Being in...

 

You've heard it said when people are successful or just plain lucky, they happened to be in the right place at the right time, and conversely when we are unlucky, what do they say?  They say, we were in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Is this a valid way to look at life, or is it a victimhood mentality/excuse?   

Take for example your DNA or genetics, they are all completely out of your control.  Just like the family you were born into or the grade school you attended.  Today, the career you are in or the neighborhood you now live in, did you choose any of them or were they thrust upon you against your will?  Do you really have free will and what good is it when so much of this life seems to be directed by forces outside of our wishes?  

The question pounding us like 20 Ton Hammer is: How can we find satisfaction, meaning, or even purpose when we feel so powerless?  Are you looking for a mature response to this?  Here's what I think.  What we really struggle with is the reality that while we might not be in control of much of our life, we are still responsible for our choices & behaviors, and in some way we pay for or are rewarded by our actions & attitudes.    

I recommend we do the best we can, put forth the effort, try to enjoy each sunrise/sunset, new birth and each passing, and simple meals together with loved ones all the while recognizing that this life feels meaningless most of the time, but it is a life that is temporary and eternity is not far off for all of us.   

As you wrestle with "being in control and being responsible" as you are being in the moment, I'll leave you with this, consider Solomon's advice and his reflection on all of this in Eccl 9, "9 Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. 10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going. 11 Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all. 12 For man does not know his time. Like fish that are taken in an evil net, and like birds that are caught in a snare, so the children of man are snared at an evil time, when it suddenly falls upon them. "

When what we want, seems to elude us

I'm not sure why life refuses to promise us security or why it withholds any assurances of success.  The only guarantees in life seem to be, if you lick a frozen flagpole your tongue will stick, if you put your hand on a hot stove-top you'll get burned, and if all of your friends jump off a cliff, well you get the idea.

Relationships fall apart, factories close down, unanticipated sickness can strike -- all without notice.  Which seems to leave us with two choices.  Fight the stream or get swept away.

The reality is, hard work, doing the right thing, or simply having good intentions are insufficient for reaching all of your goals -- unscathed.  Having an inner ability to persist, to never give up, to have the grit to face defeat undeterred by our setbacks, this is rare and it still doesn't insure you will win.

Life is a struggle.  Charisma, self-confidence, or a great skill-set won't carry the day.

You have to ask yourself which is worse, not achieving your dreams or not even trying.  Most people cave under the pressure of everyday life, they won't even try in the face of the odds that are stacked against them.  Do you pity them, respect them, or want to be like them?

Maintaining hope requires an active but mature imagination, developing a strong will, and an ability to accept that failures and obstacles always pave the path leading to the finish line.  The voices of your childhood telling you you could be anything or do anything you want must be balanced against the cold truth that nothing comes easy in this life.

Beware of simple answers that promise to reduce the risks, beware of employing underhanded or manipulative tactics, beware of slogans and platitudes that diminish the facts.  Sure, you could just adjust your expectations, all it takes is a motivational poster on the wall...

Can you be happy irregardless of the circumstances or does your satisfaction depend on externals that will mainly remain outside of your control?  Become the person that doesn't resort to justifying any means to reach their end, and who can experience peace in every situation, do this and you will have accomplished more than reaching any temporary goal/dream that has persistently evaded you.

Don't give up the fight.  But don't give into it either.  In the end, when what you seek eludes you, the important perspective centers on "who" you are, not on "what" you achieved/acquired.  Attitude and character trump everything else. 

Schools shootings are really a symptom of

Headaches are a symptom of high blood pressure -- don’t ask me how I know. Taking an aspirin might help the headache, but it won’t address the hypertension that is killing you. School shootings are getting a lot of focus, but I submit these shootings are a symptom of an even darker problem.

Some people have rightly pointed out that “studies” don’t tie school shootings to the violent video games that have consumed our Nation’s young people. Common sense tells me otherwise. Still, even so, the video games and actions movies that glorify killing are only a symptom, they’re not the actual disease.

There are two lightning rod issues that have our nation divided: Abortion and gun control. Second Amendment advocates are unwilling to relinquish assault weapons. Why not? Because if you can ban one type of firearm, the rest will soon be taken away. It’s the same thinking with partial-birth abortions. I don’t know anyone in their right mind that thinks terminating a baby once it enters the birth canal is OKAY. Yet, if that “procedure” is outlawed, then it’s only a matter of time until all abortions are eliminated.

When I was growing up, “gun control” was resting the barrel of your rifle across a branch or on a log to steady your aim. And, all life was sacred; pregnant women “glowed” and all babies were considered precious.

In case you are wondering where I stand, I’m pro-life, and while I grew up with guns and think we should all have the right to bear arms, I can’t really see the need for civilians to have military assault weapons. But again, people on both sides of the divide are unwilling to budge, because they think these are “all or nothing” issues and they fear losing their stance.

My favorite rifle is a .30-30, and I’d like to one day own a “Judge” handgun, it’s a .45 that also holds 410 shotgun shells. The way I grew up, guns were for sport, hunting, and home-protection. Guns were never for resolving petty conflicts. We were taught from a young age to have respect for life indirectly and gun safety overtly.

Guns and abortions aren’t even half of the equation. People don’t even respect their own health these days. Cigarettes probably kill more people than anything else. Forks kill more people than guns do -- we are an obese nation that loves fatty and high-sugar-content foods. Our lifestyles are killing us.

Life isn’t valued, that is the disease! Many of these violent tragedies we are so worried about are simply the symptoms of a culture that disrespects life. This problem didn’t spring up overnight and it won’t be resolved in a day. There are no easy ways to address this malignancy that is devouring us.

Similar to suicide, mass shootings are a last resort to fixing a problem. Kids don’t kill their classmates because they feel like they other tools to address their problems, they see it as the only way. Why? We have a generation of people who don’t, A: know how to resolve their conflicts/problems, and B: They have devalued life.

Whenever we politicize any issue (think gun control and abortions) society loses its bearings. Please stop thinking and believing politicians have the ability to solve our social woes or that they can fix our moral dilemmas. Start teaching the toddlers in your life to work out their own problems and teach them about the sanctity of all human life, and then maybe in a generation we’ll see less death and violence. If not, then pray, Lord Come Quickly.

When it's okay to be needy...

The term, "Needy," carries such negative connotations.  When we hear the phrase, "You are so needy," it sounds like a hateful criticism.  Plants need sunlight to thrive, but no one faults a flower for its needs.  Babies need milk to grow.  In fact we come into this life kicking and screaming, and we are very adept at letting our needs be known before we can even talk.

Perhaps this whole subject is a sore spot because we don't understand, in some sense, we are all needy.  More to the point, the confusion sets in as we mismanage our neediness.

Let's be honest, brutally honest.  Needy people can be exhausting and we feel drained just at the mention of their name.  Sadly, some people do not want to be healthy, and they will gladly go along sucking the life out anyone who will let them.  Don't.  Don't give into codependency.  You won't help them or yourself.

Part of the problem with needy people is they can become takers.  They only call when they are in an emergency.  They only have one topic to discuss, ever, and it's some void they want you to fill.  They never give back.  They are a demanding victim who expects you to rescue them, over & over again.

The more you give into a needy person, the more they will take from you, until soon there's nothing left of you for yourself.  It's tiresome to constantly be meeting the needs of others.  But the other end of the spectrum isn't the answer though.  We don't want to go through life as constantly feeling dependent upon others.

On the other hand, there are people who are so desperate to be needed, they create circumstances to manipulate others into depending on them.  They don't realize how needy they are -- they need to be needed.  These people need to be your champion and to have as many people as possible lean on them, in order for them to feel whole.

And, it's hard for some people to admit they have needs that can only be met by other people.  People who feel smug and think they are far superior to the rest are no more healthy than the person who latches on to your leg and leaches the life out of you... through a slow miserable death.

So what's the difference between having needs and being a needy person?  In other words, Why are we all needy?  We are all needy because we aren't made to be independent.  We have to partner with other people -- we need others to enter into this life and to navigate this life.  In other words, we are healthiest when we are interdependent.

Is there anyway out of this bleak situation?  How can we manage our actual needs without allowing our weaknesses to become our identity?  It's perfectly fine to voice your needs to those who can and want to meet your needs, those with whom you have a reciprocal relationship.

The best way I know to manage our needs is to become someone who establish healthy boundaries with others.  If you want to gauge how healthy another person is emotionally, watch how well they respond to your boundaries.  Just like a border between cities or states, it's important to know where you begin and where others end.

Therefore, the starting point is recognizing we all do have needs that we can't meet alone, but we don't have to succumb to being a needy person.  Secondly, work to collaborate with others so we can mutually meet each other's needs in the healthiest way possible.  Finally, establish and maintain healthy boundaries.

You won't always be the headliner in life, and that's fine

(Brandon Heath opening for Toby Mac in Kingsport TN at Funfest 7/16/15)

Parents simply don't tell their young kids, "When you grow up, you can be anything you want, you could be the Vice President!"  As a culture we undervalue anything short of 1st place.  Is that healthy?  What does it take to bring out our potential anyway?

The only way we get better at whatever our craft is, is to keep doing over & over what we are trying to perfect with practice, effort, feedback, and hopefully with a lot of encouragement from those who count along the way.  

Whether it's music, writing, any art or task, we have to keep working at getting better.  In life, no one sets out to be the opening band, that's more like a starting place in the minds of most.  Yes, die hard fans, committed family, close friends & loved ones love the opening band, still the opening band knows many of the general fans came to see the headliner.  

The truth is, the opening band is hardest working crew on stage.  They are pouring their heart & soul into their music, they are hungry, and they won't settle for anything but giving their fans their best effort.  Headliners can leave us with the sense they are going through the motions, it's all routine. 

I think building your reputation as an artist or craftsman or practitioner is much more rewarding than resting on past accomplishments. To be future oriented is healthier than thinking your best days are behind you. "Arriving" is a moving target that is ever allusive. 

If you find yourself in the "opening band" category of life and you wrestle with it, one step that will help bring you peace is the realization you aren't in competition with the headliners. You are your own standard. You are unique. 

The other night as I waited with our son for Toby Mac to take the stage, the opener, Brandon Heath, was so humble and he played his heart out in such a way, I was impressed, it gave me a new appreciation for the folks in life who show up and work hard even though most of the crowd is waiting on someone else.

Brandon Heath also showed me the difference between performing well, and putting on a performance to just impress people.  Brandon definitely accomplished the former.

In life we won't always be on the center stage, we won't always be the name on the marque, sometimes we are the ones off to the side.  Trying to get published, recorded, filmed, or wherever you are trying to make headway in won't be easy, but it's even harder if you think you are going make it there the easy way... and everyone else is your competition.