Recently I had a conversation with someone who was recently divorced. Their marriage was in rough shape for many years, and regrettably, there were many mistakes made by both spouses. The person I spoke with said, “You probably think I’m a horrible person. I know what people are saying about me.” I assured them even though I had heard the stories going round, I didn’t think they were a bad person.
I shared that after all of my many years of being in ministry and after thousands of hours of counseling people, I know that in those situations no one is fully to blame and no one is fully innocent. I responded that I have the ability to withhold judgment and that I can form my own opinions. I referenced the woman caught in adultery in John chapter 8 and pointed out the way Jesus handled that situation.
The whole conversation got me thinking. Are we truly like Jesus or do we lean towards being more like the Pharisees, who we can’t stand? After reflecting on that long conversation, I wondered: How well do our churches welcome spiritually wounded people? Would we accept the woman the crowd wanted to stone, or would we have judged her? How do we view and respond to people who blatantly sin?
Could your church really embrace someone with a tainted reputation? What about you, personally, could you? How do you view people who stumble and fall? Do you look down on them harshly, feel superior to them, or simply shake your head in disgust? Or, can you truly love on them the way they need to be loved?
It’s easy to deceive yourself, assuming to yourself that you offer grace as much as you believe in grace. And it’s easy to say you are non-judgmental. It’s another story to practice all of that. Almost everyone thinks they are more grace-centered than they are. So, how can you tell if you really are a person who extends more grace than criticism?
For starters, grace oriented people do not see the world in terms of “Us and them.” It’s all “Us.” We are all basically the same, despite our many differences. The moment you begin the separate yourself mentally from the riffraff and the more you see the faults in others, the less grace is truly reigning in your heart. Have you ever asked yourself, how was Jesus mistaken for a drunkard and glutton and are people ever confused about you because of the people you associate with? Jesus never loved from a distance, why do we think we can?
Also, people who have more grace than others do not feel the need to correct other people. If your first thought when you see someone struggling is to think through what advice you could offer, you probably are unintentionally judging them. People need acceptance more often than they need advice. Is there a place for advice and correction? Sure. But your advice is not a starting point when others are down. A listening ear, a warm hug, and friendly smile can often do more than all of the “right answers” we might offer.
In the story of the prodigal son, do you know what the real difference was between the father and the older brother? The older brother was more interested in comparing while the dad was deeply interested in connecting. The telltale sign of the judgmental person who thinks they are grace-centered is how often they compare others to themselves and them feel better about themselves afterwards.
I feel a bit jaded by most church-goers. We can quote the Bible, have a ready answer, and basically be know it alls -- while doing very little. And when it comes to being able to help people who have been drug down by sin, we keep our hands as clean as we keep our distance. In other words, we know all about how Jesus ministered, in our head, but our hearts are hard. I wonder what would happen if we let Jesus swing the gavel or wear the judge’s robe for awhile and we just picked up the servant’s towel for now?
The whole conversation got me thinking. Are we truly like Jesus or do we lean towards being more like the Pharisees, who we can’t stand? After reflecting on that long conversation, I wondered: How well do our churches welcome spiritually wounded people? Would we accept the woman the crowd wanted to stone, or would we have judged her? How do we view and respond to people who blatantly sin?
Could your church really embrace someone with a tainted reputation? What about you, personally, could you? How do you view people who stumble and fall? Do you look down on them harshly, feel superior to them, or simply shake your head in disgust? Or, can you truly love on them the way they need to be loved?
It’s easy to deceive yourself, assuming to yourself that you offer grace as much as you believe in grace. And it’s easy to say you are non-judgmental. It’s another story to practice all of that. Almost everyone thinks they are more grace-centered than they are. So, how can you tell if you really are a person who extends more grace than criticism?
For starters, grace oriented people do not see the world in terms of “Us and them.” It’s all “Us.” We are all basically the same, despite our many differences. The moment you begin the separate yourself mentally from the riffraff and the more you see the faults in others, the less grace is truly reigning in your heart. Have you ever asked yourself, how was Jesus mistaken for a drunkard and glutton and are people ever confused about you because of the people you associate with? Jesus never loved from a distance, why do we think we can?
Also, people who have more grace than others do not feel the need to correct other people. If your first thought when you see someone struggling is to think through what advice you could offer, you probably are unintentionally judging them. People need acceptance more often than they need advice. Is there a place for advice and correction? Sure. But your advice is not a starting point when others are down. A listening ear, a warm hug, and friendly smile can often do more than all of the “right answers” we might offer.
In the story of the prodigal son, do you know what the real difference was between the father and the older brother? The older brother was more interested in comparing while the dad was deeply interested in connecting. The telltale sign of the judgmental person who thinks they are grace-centered is how often they compare others to themselves and them feel better about themselves afterwards.
I feel a bit jaded by most church-goers. We can quote the Bible, have a ready answer, and basically be know it alls -- while doing very little. And when it comes to being able to help people who have been drug down by sin, we keep our hands as clean as we keep our distance. In other words, we know all about how Jesus ministered, in our head, but our hearts are hard. I wonder what would happen if we let Jesus swing the gavel or wear the judge’s robe for awhile and we just picked up the servant’s towel for now?
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