Why we’re unhappy & how to cure it

 

You probably think I’ll attribute our unhappiness to our fear of missing out, but it’s beyond FOMO and beyond our biases on what is and isn’t fair.  We carry sorrows over seeing the successes of others, it’s almost as if we are addicted to other people’s dopamine.  More than likely you’re unhappy if you compare your empty bucket to someone else’s.  You only have room for one or the other, you’ll either carry jealousy in your bucket or joy, but not both.  

Most people naturally long for an easier life, but in the absence of earning a good sense of accomplishment we feel empty inside, and then we feel bitterness towards the people we assume are holding us back.  Carrying other people’s rocks feels like a burden compared to carrying the same load to build your dreams into reality, that’s plain commonsense.   What we overlook is this, happiness is an only at best a byproduct of satisfaction.  

The more we worry about anyone else's life or how easy they have it, the more focused we are other people, the less headspace we have for ourselves.  Hard work is therapeutic and beyond the benefits of physical labor, working on yourself is the hardest.  

Don’t confuse unhappiness with depression.  Depression isn’t just the absence of happiness, there’s a darkness lurking in the void, it’s not an empty emotion, the depression is a tangible sensation of an unbearable weight that suffocates you.  Unhappiness is even worse than sadness and depression, unhappiness is despair over the inability to experience the simple joys of this life.  

There is no finish line in this journey we call life, we’re born, and one day we die, but will you truly live your life during the in-between of the inevitable?  The biggest lie we tell ourselves is, “one day” as in one day the kids will be grown, the bills will be caught up, the dream will manifest itself or magically materialize “one day.”  We act like life is about sitting in a cosmic train depot holding out hope the right train will stop and let us on board, all the while we ignore the ticket booth.  We neglect to read the schedule.  The universe passes us by…

We forfeit today by waiting on tomorrow.  You only have today, yesterday is long gone and who knows what tomorrow will bring, so pick up your bucket, gather your load of rocks and stones, conquer the chaos and walk up the hill victorious leaving the emptiness of victimhood behind.  

Embrace this simple key to happiness

 

In this picture you see cat paw prints, prints that once angered me greatly.  Tammy and I have done a few decorative concrete projects at our home, and in this case, as I applied a broomed texture to our colored concrete sidewalk, our outdoor-stray cat hopped off the porch and tramped across the wet concrete walk, forever leaving her prints -- in that moment of anger I may have said a few words I'm not proud of.  

Anger results from feeling weak/vulnerable, feeling like we have no control over the situation.  Over time, unresolved anger does more damage to us than the problem that angered us did. 

Today as I blew the early fall leaves off our walk, seeing those cat prints made me smile.  Why?  I have no idea.  But today it felt funny seeing her prints.  Seeing those silly little paw prints brought a little bit of joy to me.  I paused from blowing leaves for a moment and soaked in the healing.

Strangely, with time we can laugh at our mistakes, hurtful offences, and the past pain we've suffered.   The key to happiness isn't saying too soon we are at peace with the pain, or making light of the problem that wounded us.  That would be denial, and that is unhealthy.  

You can't rush acceptance.  But, you shouldn't deny its presence when acceptance knocks on your heart's door either.  

The key to happiness is embracing the laughter and easy feelings when they do hit us, don't fight the joy, embrace the laughter when it comes.  It's natural to be defensive and to try to hold tightly to your unique pain, as any victim would.  Embrace the acceptance in the moment, and you'll be happier.  

I don't do this enough, but I'm learning to let myself laugh at what once made me angry.  I encourage you to give it a try.