One of my favorite lines from Bob Seger's song "Against the Wind" is when he sings, "The years rolled slowly past, And I found myself alone, Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends, I found myself further and further from my home, and I Guess I lost my way..." Sadly in life, posers parade as your friend, but they are not.
As a parent and now a grandparent, there's not much more that can break your heart than seeing your child/grandchild struggle to have genuine friends. The older I get, the tighter my circle gets, and the less tolerance I have for frenemies.
How do we know who our "real" friends are? It's amazing that you could spend decades thinking your friendship was real, but with some shallow people they are more shadow than substance.
Frenemies base the strength of their fragile relationships on the depth of how well you agree with them, they are unable to form relationships with people who think differently than they do, your opinion easily offends them when it contradicts their views on any subject, politics, religion or what have you. Real friends on the other hand, value the benefit of dialogue and appreciate sharing differing views, consider Prov 27:17 for example, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."
Sometimes it's easier to spot fake friends than true ones. One red flag is when a “friend” talks condescendingly to you about a mutual friend you have in common. Remember, people who gossip to you will gossip about you. They are incapable of being vulnerable with you. They are more interested in digging into your family & work problems than divulging any personal dirt on themselves; they themselves are always guarded about their own personal life, but they are eager to hear your problems, pretending they care about you but really they have ulterior motives. Since they can't control you, they want to control how others see you.
Some people are great at asking for favors, but somehow they struggle to express their appreciation. It almost makes you feel like you’re being used, well, because you are. They use you to feel better about themselves, it is a one sided relationship based on their terms. They almost treat their relationships like a rivalry or competition, not to mention the relationships of shallow people are always transactional.
Keep an eye out and pay attention to the folks who will either distance themselves or draw closer to you whenever you improve yourself personally or your circumstances. The folks who withdraw from you when you grow are envious and they can't celebrate your victories, the ones who can celebrate with you are free of jealousy and are genuinely happy for you.
Beyond all what sounds like a lot of gloom & doom here, there’s actually some good that comes from realizing not everyone who acts like they’re your friend isn’t. The best friendships are the ones that stand the test of time, you always pick up right where you left off, there's a mutual respect and appreciation for each other, and a genuine depth of joy whenever either of you does well in life and a shoulder to lean on when life doesn't.
We will be like the people we surround ourselves with, so being selective is important, like Paul wrote in I Cor 15:33, "Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” The more you surround yourself with people who can cheer you on and rejoice when you achieve your goals, who can sincerely be empathic in tough times, and who can lightheartedly banter with you over the trivial things in life, the more satisfactory relationships you will enjoy.
Sometimes it's easier to spot fake friends than true ones. One red flag is when a “friend” talks condescendingly to you about a mutual friend you have in common. Remember, people who gossip to you will gossip about you. They are incapable of being vulnerable with you. They are more interested in digging into your family & work problems than divulging any personal dirt on themselves; they themselves are always guarded about their own personal life, but they are eager to hear your problems, pretending they care about you but really they have ulterior motives. Since they can't control you, they want to control how others see you.
Some people are great at asking for favors, but somehow they struggle to express their appreciation. It almost makes you feel like you’re being used, well, because you are. They use you to feel better about themselves, it is a one sided relationship based on their terms. They almost treat their relationships like a rivalry or competition, not to mention the relationships of shallow people are always transactional.
Keep an eye out and pay attention to the folks who will either distance themselves or draw closer to you whenever you improve yourself personally or your circumstances. The folks who withdraw from you when you grow are envious and they can't celebrate your victories, the ones who can celebrate with you are free of jealousy and are genuinely happy for you.
Beyond all what sounds like a lot of gloom & doom here, there’s actually some good that comes from realizing not everyone who acts like they’re your friend isn’t. The best friendships are the ones that stand the test of time, you always pick up right where you left off, there's a mutual respect and appreciation for each other, and a genuine depth of joy whenever either of you does well in life and a shoulder to lean on when life doesn't.
We will be like the people we surround ourselves with, so being selective is important, like Paul wrote in I Cor 15:33, "Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” The more you surround yourself with people who can cheer you on and rejoice when you achieve your goals, who can sincerely be empathic in tough times, and who can lightheartedly banter with you over the trivial things in life, the more satisfactory relationships you will enjoy.
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