Critical Christians just leave the judging to Jesus

 

Whenever I find myself being critical of someone over an extended period of time it robs me of my ability to be introspective and in turn I forfeit a lot of personal peace.  Ignoring the dangers of being judgmental is risky, it can cripple our character. 

Why is it almost second nature for us to be judgmental?  For whatever reason, it is easier to obsess about the flaws in others than it is to acknowledge our own & to see ourselves as the hero while we tend to be more critical of people around us.  Judging is easy, unconsciously easy.  

The major difference between maturity and immaturity is the ability to see clearly.  Seeing ourselves and others realistically is hard, which is why so few people do.  

How do we accurately assess ourselves?  Asking for feedback from others is intimidating and it can make us defensive, but it’s hard to grow on our own.  Either way, focusing on the mistakes of others won’t build your character or develop your personality.  

Anyone can complain, it takes someone special who is proficient at recognizing their own weaknesses and isn’t troubled by the achievements and the strengths of others.  The need to feel confident is not wrong, as long as confidence isn’t confused with superiority.  

Instead of looking at others, look to others.  Find areas where you can improve, and allow others to influence you where they are stronger, anything less is hypocritical. 

Matthew 7:1-5, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

We probably tend to see the petty flaws in others because it helps us to deflect the attention away from our need for growth. Focusing on their flaws isn’t the best way to develop oneself.  

Instead of shamefully pretending we have it all figured out and seeing other people as the villain when we are unhappy, look inward.  The less genuine we are, the less satisfied we are — the more we complain the more miserable we become.  Maybe this is why joy is so elusive.  

Somewhere between lying to yourself about how great you are and beating yourself up over your imperfections you can find peace.  It can be hard to be honest with yourself, but the happiest people seem to know that they aren’t perfect but they aren’t wretched either.  

Our challenge isn’t aging gracefully, keeping our mind intact, or being productive. Our challenge and task is to quit looking at everyone else’s mistakes, accept responsibility for our own, and offer the same grace to others that we would like to receive ourselves. 

How to "Happily ever-after"

In the early 1970’s with their marriage in shambles, my parents somehow thought their solution was to uproot our family and move out west. For most of my kindergarten year, we lived in Phoenix during the week and spent the weekends on a ranch.

That experience created the habit of shaking out my boots before I put them on, even to this day. Why? The cabin we stayed in had scorpions, the desert seemed overrun with them. I have never seen a scorpion in Tennessee, but old habits...

I loved the desert and hold fond memories of watching hang-gliders coasting off of Arizona’s iconic mesas, of living like carefree nomads, and of enjoying campfires under the stars. Soaking up all the splendor of the southwest was extremely idyllic, but our time there was as short lived as a mirage.

Eventually my parents divorced after years of continually clashing -- their marriage limped along after Arizona, but no matter where they went, friction followed. Unwilling to admit their own faults or accept the need to change, their troubles remained regardless of their address.

The emotional damage from their decades of hateful bickering was far greater than if they simply had called it quits earlier on, the sting of their feuding left me cynical and jaded as a young adult. I have concluded after much thought that a broken home is better for the kids than an endlessly-breaking-home.

I’m not endorsing carelessly divorcing. People should exhaust every resource and work on their marriages like their life depended on it, but if you think you can fight and argue and treat your spouse spitefully yet you want to stay together “for the children,” think again -- it’s not “for the children” if it’s toxic.

We deceive ourselves often by thinking we can escape our problems by relocating, by pointing fingers, or by separating ourselves from the “problem” person. Self-examination is painful, owning our problems is difficult too, but taking responsibility and actually doing the hard work to become healthier is more mature and rewarding.

Marriages succeed when both people put in the effort. Sadly, giving up seems easier. These days I halfway joke that I only want to officiate funerals and not marry anymore couples. Why? After a funeral the deceased stays buried, unlike many couples who get married.

Even so, I am a firm believer couples can work through any problem no matter how big, if they want to they can redeem any rocky relationship. If it’s true that challenge and adversity develop the quality of our personal character, why would we expect that relationships would be immune to this metamorphology as well? What if rocky relationships, like broken bones, once restored are stronger than they were before?

There are no problems too big for God to mend whenever we can acknowledge we personally have room for growth and we are willing to be transformed. I am completely optimistic on this, if we are willing to shake the scorpions out of our soul and form better habits, we might just live happily ever after -- together.

Good times -- great memories!

 

I read somewhere, “the world is a book, if you never leave home then you only read one page.” I would argue the point that it’s not just nice to get away once in a while, it’s necessary to get away and travel. This week Tammy and traveled and “read a new chapter” and it was good for the soul. 

Some of the best therapy is food & fun in the sun.  We had a wonderful visit with close friends, soaked up some sun, and ate lusciously! 

I honestly never imagined we would sample Japanese wagyu, but when our host took us to the Hyde Park steakhouse and ordered the A-5 for our table to share, we did and it literally melted in our mouth, much like the banana’s foster we had for dessert.  That was an emotional experience, the food was delicious and eating the wagyu nearly brought tears to my eyes.  The hype is real, there is no other piece of meat that is so succulent, tender, and flavorful.    

The night before that we ate at the local French restaurant and once again I ate the butter-flavored favorite of mine, foie gras for an appetizer and had lamb saddle for an entree with a chocolate soufflé, while Tammy enjoyed the mushroom ravioli with a foie gras sauce for an appetizer, beef short ribs for her entree, with a beautiful strawberry dessert 

Between several amazing entrées and beautiful walks on the beach with sand so white you needed sunglasses, time with good friends, this week flew by.  The weather could not have been more perfect, daily the breeze was heavenly, it was paradise on earth.  We saw dolphins the first and last day of our trip and we actually found a couple of live conch on the shore, that was a first! 

The sunsets? Don’t ask.  They were out of this world. 

This week was another reminder of how blessed we are.  Time away from home is good, and it's good to be back home.  There are so many things we take for granted in this life, simple things.  I hope I never take these trips and experiences for granted. 

What can we do about the stress of social media

 

I despise the excuse, “it’s a necessary evil,” yet I feel stuck.  While certain believers piously boast about taking a break from social media during Lent, personally, I would like to give it up for good.  Why?

There’s an overabundance of drama and arguing taking place on social media that’s sapping our joy.  Good Lord above have mercy, just imagine all of the nonsense flooding social media this November with our upcoming Presidential election.

Plus, people bravely bully each other on social media, saying things to each other they would never say face to face.  Apparently, our judgmental side creeps out like kudzu whenever we hide behind the protective shield of our well-lit screen.  

 Also, for some reason social media is a breeding ground for negativity, fear-mongering, and conspiracy theories — any individual post has the power to unite, divide, and alienate simultaneously.   With each new controversy spawned by our culture, suddenly, everyone with a keyboard is an expert pontificating on every topic.  

And then daily, if we’re honest, social media siphons off too many hours.  Can you think of anything that steals our time so successfully?  

Last but certainly not least, social media competes for our attention with others too.  We hardly see anyone talking with each other anymore (or reading a printed page either), because they all have their noses glued to their phones.    

I have taken steps to reduce my frustration with social media, like unfriending unfriendly people and leaving groups/pages that only end up irritating me.  The line between dependence and addiction is blurry, I know -- I’m trying to maintain more balance, but it isn’t always easy with social media. If you have recommendations on how you tame this chaos, I’m all ears.  

Here’s the rub, in my desperation to remain relevant and accessible I feel like I can’t afford to break free.  My wife and I run a small business and our exposure on social media helps customers find us.  And, the church where I preach, we livestream our sermons weekly and we usually have more people watching through social media than we have in actual attendance.  

Social media isn’t evil per se, but it seems like our reliance upon it is a necessary evil.  As I wrestled with all of this I asked myself, is there a passage of Scripture that might offer a filter, perhaps some guidance on how to navigate or manage this conundrum?  Here’s what came to mind, I hope you find these words of Jesus helpful too, “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” (Matt 10:16)

We celebrate Easter this weekend and the promise of transformation through the Resurrection.  Does your time on social media reflect a Spirit-filled redeemed life or does it represent something less?  Thankfully, the choice belongs to each of us on what we allow to influence our hearts, may we allow God on this Good Friday to lead us to choose more wisely.  

Originally published in the Times News:

https://www.timesnews.net/living/faith/craig-cottongim-does-your-time-on-social-media-reflect-a-spirit-filled-redeemed-life/article_daf15cec-ec71-11ee-9591-0bcef3f8eba0.html

Being An Army of Ordinaries: why you should see the movie One Life

 

Streaming services have spoiled me.  We still like to watch movies, but usually from the comfort of our home.  I like having the control over the pause button when I need a bathroom-break and free popcorn.  Today we went to a real theater, it's only the second time in about four years to watch a movie in a theater for us, and I am glad we went.  

I shouldn't be surprised but the theater was only about 20%  full, I think we as a culture have gotten out of the habit of going to the theater.  That is neither here nor there, I'm glad we went today because it would be a shame to wait to see One Life.  

I'm glad Tammy discovered the release of a true life story turned into a movie "One Life," starring none other than Anthony Hopkins.  I typically do not cry while watching a movie, but here I did.  The WWII story of Nicky Winton rescuing over 600 Czech children from the Nazi Holocaust was well done, it was memorable, and it should cause anyone watching it to enter into some serious self-reflection.  

In a race against time, paper-pusher stock market office man Winton agonizes over how to move as many children to safety as possible.  This is not an action movie, Hopkins is often nerdy and feeble, and it's not driven by dialogue either.  Hopkins shuffles around from room to room, a prisoner of his memories and frustrated with the inability to have rescued more children than he did.  Hardly the stuff of The Oscars.  

You won't be dazzled by the movie-sets, the soundtrack, or the dialogue.  The character of the character is the point, the compassionate crusader who won't give up is the driving force of the story.  He fights bureaucracy , he raises money, he hounds people, he helps find foster homes, and his devotion to make a difference because he can, is moving.  He is compelled to do the right thing, how refreshing...

Hopkins was the protagonist of the movie, but the real heroes were the folks behind the scenes.  The brave risktakers, the men and women secretly organizing the efforts in Prague to get the children to England as the Nazi war machine gained momentum, and of course the ones who opened their homes and took in the children, these were the real heroes.

    

The movie is a stark reminder of how callous and how indifferent we can be to the suffering of the faceless crowds.  We are slow to alleviate the suffering of helpless people or to combat the forces of evil.  It is not a feel good movie, it is not an inspirational or motivational movie per se, there is no hype or hard-sell, it a soft-sell, undersold, lowkey pitch: You can and you should help, that is the message, or the moral of the story as the old saying goes.

There has been enough time & ample distance from the Holocaust that unfortunately we are either numb to it or we have forgotten about the brutality, the hostility, the horror of unspeakable crimes against humanity that took place in the camps  It is fitting that a movie like this, without polarizing us or politicizing anything, keeps the terrible memory alive and in so doing prompts us to assess our own character.  

This is not a negative complaint or a critique of the movie, instead what I'm about to say is more a reflection on us.  The storyline of One Life (rightful so) just sort of plods along, offers lackluster dialogue, and is slow-paced.  I'm glad it was the way it was.  Why?  Riveting plots get in the way, they cloud powerful messages, and this movie packed a powerful message that is timeless and relevant. 

Yes it had great acting from Hopkins, yes there were great lines, but the whole production was window-dressing.  The real value was the underlying message of the movie, not the movie itself.  The movie was just the container, the story of Winton was the worthwhile content.  

The movie doesn't attack Nazi Germany as one would expect, it attacks our comfort zone.  If the cast or the script stole the spotlight, the movie wouldn't be worth my time to blog about it.  To be clear, I am highly recommending the movie, please go see it as soon as possible, just know this, this movie is more than likely considered boring by Hollywood standards, there's nothing scandalous in it except our apathy and inactivity.  

The movie confronts us on an ethical level, in a healthy and calm manor, it doesn't judge the audience it only asks that you as the audience judge your own self.  One Life opens our mind to the fact that ordinary people can do the extraordinary when we listen to our conscience instead of culture.   

They can’t give you what they don’t have

 Quit crawling to an empty well to satisfy what your soul thirsts for, since certain people simply lack the ability to express what you long to hear, continually seeking from them what they are incapable of giving you is like drinking saltwater.  Anyone can offer an eloquent eulogy after it’s too late, but only truly confident people know how to compliment you and express their appreciation in the here & now.   

Perhaps they are resentful or envious of you, regardless, hoarding their affirmation probably gives them a sense of power and control over you.  It’s simple to say “I’m proud of you” or “thank you for all that you do” or “wow, you are really good at what you do.” But they can’t relinquish their hold on your validation, because withholding it gives these weak people the feeling they crave most, dominance.  

Rejoicing with you when you “win” in life seems impossible for them.  If they were to uplift you, they feel like losers because in their emotional economy the transaction goes something like this: Encouragement gives you more quality leaving less for me, while discouragement takes value away from you leaving me with more.  

Actually you do give something of yourself when you elevate others, an insight into the quality of your character.  And, while discouraging you takes joy away from you, subjugators give you an insight into their heart -- their discouragement is not a true reflection of you but it is an accurate account of their wounded-brokenness.  

What is a more mature path to pursue than seeking their affirmation?  Shake off their dark cloud of disappointment and move on with your life.  While we do not earn God’s love, He already loves us, hopefully knowing He loves us will motivate us to live in a way that pleases God, so our goal should be to seek God’s approval.  

For a healthier perspective about proper ambitions, forget about those emotional bullies and consider these passages: 

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  (Gal 1:10)

“But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.” (I Thess 2:4)

Don’t despair when dishonorable people neglect to compliment you or express their gratitude.  Reinforcing their rejection, these pathetic people will never be happy for you, they won’t celebrate your victories, and at best they will rob you of whatever joy they can.  People who lack empathy are incapable of edifying others, so don’t dwell on their discouragement or you’ll be miserable just like they are.  

Of course this exact principle regarding encouragement applies to us all.  It’s a good idea then to ask yourself, when was the last time you praised anyone around you, honestly, how frequently do you freely cheer others on?

Why we need a vibrant vocabulary

 

Do you believe being more confident and capable would improve the quality of our life?  If so it becomes vital that we give each other, like a gift, a vibrant vocabulary. 

I’m not suggesting a dull vocabulary is a sin that stains our soul, though it certainly shackles our mind and stifles our spiritual growth. How so? 

An impoverished vocabulary limits our cognitive capabilities.  In the absence of a widely varied vocabulary many insights, concepts, and ideas are simply out of our reach and we cannot fully grasp them without access to the precise words.  Like guideposts along the highway, words direct our thoughts.  Similar to pigments on an artist’s palette, the more words you have, the better you can paint a mental picture for yourself and others.  

Jesus is titled/described as the Word, Scripture is God’s inspired word, God spoke the universe into existence.  Words are essential and invaluable, they shouldn’t remain inaccessible. 

Think of the times your doctor or mechanic diagnosed a problem, but then you felt a sense of embarrassment, dread, and inadequacy as they used words beyond your comprehension because their terminology exceeded your vocabulary.  Now, think about visitors trying to decipher our cryptic church lingo and who are left feeling clueless, like you felt in your doctor’s office or the mechanic’s garage.  Words are like tools in the workshop of our mind, or images from an MRI; words enable us to comprehend and adjust to the world around us.

An abundance of the proper words enables us to navigate the difficulties of work, relationships, and life in general. We need the correct words to communicate our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and the right words to resolve conflict and reduce confusion.   Simply put, the more developed our vocabulary becomes, the more confident and capable we become.

Consider implementing these standards for our vocabulary when practicing our faith publicly as the church: First, be conscientious of visitors and novice-believers and purposely avoid language that would alienate them as we assemble. Secondly, use richer/deeper theological language in our assemblies that will strengthen our level of spiritual maturity.  These transformative standards are not contradictory, but merging both of these ideas is challenging.  

How do we establish a broader, thriving vocabulary?  Not only do I cherish both my Johnson City and Kingsport public library cards, but many of the worthwhile books I have read required referencing a dictionary.  If you want to improve the lives of those you mentor or influence, encourage a love of reading and introduce them to books/audio-books that stretch their vocabularies. 

A prolific vocabulary makes possible the principles laid out in Col 4:6, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”  A high quality vocabulary fuels the power of persuasion as well as comprehension -- to be able to conceptualize and dialogue with ease about the Bible and the world we inhabit, we need to develop a more comprehensive vocabulary. 

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