because this knowledge increases my appreciation for the folks on the Kingsport Lifesaving Crew, this doesn’t lessen my respect or appreciation for those on the city’s payroll who place themselves in danger to rescue us as well; it is simply a different type of appreciation.  

Both the paid professionals and the highly trained volunteers serve us in times of great need, and we would be in dire straits without these brave individuals.  I doubt our police and firefighters show up just for a paycheck, it is in a sense a ministry when you think about it -- when you combine their efforts with a volunteer organization dependent upon donations, our admiration naturally increases as well.  

Paul wrote in Romans 13:7, “Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.”  I hope as a community we honor and appreciate these brave folks who stare down danger and step in to save us.  Thank you to everyone who forfeits their comfort, risks their personal safety, and who stands in the way of danger to rescue us -- I don’t believe in luck, but I do believe in you.

Originally published in Kingsport Times News:

Click here for the newspaper version

 

Should you read “Tucker”?

 

Without glossing over his mistakes and freely sharing his regrets, Tucker shares his thoughts and feelings openly, these often feeling like stream of consciousness ideas are woven throughout as Moore brings out tidbits of information and background on Tucker throughout the entire book.  It was a somewhat bittersweet read, I’ve been a huge fan for years, but there’s a sophomoric side to Tucker that lacked class and was disappointing as well.  

Whether you think Tucker Carlson is brilliant or a bombastic buffoon, scholar or showman, insightful iconoclast or shortsighted grifter, you might consider reading Moore’s biography.  Will this book help you determine if Tucker is sincere or a snake oil salesman, a sage or simpleton?    The book is an opportunity to form a better informed opinion of one of the most influential people in today’s marketplace of ideas.  

Carlson has been labeled a racist, bigot, and homophobe.  It could be a calculated ploy or something otherwise, but it’s telling that Tucker allowed Chadwick Moore the opportunity to write this bio considering Moore is an openly gay man.  Tucker's longtime TV producer, Wells, also is gay, and the book goes to great lengths to expound on Well's "marriage" and the close working relationship Tucker shares with Wells.  

To have an honest critique of the man, don’t just hate a caricatures of Tucker, that is immature.  Moore is no Walter Isaacson or Ron Chernow but he’s good enough for what he does here.

What Moore does here is give a background into Tucker you probably haven’t been exposed to.  Charmed or privileged, you decide.  He definitely had opportunities many do not, but he also worked hard to make the most of the advantages he received.

You learn about Carlson and the life that shaped him. From his mother abandoning him at a young age, to being raised by his permissive father, to growing up in California, to his educational background, you get an inside look at Tucker you won’t find anywhere else. 

You might be surprised to read about his close friendship with Hunter Biden.  His continued admiration of Rachel Maddow.  Or his stint working at PBS. Or how he failed to graduate from college. Or his decision to abstain from alcohol after years of functional alcoholism.  Or, that he doesn’t own a TV, wear deodorant, or socks.  

Why should we all read this book? Carlson held record ratings on Fox, and his Twitter/X videos have had hundreds or millions of views. He is a lightning rod controversial subject, but he’s not without influence. Cultural differences aside, anyone with the audience capacity Carlson has should be looked into beyond one’s personal preferences. 

Tucker Carlson is just about as polarizing is Donald Trump, but he seems to be way more interesting. As with any celebrity or public figure, you see a side of them they want you to see. I don’t doubt this book is promotional for the author and the subject, and you have to filter what you read, but even so I think this book holds value.  

Fortunately the book isn’t presented as an idyllic gushy “oh look at perfect me” by any stretch.  Even though I appreciated learning more about him, I lost some respect for Tucker while reading the book.  

His gratuitous swearing seems juvenal.  For someone who makes his living in communication, he should know swearing is lazy.  I cringed at the repeated F bombs, not because I’m a prude but the repeated swearing felt so tacky, tasteless, and it simply lacked class. It seemed like a huge contradiction to the persona he tires to portray.  

In the end, the book left me with mixed feelings.  I like Tucker and his approach to current events.  I didn't like everything he had to say or how he said it when he was being quoted in the book, which I guess is healthy, I'm a fan (still) but I'm not a follower.