The grip of grief how will our loss NOT have the last word?

If you have ever known the thrill of being carried on silver wings & “flying the friendly skies,” you might be interested in knowing flight became possible after someone playing ice-hockey had his face smashed in leaving his teeth looking like a broken bottle when his face replaced the goal; it was the worst day of his life and he locked himself away for three years out of embarrassment.  Sulking, and feeling sorry for himself he moped around his self-imposed prison and to kill the time he spent his days reading in his dad’s library -- low and behold he read a lot about birds, he came out of that unbearable tragic experience with a greater insight, and Mr. Wright and his brother brought us the gift of flight.  

Similarly, Isaac Newton was isolated in his room for months on end during the great plague of his day and it was during that time of quarantine that he experienced several epiphanies, he invented his prism for studying light, and he formulated many of his greatest ideas in math & physics.  The world was gripped by death and it was a dark time, and Newton’s achievements changed the world as we know it for the better during the worst of times.  

You are more than likely familiar with the youngest brother who was sold into slavery by his older brothers, the jealous brothers who were envious of him who planned his demise.  Joseph, as you remember, was the slave who was eventually elevated in status as second only to the Pharaoh and when the time came that he was reunited with his cruel brothers who plotted against him he said in Gen 50:20, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” 

Right now you might be dealing with the deviation of a divorce, the loss of being laid off, or worse, you are missing a loved one who passed away and you are asking if any good can come from our tragedies?  Maintaining a positive perspective when you are simply trying to persevere seems pointless but consider what Paul wrote in 2 Cor 1:3-4, “3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Mosaics and the Japanese art of kintsugi take shattered pieces of pottery or ceramics and fashion masterpieces by mending them and creating works of beauty from what was once broken; just like how a broken bone is stronger where it is mended, the once worthless pieces are now more valuable than before.  In the midst of loss or during our difficulties it’s impossible to believe we will find fulfillment or see the potential our future holds, all hope seems elusive, but.

But somehow the unfathomable becomes the greatest act of kindness and delivery, like the conclusion to Steinbeck's “Mice & Men" when George saves Lennie from Curley's certain torture and cruelty by taking Lennie’s life himself.  May we learn to build a set of wings while we are in freefall and soar high above the problems we have faced and grow from our mistakes and problems, and maybe comfort someone who is facing what we have overcome, by the grace of God.  

PS: "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

    and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Originally published in the Kingsport Timesnews on 11/7/25 https://www.timesnews.net/living/faith/when-good-comes-from-the-worst-of-times/article_3ec340e0-66c2-4b51-ab7f-5dffc982f41e.html

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How do we help people who are grieving

How can we better support grieving people

When terrible times hit you the hardest, you won’t need anyone to tell you to grieve or how to grieve, we don’t need to be taught that. But, I do think we can all learn how to better support other people while they are grieving. 

I’m amazed at the dumb things that can come out of our well-intentioned mouths. We shouldn’t feel like we have to have the perfect explanation or the just-perfect words to comfort people who are agonizing over a death, loss, or tragedy. When anyone, for example, suffers the loss of a loved one we feel a bit anxious and we try our best to comfort them. Unintentionally, we often say things that are either callous or that possibly makes matters worse.

Yes, people who experience the loss of a loved one want to make sense of their suffering and they wonder how long their pain will last. But, they really don’t expect you to explain away or solve their problem.

People who grieve do not need to ever hear, “God needed another Angel,” “They’re in a better place now/they aren’t suffering anymore,” “Everything happens for a reason,” “God never puts more on you than you can handle,” or maybe the worst phrase we can offer, “I know exactly how you feel.” Instead, what they really need, most often, is a gentle hug and a listening ear.

Those in the midst of suffering aren’t expecting you to solve their problems or provide answers to the hard questions. Sometimes they simply need to know you are praying for them and you are there for them.

My dad passed away last week and I’m still getting a lot of support from our church, friends, and family. When my mom recently passed away in September, I received comforting calls and cards and messages from people far and wide. One of the kindest gestures that truly touched me was a card informing me that Jeff Fleming sponsored a tree for the Keep Kingsport Beautiful Tree Fund in honor of my mom -- it sent an emotional message that resonates deep within my soul to this day. My mother would’ve appreciated Jeff’s kind act and it meant a lot to me too. Any act of kindness and support goes much further than some of the silly phrases we fumble through when we don’t know what to say.

Being present for someone while they are hurting, offering your help through small acts of kindness, listening to them or simply sitting silently and crying together without trying to fix the situation is more powerful and convincing than sharing a silly canned speech about pain and suffering. Again, save your pearls of wisdom for another time because a warm hug and a listening ear will do them more good than our words ever will.