Why it's best to just speak your mind

 

One of the biggest paradoxes ever is the excitement of the holidays along with the sadness that accompanies the holidays. The holidays can be joyful and festive, but this season can also be rough on all of us. Some of us will go to the cemetery and sweep leaves off of our loved ones’ headstones, wishing we had one more day to spend with them.

Maybe we will look around the table during this holiday season, missing loved ones who have moved away, passed away, or who simply have decided to stay away.

Seemingly, to make it rougher during the holidays, they say that we shouldn’t talk about “religion or politics” when we gather together to celebrate. If you can’t talk about subjects you’re faithful to or passionate about with people who share the same last name as you, perhaps these relationships were too fragile in the first place.

If you have to pretend you are something you are not to maintain any relationship, then I doubt there is much of a relationship worth maintaining. I am not advocating “stirring the pot” or purposely riling people up just to be irritating. I am saying, it’s time to be yourself.

So, to be clear, the holidays can be a gloomy time and yes family gatherings are ripe for conflict — but who wants to walk on eggshells their entire life?

Now is the season to celebrate faith and family, but if you can’t express yourself freely, within reason, you’ll not only resent your family, you’ll despise yourself for being a phony.

The same can be said of your relationships at church or work.

It’s a lose-lose situation to pretend to be someone who you are not. Biting your tongue only serves to suppress what you really think, believe or stand for. When you go against yourself long enough, you slowly erode your soul.

When we pretend to be someone we aren’t to simply gain the acceptance of others, they aren’t really accepting a true version of us. So we not only deceive those around us, we senselessly censor and suppress ourselves. This isn’t healthy. The end result is, not only won’t we like those we are trying to impress, we will eventually hate ourselves for carrying on the charade.

Jesus says in John, Chapter 8 that the devil is the father of lies. Why would we want to perpetuate a false persona to those around us? That’s the biggest lie ever told!

So perhaps the best gift that you can give yourself this holiday season is the permission to be yourself. It’s honest and true, and it’s the best you that you have to offer.

Therefore, when you get together with your family and friends, talk about politics, talk about religion, share your true opinions on whatever subject comes up — don’t let anyone bully you or shame you into silence.

This holiday season, as you reminisce with your loved ones make sure you are there with them fully, but make sure it is actually the real you who is present. Not half of you, not part of you, not a fake version of what you think they want to see so they can accept you — be the real you. The reality is, if you can’t be true to yourself, you can’t be true to others.

Of course, you can already guess what the flip side of this coin is, can’t you? The same grace you hope to receive from those around you so that you can truly be yourself, you’ll need to extend to those around the table as well.

Originally published in the Kingsport TimesNews:

https://www.timesnews.net/news/faith/its-time-to-be-yourself/article_8db9df74-2a92-11ec-bdf7-bf3ee684f91c.html

The Solutions to your problems

Have you been dissatisfied with how your church has handled a particular problem or problem person, wondering to yourself why church politics failed to fix our problems? It’s because Satan is busier in the church boardroom than he is in the barroom.

I frequently hear from different people about the problems in their churches or from others about the problems with how poorly the city and county handle their responsibilities. My questions then become, how can you contribute to solving this problem you’re so troubled about, what’s the best solution, and how will you help out? Because if you’re passionate about a problem you see, it’s better to work toward being part of the solution than it is to gripe about it.

If you are waiting for your church leaders or your local politicians to make bad situations better, I feel sorry for you. Most of the people we are waiting for to make the desired improvements are more concerned with their position/office and with preserving their organization/institution than they are with whatever problems you worry about. If you are disappointed with the state of affairs you see, you probably have misplaced your faith and trust. I hate to break it to you, but most decisions are not made in “formal” meetings. They are decided in the “informal” meetings out in the parking lot before the meeting even happens.

What are some positive steps you can take toward resolving problems? You can draft up a plan, offer resources, put in the effort, and volunteer to work on it. This is as true for your church as it is for your city.

If you are upset with your neighborhood, ask a police officer what you can do to help make a difference and how you can make our city a better place. Or take a drive out to the old Sam’s Club and volunteer at the Second Harvest Food Bank. Or go talk to a school principal and offer to help tutor at-risk kids. There’s no lack of opportunities for you to make a positive difference.

Do you know what the difference is between being frustrated about a problem and simply grumbling about it? Most people like to criticize and fault-find a lot more than they like participating in the solution.

For example, it’s easy to sit in your armchair and take a potshot at the potholes on our roads, though you never hear a follow- up from those critics on how to best repair our roads. It’s the same thing when your church isn’t “growing.”

You don’t have to be special or smart to point out problems. Thanks to Facebook, we no longer have to submit a “letter to the editor” to air our contempt. It’s easy to hide bravely behind our keyboards and smartphones and lambaste those “in charge.” Social media has emboldened us, but the fact is, truly courageous people don’t have the time to be critical of others because they are too busy making a difference.

If you think you’re too weak and powerless to make a difference, then you see yourself as a victim. And let me tell you what, the world will eat you alive — in that case you’re better off keeping your opinion to yourself if you don’t think you can help fix it. All you are doing at that point is wasting a lot of emotional energy, and no one likes sour grapes. Like the old impolite saying goes, “put up or shut up...”

Maybe the deeper problem is we as people are addicted to complaining. Complaining isn’t a spiritual gift, it isn’t a sign of compassion, and it doesn’t indicate you care. Complaining all the time is evidence of a critical heart. Fault-finding is straight-up hypocrisy. It’s not insightful or profound to point out what’s wrong with the world without participating in the solution.

What if we as believers hounded lost souls about their need for Jesus with half as much zeal as we pestered people about COVID, masks and vaccines — whichever side of that debate you landed on. If your concern is legitimate, do something more productive than complaining. If God lays a burden on your heart, it’s not for the purpose of whining about it. Whether it’s the poor condition of our roads, the homeless, COVID, racism, inequality, drugs — whatever it is, no one wants to hear what the problem is without hearing your solutions. In other words: What are you doing to fix the problems besides complaining, worrying or blaming?

Watch your words and compliment more than you complain. Then and only then will people listen and begin to take you more seriously. Don’t complain about City Hall until you hitch up and haul your fair share of the burdens in our community.

Don’t wait around for your church leaders or your politicians to fix the problems that trouble you most. Take responsibility, roll up your sleeves and get to work — you’ll never need permission to do the right thing.

Originally published on Oct 15th 2021 in the Kingsport TimesNews:

https://www.timesnews.net/news/faith/stop-complaining-and-be-part-of-the-solution/article_b0edcef6-1700-11ec-a74f-9fd25d8fd231.html

Forgetting the forgotten no more

 

Today evoked an unexpected emotional experience for me as we pumped concrete for a bus driver, who happens to also be the Principal at his school.  By the way, his wife also drives a school bus on a different route, and she is the Science teacher at another rural school.  

I wonder why we never hear about servant-hearted people like this on CNN or Fox News?  After all, who would care about a family of educators in rural Southeast Kentucky, instead, the region is most likely thought of as the armpit of America by the TV elites, and simply forgotten about by most of us.  After today though, it will be a long time before I forget about this forgotten region again.  

To get to Lynch Kentucky, we crossed Black Mountain, at just over 4000 feet above sea level, it's the highest point in the state.  The deep forests and towering mountains enshrine the region like a fortress, keeping outsiders out, and insiders in.  The terrain was beyond rugged.  My picture of the sunrise does not do proper justice to the majestic beauty of the area.  The drive up and over the mountain was hair-raising at times.  Razor sharp switchbacks, sheer cliffs and straight drop-offs, the road was nothing short of the stuff legends are made of.  

The road going into Harlan County is so curvy, and the terrain so steep, it takes about a half an hour to go ten miles.  The rugged landscape is breathtaking, it's truly awe inspiring.  

I suppose today evoked so many emotions for me, not simply because I read Hillbilly Elegy, or before that, Night Comes to the Cumberlands, but because my family actually comes from this impoverished region.  My dad left Southeast Kentucky back in the early 60's with the largest migration of Americans in US history as many folks from the Appalachian area moved to the Great Lakes in hopes of escaping their bitter existence, looking for a better life.  I'm not sure if I'm supposed to feel gratitude or guilt about this.  

So today, I witnessed Lynch KY, a weary and worn-down town, buried and hidden within a wonderful wilderness.  Forgotten by most of America, forsaken and abandoned by the rest.  The lure of steady income from the coal giants having dried up mostly, it's only a shell of what it was 100 years ago.  Harlan County is ripe with rare beauty, a place resting in times gone by, quiet and tranquil.  Sadly, with no industry or any chance of a future for this or the next generation, it seems like intergenerational-welfare is the only hope for most of the folks around.   

The juxtaposition of the amazing views, the splendor of one of the most beautiful places on earth, the towering mountains capped with rich forests all being witnessed in real-time, contrasted to the hopelessness stemming from such extreme poverty and the bleak future for the folks there was deeply moving.  I left asking myself, what are the invisible chains shackling the people there?  Is it simply "acceptance" at their plight?  Are they victims of their circumstances?  What can be done to reinvigorate the region?  Clearly, coal wasn't the only precious resource extracted from there, something intangible has been taken as well.  Also, though, from the people I met today, I see there are people who stick around these dying towns not because they are stuck, they stay because they can make a difference, and they care. 

If you've never heard this song, you need to click on this link below :

You'll never leave Harlan Alive 

Truth about God: Book Review

At one time, it probably seemed like most of your family and everyone around you from your next-door neighbors to the mailman to the lunch lady knew and believed in God. Lately, it seems like less and less people are committed to a local church, and even less seem to be interested in a personal relationship with Jesus.

What complicates this bleak situation even further is the fact that people who resist committing to church/Jesus have begun to ask some fairly sophisticated questions — they raise serious objections to following Jesus, and many of us feel stumped, stumbling around searching for satisfactory answers.

In other words, it’s gotten harder to share our beliefs with the world around us. There are multiple challenges to sharing and defending our faith these days, and it only seems like our job is going to get harder as time goes on.


People frequently ask me for resources they can read up on to sharpen their understanding of difficult topics and hone their evangelistic skills. I’ll point you to a valuable resource with a powerful framework that helps us understand some of the contemporary threats to the Christian faith, a book that helps you comprehend the modern world, and will help you to communicate the timeless truths of Scripture.

Here’s one of the most helpful resources I can recommend to you if you are interested in defending your Christian faith and if you need some encouragement to be more evangelistic.

Richard Knopp’s “Truth About God: What We Can Know and How Can We Know It” is a book that draws on Scripture, history, tradition, ration/reason and experience, and it is full of useful information.


This book is appealing because it is very compact, and it’s written clearly and concisely. It addresses many of the concerns of doubters, skeptics and unbelievers that you might interact with. It is an exciting read that is insightful, helpful and thought provoking.

Knopp provides useful terminology. He unpacks philosophical terminology in plain, easily understandable language, offering wise direction couched in solid principles.

It’s rare to find such a book that not only addresses current challenges but is written with a respectable/considerate tone, and presents powerful propositions about an engaging topic: God. What the title promises, the book delivers on. It is written with intellectual integrity, and it’s reinforced with reflective discussion questions at the conclusion of each chapter, so you could read this alone or with your small group.

If we plan to fulfill the Great Commission, we need to take our own personal study seriously. Knopp’s book has many practical approaches that can be utilized by everyone, and it doesn’t require a graduate degree to understand it.

Apologetics, the defense of the Christian faith, isn’t an esoteric art reserved for an elite guild of cloistered monks — it’s part and parcel of experiencing Jesus as His disciples. This book instills confidence as it equips, educates and inspires.

I truly believe it can help you too, and I hope you’ll consider adding it to your personal library at home.

Originally published here: 

https://www.timesnews.net/news/faith/truth-about-god-is-a-valuable-resource/article_69cbe3e0-0103-11ec-9c42-db908737de5e.html

What does your marriage need to thrive?

Sadly, it seems like too many people married the wrong spouse. They act like they wish they had picked someone else or they make a mistake with someone they aren’t married to and they have to live with those painful consequences for the rest of their lives. Why are there so many unhappy married couples? It’s because, in a small sense, some married people tend to forget that healthy relationships are nurtured much like tending livestock.

My folks raised cattle on their small farm, deep down in the Ozarks. They mostly had black Angus, usually no more than 25 at a time, and while I can’t remember a single one of them, my dad had one animal I’ll never forget — he was a beautiful beast, a massive red Limousin bull. The only problem with this bull was, when he wanted to visit another herd, he just reared up in the air on his hind legs, placed his front hooves on the gate, pushed his 2,500 pounds forward, and off he went.

Typically, after the bull spent a few days in some other field, a local farmer (with his own herd of cows) would then call my dad and say, “Come and get your bull, he’s done making his rounds here ...” You see, once that Limousin bull realized he could leave whenever he pleased, no fence could ever hold him after that.

American farmers and ranchers have always struggled with corralling their livestock. It’s hard to keep your livestock on your property without a good stockade, unless you skip the fences like they do in other parts of the world. In other regions, they have found out what works better than building strong fences that eventually fail — they simply dig better wells.

It’s a simple solution to an age-old problem: Provide your livestock with their needs in an arid and desolate land, and they stick around the farm — cattle, horses or sheep won’t wander far from their feed and water in the wilderness. The same principle applies to our most intimate relationships.

What Paul says about maintaining a healthy sex life in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 has broader applications as well, “3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” In other words, provide each other’s mutual needs at home so your spouse won’t feel the need to stray from your farm.

If you aren’t providing for your spouse’s relationship needs, they will find their needs met elsewhere, and that’s when people experience hell on earth. All of the great marriages that you see share this common truth — spouses who strive to meet each other’s needs enjoy marriages that thrive. Whenever any marriage feels like it’s withering on the vine, someone in the relationship isn’t meeting their significant other’s needs.

You can’t keep your spouse cooped up, so make it so they don’t feel neglected and want to leave to have their needs met elsewhere. Or as my cousin, a Vietnam vet with a few Purple Hearts, likes to say about his marital relationship, “This dog don’t stray, because she (pointing to his wife) keeps him well-fed.”

Originally published here: Timesnews faith column

Don't be a moron on Mother's Day

 

One of the dumbest trends I've seen on Social media is the pushback against celebrating Mother's Day in church.  Hip preachers who are into the latest fads are rationalizing this move away from a valued tradition by claiming Mother's Day is simply too painful to acknowledge since there are women who can't have children and there are people who had a crappy mom.  

This line of thinking where we cater to the possibility of the worrisome areas of life is another symptom of what is wrong with our culture.  Let's not recognize or reward the people who are noteworthy because we might offend or hurt someone else's feelings isn't fair, or reasonable.  It's stupid.

I'm not insensitive to the people who can't conceive or those who had a bad childhood.  That's not my point at all.  Maybe we need a day out of the year where we recognize their losses, but even for those who suffer great tragedy, we can't shortchange the heroic or the victorious by ignoring their importance.  

I'm sad for the women who can't have children and really want to.  It's not fair.  The reality is, you are no less of a woman or a human if you aren't able to bring children into this world, but it does hurt, it leaves a void in your heart, and it hurts so much because of the blessing of parenting and motherhood, something we celebrate for a reason.

And, yes, there are horrible mothers.  My mom, rest her soul, never would've received "Mom of the year."  I'm at peace with her failures as a mom, and I've learned to love her, "warts & all."  She left with another man when I was about 14, then came home later when my dad went looking for her, and there a host of other issues I could ruminate on if I wanted to make myself a miserable wretch.  You come to grips one day that your parents did the best they could, and even when that wasn't good enough, you live & let live, and you let go of the past and you learn to forgive.  If you don't comes to terms with these problems, they will ruin you and the relationships that matter in life.  

Still, even for all the hurt feelings and problems surrounding Mother's Day, none of those problems negate the fact there are good, yes great, moms out there who deserve a little special recognition at least once a year.  Since God gave us one of the greatest gifts, Mothers & Motherhood, I think it's highly inappropriate for us to neglect moms or honor them when we gather as a church.  

Cancel Culture, censorship, religious freedom, and the spirit-crushing powershift happening right now

All people of every background deserve respect, dignity and the right to voice their opinions — but differing opinions require a two-way street too. One of the greatest traits we hold as Americans is the freedom to dialogue, to differ, to debate. It’s interesting though, how certain dissenting views are being threatened, bullied and silenced. For example, certain expressions of Judeo-Christian religions, conservative political views, and time-tested traditional views on family values are being removed, blocked and scrubbed from social media and the internet as if they never existed.

There seems to be a power shift regarding what and who is influencing our culture. I do not understand why a mere fraction, an extremely small percentage, the slightest margin of our population, a minuscule group compared to the whole, is being allowed to redefine what the bulk of us believe about the use of gender pronouns, faith, values and morals. Why do the fringes get to define the center for the rest of us?

Cultural boycotts are not new, but they seem to be picking up steam over the past few years. Perhaps you’ve heard about the recent controversies over several of Dr. Seuss’ books, cartoon characters such as Pepé Le Pew, and Disney classics like “Peter Pan” and “Dumbo.” Even common brand names have been besieged, like Aunt Jemima or the image of the American Indian girl on the Land O’ Lakes, which are all being removed. The popular term is “cancel culture.”

It’s one thing to withdraw your support or participation. It’s another to vilify and try to destroy another because you disagree with them, and that is where cancel culture often leads.

It’s not just cartoon characters and product labels under siege. People who are not in line with the mainstream media and much of Hollywood are being punished or ostracized for the crime of being “offensive.”

Is this “cancel culture” a fad, will it work and to what ends, and why don’t more people speak up against it? If a position or stance is deemed offensive, does that give a select few the right to ban it for the rest of us? How long until they try to cancel the Bible for what it says about morality, family and the idea that biologically there are only two genders? How long until verses like Isaiah 5:20, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!” are categorized as hate speech?

The Equality Act (basically an amendment to the Civil Rights Act of 1964) which passed in the House last month could be setting a dangerous precedent, overriding the Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993. Apparently this new law could prevent churches from interpreting and communicating what they believe Scripture to say without the threat of repercussions. For example, according to the Equality Act, if a biological male identifies as a female, he has government protection to use the women’s restroom in your church. This is insanity. How did we ever get to this place?

Discrimination based on someone’s race or religion is wrong, but you can’t force a Jewish deli to serve barbecued pork either. There has to be some balance and common sense that we all can apply. If your goal is to gain acceptance or approval for your alternative lifestyles, silencing your dissenters won’t accomplish it.

Click here to see the original article posted in the TimesNews