Why police shoot innocent people

I've never worn the blue uniform, and chances are you haven't either.  Before you read another word, this is not a police-bashing post.  I have the greatest respect for people who serve and protect us, and who stand in harm's way, those who live knowing they might have to sacrifice their lives in the line of duty.

Okay, why do police shoot innocent people?
I can think of two reasons, in general, on why innocent people end up shot by the police.

Again, I'm not nor have I ever been in their shoes, but common sense makes it clear that #1, sometimes, who is "innocent" isn't clear, sometimes people make the wrong decisions, and not everyone is perfect, and unfortunately mistakes are made in the heat of the moment.  That's my defense for the completely accidental shootings where police who have honor and integrity make regretful mistakes.  This is one of the reasons I can see why police shootings happen.

By the way, I can't imagine the anguish an officer has to deal with for the rest of their lives after pulling the trigger and harming or killing an innocent person.  Before we judge all the police the same, think that over.  

Again, I'm not bashing the badge, but I'm also smart enough to know that not all police are stellar examples either.  Some police, I'm sure, have shot people when they didn't need to, out of anger, or simply out of cowardly convenience.

How can I balance this, this idea that I respect the uniform and the people who wear it, and yet acknowledge that some police aren't "innocent" in their mistakes?  Simple.  It's called the seduction of power.

The second reason police shoot innocent people, is the person behind the badge is a fraud.  Police, Pastors, School Principals, Troop leaders, and a few other positions/titles in our society attract people with the wrong motivations, people who are very unhealthy, people who will and do prey on those for whom they should be nurturing or saving.  There are people on power trips, who misuse and abuse their station in life.

Sadly, this misrepresentation of the uniform or office harms those who should be being protected or cared for.  Which is, by the way, the reason everyone is so raw over police brutality or when priests molest young boys.

What we can't do in our current situation, is overreact and label all police as bad.  We can't enact restrictions or make their difficult job even harder to perform.  They don't need more paperwork or body-cameras (unless they want this, to help protect their reputations).

What we can and should do, is have a better selection process on who we let serve on the front end, provide support along the way, provide ongoing training, and give them time away to relax and untangle their lives from the harsh work they do.  This again goes for people in ministry or school administration, or any office where there's a risk of drawing in people who might abuse their position.

I've met people who are police officers (or who wanted to join the force) yet who never should've become one.  And, I know some really good stand up guys who I'm proud to be friends with who are the type of police we all need.

The reality is, we need to make sure we don't rush to judgement and lump everyone together.  These are highly emotional times we are in, and we need to be calmer than we are, and more reasonable than we want to be.

When the police are no longer needed

When I was young and thought I was cool, I used to think police were pigs. I was arrested many times from my teenage years into my mid-twenties and I was highly disrespectful to many police officers. I regret that part of my life and I'm embarrassed by my former behavior.

What I find more embarrassing now, are the idiots who think we can have a free-for-all attack on the police. I think what our country needs to do, is to ship all the people who don't want to have police to somewhere like Somalia, a place where pirates run things. Only a complete imbecile thinks we can have a just and safe society without police.

In a perfect world, police would never make mistakes or misuse their position, but we don't live in a perfect world -- which is why we need police officers. Of course there will be times when any office is abused by those who should be protecting and serving us. Teachers have sex with their students, pastors embezzle church money, bankers share insider secrets, and Presidents lie to the people.

Here's what I think we are setting ourselves up for, as I see the news of these cowardly police ambushes. Number one, police will have to be more cautious, which means slower response times and more innocent lives will suffer. Number two, I think less people will sign up to serve as police officers, and soon we'll have a shortage of qualified people serving and protecting us. Thirdly, I think this will lead to the rise of more people taking the law into their own hands, which will give rise to more vigilante activities and greater anarchy far and wide. Fourthly, this will end up putting us in a military state nationwide where we have the National Guard replacing our police officers, and they will patrol the streets and we'll eventually need a curfew and check points throughout our cities.

Then, when the military patrols our streets and issues out justice (in other words, we'll end up with Martial Law) we'll no longer need the people who served and protected us, we won't need the police any longer and I'm sure everyone will be much happier then... and if you think this is stretch, you haven't traveled much outside the USA.

Hijacking the podium: When Celebrities pontificate

Have you ever been to a wedding, and when the father of the bride gives her away, the dad takes advantage of the opportunity to talk and makes a speech about the minimum wage?  Me either.  There's a time and a place for everything.

Jesse Williams, he wins an award from BET, for what most of us don't know because all anyone is talking about in the news are his inflammatory remarks toward white police officers.  His use of an award's ceremony to voice his political views is nothing new.

Back in February, Leonardo finally won an Oscar; but what we remembered most were his words on the climate.  Michael Moore ranted about the war in Iraq back in 2003 when he took the stage, and Marlon Brando back in 1973 refused to attend the Oscars when he was awarded an Oscar for the best actor, he enlisted the help of Native Americans to help him make his point.

For the sake of argument, let's say these celebrities are accurate in their analysis.  Is an award's ceremony the time & place to espouse your views, and, what happens when famous people use these events to take a stand?  Whether it's human rights, a special disease they want to spotlight, or civil rights for a particular group, what really is accomplished when celebrities lament the world's condition as they see it?

I imagine the person hijacking the podium feels a sense of accomplishment, and then goes back to living their elite lifestyle far removed from the dirt and grime of the problem they've described in vivid detail... but have they accomplished much of anything?  Since they aren't revealing novel information, it's not like they are informing the masses of new issues.  Not only aren't they bringing new information to light, they aren't fixing the situation either.

Really all these celebrities accomplish is taking the rhetoric of complaint into the realm of entertainment.  And this move devalues any serious impact they could've had.

If they have a beef with an institution or a political problem, they need to find the correct avenue in which to voice their complaint, and, they need to offer solutions to problem, not just vomit emotionally laden sentiments about how bad the world is.  Well, maybe they accomplish something, maybe they pit different sides against each other more often causing further divisions in our country?

To hijack a mic during an award's ceremony is immature and selfish, it's not heroic or admirable.  In fact, it's taking the easy way out and is about self-soothing motives.  These celebrities could use their influence like Bono of U2 has done for decades, mostly off the stage and behind the scenes.  Or, they could try to articulate their perspectives by writing an essay and submitting their thoughts to reputable magazines and newspapers and seeing if they can gain attention that way.  But to simply take advantages of a captive audience while you have the spotlight, that's simply deplorable and makes me think there isn't much substance to what you have to say or how you really feel about it..

What people really want

One of the best gifts I've received in this life has come my way twice.  First, during the formational years of my childhood and then again throughout adulthood.  As I observe people and relationships, I see clearly I've been gifted with an extremely rare prize.

Growing up my mother had the unique ability to allow me to pursue whatever path I would chose.  Looking back, I know I was a weird kid; when I pretended to be Tarzan, Robin Hood, or Conan the Barbarian, she never blinked an eye.  My mom never tried to shape me or fashion me into anything other than what I wanted, she allowed me to read freely and she provided me with money to buy books.  She let me roam freely and explore the world around me without unnecessary restrictions.  I credit my mom for my creative side and my self-confidence.

As a young adult, very young, I was blessed to marry my wife Tammy.  Tammy has always supported me in whatever career choice, ambitions, or direction I've felt led towards.  She encourages me and complements me, and she stands beside me in the work I do -- she sees potential in me when I don't.  No matter what the form or expression of my work (while putting up with my personal quirky side) Tammy is more than supportive and she is absolutely the best fit for me.  Not only is Tammy beautiful and thrilling to be with, I couldn't do what I do without her.  I credit Tammy with any of my accomplishments in this life.

Where am I going with this?
What I'm trying to communicate is the power of acceptance.

People do not want to be forced to conform to what the world or others want, people want to be accepted for who they are.  But, you ask, "What if they are on an unhealthy path?" The paradox is, we can only influence people when we let them be themselves.

And, all people have an instinctual reflex that kicks in when you try to manipulate them or coerce them, and it naturally causes distance.  So, if you want to grow close to others you must love them and accept them for who they are, and you'll be surprised who they can become by giving them the freedom we all want -- but most rarely give.

Why people we can't stand are so popular

If the research can be trusted, and I see no reason not to believe what is being published in this case, one of greatest regrets people voiced on their deathbeds was: I wish I had been more courageous and expressed myself.

Think about this, of the deepest regrets people have at the end of their lives, at the top of the list was the disappointment of not speaking up in life.  Ranking higher than wishing they had worked less and spent more time with their families was this nagging agony from not having shared their opinions more often.

Which leads me to this conclusion, blowhards who are often viewed as obnoxious or belligerent are wildly popular simply because they do speak their mind.  In a sense, I think many people are living boldly, however vicariously, through the opinionated talking heads they watch on TV.

Many media sensations are frustratingly unoriginal and lack tact or intelligence.  Yet, they have an audience who sits there quietly thinking, "I wish I could say that too, you're my hero..."

I for one was never impressed with the Duck Dynasty series.  I applaud them for their wonderful family values and strong faith.  I believe they are genuinely good people.  But still.  I have redneck family members who could run circles around the Robertson family with saying it how they see it.  The show's popularity and the speaking engagements they have landed stem mainly from Phil shooting straight from the hip and saying whatever he thinks, minus any novelty.
  
I guess the takeaway here is this: Speak your mind while you still have time and don't lose your mind over the people you can't stand in the media -- they have everyone's ear who wishes they could only open their mouths too.

When it's okay to be needy...

The term, "Needy," carries such negative connotations.  When we hear the phrase, "You are so needy," it sounds like a hateful criticism.  Plants need sunlight to thrive, but no one faults a flower for its needs.  Babies need milk to grow.  In fact we come into this life kicking and screaming, and we are very adept at letting our needs be known before we can even talk.

Perhaps this whole subject is a sore spot because we don't understand, in some sense, we are all needy.  More to the point, the confusion sets in as we mismanage our neediness.

Let's be honest, brutally honest.  Needy people can be exhausting and we feel drained just at the mention of their name.  Sadly, some people do not want to be healthy, and they will gladly go along sucking the life out anyone who will let them.  Don't.  Don't give into codependency.  You won't help them or yourself.

Part of the problem with needy people is they can become takers.  They only call when they are in an emergency.  They only have one topic to discuss, ever, and it's some void they want you to fill.  They never give back.  They are a demanding victim who expects you to rescue them, over & over again.

The more you give into a needy person, the more they will take from you, until soon there's nothing left of you for yourself.  It's tiresome to constantly be meeting the needs of others.  But the other end of the spectrum isn't the answer though.  We don't want to go through life as constantly feeling dependent upon others.

On the other hand, there are people who are so desperate to be needed, they create circumstances to manipulate others into depending on them.  They don't realize how needy they are -- they need to be needed.  These people need to be your champion and to have as many people as possible lean on them, in order for them to feel whole.

And, it's hard for some people to admit they have needs that can only be met by other people.  People who feel smug and think they are far superior to the rest are no more healthy than the person who latches on to your leg and leaches the life out of you... through a slow miserable death.

So what's the difference between having needs and being a needy person?  In other words, Why are we all needy?  We are all needy because we aren't made to be independent.  We have to partner with other people -- we need others to enter into this life and to navigate this life.  In other words, we are healthiest when we are interdependent.

Is there anyway out of this bleak situation?  How can we manage our actual needs without allowing our weaknesses to become our identity?  It's perfectly fine to voice your needs to those who can and want to meet your needs, those with whom you have a reciprocal relationship.

The best way I know to manage our needs is to become someone who establish healthy boundaries with others.  If you want to gauge how healthy another person is emotionally, watch how well they respond to your boundaries.  Just like a border between cities or states, it's important to know where you begin and where others end.

Therefore, the starting point is recognizing we all do have needs that we can't meet alone, but we don't have to succumb to being a needy person.  Secondly, work to collaborate with others so we can mutually meet each other's needs in the healthiest way possible.  Finally, establish and maintain healthy boundaries.

The ABC’s of gossip

It’s true for many of us, our ears perk up whenever we hear the soft-spoken phrase, “Did you hear about...?” Yet, while this conversation is going on, no one is feeling guilty -- even though we are whispering and looking over our shoulders the whole time. Why? Gossip often feels innocent in the moment, since we aren’t spreading lies after all. Which of course is why we include, “Bless their heart...” just to be on the safe side.

Still, whether or not the information being shared is accurate, gossip damages the heart of community more than just about any other misbehavior people become involved in together. I believe a church or group of people can survive most any setback, but once gossip becomes part of their culture, that congregation or team of people is doomed. It doesn’t matter if you are gathered around the office water-cooler or handing out church bulletins in the foyer, there’s nothing worse for your organization or assembly than to have people gossiping.

Gossip spreads faster than athlete's feet in a locker room, but in case you haven’t given the topic much thought before, for your consideration I’ll share the “ABC’s” of gossip with you. But please don’t tell anyone where you heard about this. Let’s just keep this between the two of us, okay?

A: Gossip Alienates people. Whenever we are involved in gossiping, there’s at least one victim. The victim is the one we are talking about behind their back, and we’ve purposely cut them out of the conversation for obvious reasons. Remember, nothing cuts a conversation shorter than the arrival of the person you were just gossiping about. Furthermore, we usually keep our distance after we’ve talked about someone else -- it is very uncomfortable to make eye-contact with someone we’ve just drug through the mud.

Consider this as you think about how gossip alienates people, “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” (Prov 16:28 NLT)

Many warped people spread gossip to feel better about themselves, true. But remember this fact: Anyone who will gossip to you, will gossip about you. You might think the of you two are bonding while you share secrets, but really, you are alienating others and yourself.

B: Gossip is a Betrayal. We break people’s confidence whenever we gossip. We betray their trust, no matter how we rationalize it. When you know sensitive information about someone and you share it with others for sensational motives, you’ve dissolved the glue that holds all relationships together, you’ve destroyed their trust. For example, “A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.” (Prov 11:13 NLT)

Face it, the only gossip that gains traction is gossip that includes sensitive or embarrassing information. People don’t gossip about the weather. People like to talk about the elder’s children who are involved in some type of inappropriate and reckless behavior -- probably because they were hanging out with the deacon’s kids....

And finally, C: Gossip is ultimately about Control. This is the sickest part of gossiping. We exert control over who gets to hear the information, when they hear it, the flow of information, and how we leverage the gossip, all to give ourselves a sense of power. We even try to bind the people we gossip to when we say, “No, don’t tell anyone, especially don’t say you heard this from me.” That puts people in an awkward situation, every time.

Having “juicy info” gives some people a demented sense of power over others, but it’s not just unhealthy, it’s wicked. People like to be “in the know,” and they like the feeling of having knowledge others do not have, but others they wish they had. The whole thing is messed up.

Basically, gossip is conversational adultery and it often ruins the reputation of innocent people. Sadly, many Christians who would like to “pray more intelligently” about others also like to share slander under the guise of faithfulness. Remember this, your kids hear every word you don’t want them to, outsiders will rightful avoid judgmental believers, and gossip might be socially acceptable but it’s destructive to society.

Gossip, while it gives some people a rush, erodes the integrity of a community just like a landslide. Scripture is clear, we should avoid people who gossip, “A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers.” (Prov 20:19 NLT). Gossip is impure and destructive, so guard your heart and your mouth and you’ll safeguard your community.