What you need to know Before you express your appreciation during Pastor's appreciation month:

 

This is pastor appreciation month and I am treated better than I deserve; I feel blessed to be part of a church that loves my family and encourages us, so no sour grapes here from me! I can’t complain about the church we minister with — instead I simply want to lift the curtain and allow you a sneak peek into a world you think you know but you really don’t.

Certainly every profession has its challenges that most outsiders, through no fault of their own, fail to comprehend. Nurses carry heavy workloads enduring long hours and often are unfairly pitted between patients and doctors. School administrators learn early on you will never please everyone. Police officers, often disrespected and challenged by the public they serve and protect, risk their lives to maintain law and order. Serving others is uniquely difficult and feels thankless at times.

Until you have entrusted your livelihood into the hands of volunteers who feel they hold a lot of sway over how you spend your money, where you live, what you drive, how you dress, what you can and cannot say, same for the movies you watch, not to mention decisions they want to make for your whole family, you will never know the stress and the anxiety of many pastors. Pocket-watchers are always curious wondering what pastors do all day -- they wouldn’t know how our time is spent because few pastors will toot their own horn.

Regardless of the size of the congregation, most pastors wake up thinking about their churches, and throughout the day are in prayer for their congregations, emailing or texting with or talking on the phone or in person, and this goes on until they hit their pillow, every single day of every week. This has nothing to do with the multitude of other responsibilities like writing bulletin articles, sermon preparations, organizing events, being a liaison with the community, or recruiting people to serve.

We are available and on call 24/7/365, we never shut our phones off in case of a crisis, we come home early from vacations and miss family meals often. We do not have regular hours, there can be a death, an ER visit to attend to, an emergency counseling session, or an impromptu Bible study -- all scheduling can go out the window without a moment’s notice.

As rewarding as ministry is, there are significant sacrifices and struggles within the home of pastors that many church members take for granted and are unaware of. We don’t clock out at the end of the day and disconnect from work. We don’t have a switch to flip or a conveyor belt to unplug. Our work goes everywhere we go.

Pastoral families forfeit much of their privacy. The pastor’s personal life is made more public than perhaps in any other profession, the church knows your income, your phone number, and much more than church-member’s co-workers know about each other. Often pastor’s children unfairly grow up in a fishbowl, those same kids who are criticized & judged for being wild at times because just like the old saying, “the cobbler’s kids go barefoot.”

Where do pastors find new ideas or the time to prepare “interesting” lessons that captivate everyone’s attention and apply to the whole age-range of the congregation, or even plan out a future sermon series? It’s hard to pump water from an empty well, yet there is precious little extra time to fill your mind and remain creative in this fast paced world. The demands of ministry can drain you spirituality, mentally, and emotionally, yet Sunday rolls around every week and the pulpit won’t wait.

There’s an insecurity many pastors hide deep within, worried they can fulfill their calling. Who could imagine they could stand in the gap between this world and the next, between the temporary and the eternal, and make a difference in the lives of people who treat church attendance as if it were optional?

Not feeling well? Beautiful weather and a good day to hit the lake? Long week and you want to catch up on your sleep Sunday morning? Pastors do not enjoy the luxury of skipping church on a whim.

The pressures real and perceived to deliver relevant, timely, and interesting messages over and over again, carrying the concern of your flock’s souls, worries about lost folks, dealing with antagonism & conflict, managing multiple expectations, planning worship services, balancing other responsibilities, these all can overwhelm anyone soon enough. Few people knock on the pastor’s door asking how they can help, they knock on the door and ask you for more -- if you wonder about pastoral burnout, you don’t have to ask if it’s real.

Ministry truly is a labor of love; it’s complex, demanding, draining, demoralizing at times, yet it’s wonderfully fulfilling and rewarding. Sadly not every pastorate is as wonderful as our family’s experience is these days, but now that you have a better glimpse into pastoral life, hopefully you will feel sincere in showing your pastors you appreciate them. Too many pastors only hear from those who express their disappointments, so if you have a pastor please prioritize telling them how much you appreciate all they and their family do.

Tucker Carlson, welcome to our world.

 Apparently Tucker Carlson has realized what preachers have known for generations, it is risky to speak your mind. There’s a price to be paid for speaking your mind when you communicate for a living. Tucker has experienced the weight of golden chains, this is a pressure well known to ministers and their families.

I learned early on in ministry that the church elder who determines what could be questioned or what questions could be addressed, and who dictates which topics are off limits, that person was the one who was in charge.  Tucker is learning about that firsthand himself, I feel like saying to Tucker, “hold my beer…”

I wish I always had the confidence I have now, to be able to freely speak my mind. Honestly, it is intimidating to know that your livelihood is on the line if you go against the grain. But it shouldn’t be that way. 

I’m not smart enough to know the difference between censorship and power-plays or control and manipulation I don’t know what end of the spectrum Tucker is on, I do not feel his first amendment rights are being violated, or that he is not allowed to speak his mind, he’s only deplatformed at Fox.  He’s too talented to stay on the sidelines for long  

If the Internet is to be trusted, Fox News is paying him handsomely to stay home. I don’t think he is suffering greatly, although I do think he is feeling the pressure of being repressed. 

Tucker, who I’m a fan of, just has to find his outlet. To be honest, I am surprised our local newspaper prints half of the columns that I submit. Also, I love blogging because here I can speak my mind freely and people are welcome to read or not, it is after all a free country.

By the way, if Tucker is in your opinion a persona non grata, sub him from the equation and insert Don Lemon, formally of CNN.   They were coincidently fired on the same day, I like Tucker, but choose your example however you like.  The point still stands, if you communicate for a living whenever you speak your mind, you take a risk.

So Tucker is experiencing how nasty it can get when you speak out and the folks holding the purse strings balk, ministers and their families have known this for a very long time, but there’s a bigger lesson that applies to us all here.

We do not have to agree with people to respect them, it is appropriate to have differing views and to dialogue about them. The problem that Tucker Carlson and his recent experience is highlighting is that we have lost the art of dialogue in this country. We have somehow drawn the wrong conclusion, we have decided as a culture that unanimity & total agreement are necessary for conversation.  Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Is there a Brain Drain in the churches of Christ and is it being led by ministers?

I want to start this post by sharing a screen shot of Rich Little's FB status, as a way to introduce my thoughts:

(Facebook post from Rich Little) 

If you pause to consider it, ministers are called to think, a lot.  We think about sermons we are writing, future classes we are preparing, personal studies with others, how to address challenges within our congregations, what to do when counseling people, etc. So, basically we should spend much of our workweek in thought.  What happens though, when a movement or denomination discourages their ministers from thinking, or from expanding their thinking?

When I was a Bible major at Harding, F. Lagard Smith’s book “Who is my Brother?” was hot off the press. It was also a time when some within our brotherhood wrestled with questions over our identity. Particularly, are we “evangelicals,” and if not, what are we? I also remember during this period Flavil Yeakley warning our class, unless trends in attendance improved, the church of Christ could be nearly nonexistent by the year 2020.

Along this same time, over hushed cups of coffee shared in closed quarters, preaching students and Bible professors discreetly talked about our longings to be able to think freely, to rethink some of our methods of Biblical interpretation, and how to implement change in church settings while remaining faithful to our heritage. But dim clouds hovered over us, for our concerns were not merely of being ostracized, but of being dismissed and becoming unemployable.

At this same time, several established and trustworthy leaders voiced concerns in the classroom and in chapel over a potential division brewing on the horizon: Would the controversies over women’s roles cause a great schism in the churches of Christ as we entered the 21st century? Some predicted a fourth branch of the Restoration Movement was imminent.

Meanwhile, a slow but budding exodus populated by people who weren’t worried about those questions would gain momentum. As ministers and then a new generation of believers, believers who grew up going to VBS, Winterfest, Bible camp, and Lads to Leaders & LTC gradually disengaged from their congregations. Yet, no one seemed alarmed.

The tension that we face over losing some of our best and brightest minds isn’t unique to us alone. Searching articles in the Washington Post, the Huffington post, and other major news outlets will reveal many articles which highlight the slow attrition of ministers and the siphoning off of the Millennial generation from churches in general. The Pew Forum on Religion & Public life, and the Barna Group have both shared startling statistics detailing the loss of faith many young people experience as well. What I think is missing from the analysis of this trend is the disillusionment people feel when they can’t be transparent or vulnerable with the people they break bread with and when “questions” are discouraged.

Young people today aren’t looking for laser light shows, lattes, or laid-back worship services, and, our preachers aren’t interested in these “church fads” either. Attempts at being “cool” will not recruit Millennials to our pews. This generation of young people in their 20’s & 30’s seek significance from their faith and the freedom grow intellectually and experientially. If they can’t find this freedom from within our heritage, they are going to continue to look elsewhere for substance-- far from what they perceive as closed-minded or sectarian churches.

For too long, we asked question about how to keep certain people happy, how to not rock the boat, and how to make sure no one was ever offended. Are we facing consequences for worrying more about not disrupting the way things have always been done than over worrying about being led by God? Our younger generation doesn’t see the relevance of fighting old battles which were initially proposed by people long dead, and our ministers are suffering burnout over fighting for ideas they don’t personally embrace. But I do not think all is lost.

Even though the vast majority of my college classmates have abandoned full time ministry, and I’ve seen countless young people walk away from church, I’m hopeful for our future when I see the lineups at events like the Tulsa Soul Winning Workshop and at some of our Bible lectureships. As we invite in solid intellectuals who are deep thinkers, like N.T. Wright and Scot McKnight, and as we host events where passionate speakers like Francis Chan and Bob Goff can speak to our people, I see hope for our ability to integrate into their ideas into our theological framework.

A recently released movie, “Concussion,” is based on the true story of NFL players who suffered major brain damage from multiple head traumas they received playing football. The tension in the plot is over the fact NFL leaders knew about the dangers to the players, but they were afraid to reveal the truth. Could someone write a script for our circumstance, “Concession?” If we continue to discourage our preachers from stretching the comfort zone of the congregations they serve, if we do not find resolution for the stereotypical confrontations between elderships and their preachers, and if we do not find ways to help our young people transition into adulthood with their faith in tact, Flavil Yeakley’s prediction might come true for the church of Christ.


End-note:

The above picture up top is a screenshot of Rich Little's Facebook post where he shared his exit from ministry.  I met Rich in the late '90s when the word on the street was he was being groomed to replace Dr. Burkes as the next president of Harding University; Rich was a student at Trinity and he was preaching at the Naperville church of Christ at that time.  After Rich defended his PhD., instead of returning to Harding as planned, the Naperville church brokered a deal with Harding to keep Rich on staff in Naperville, and then eventually Rich left Naperville and went to Malibu Ca.   I really don't know why he choose to leave vocational ministry, I would say though that his leaving ministry illustrates the struggle I'm describing well, that of thinking-intellectuals wrestling with finding a place in some of the churches of Christ.

Presently, I myself preach in a non-denominational church, New Song, and we are heavily influenced by the Restoration Movement.  I found salvation in a loving mainline church of Christ, actually the Naperville Church of Christ.  I have no ill-will towards the churches of Christ, and if the right fit were possible & if God someday led us in that direction, I would one day gladly preach in a church of Christ again.  I'm saddened that people with such great potential have these struggles, but I'm sure this isn't unique only to them.  I'm guessing many congregations of many stripes are suffering from this brain-drain too; I'm afraid these are simply the consequences and the fruition of sectarianism.

From the other side of the pulpit

We need vibrant churches to enjoy a thriving community where families are spiritually healthy and people know true peace.  And we know, a lot is riding on the person in the pulpit.  If your congregation recently replaced anyone on staff or if you’ve ever called a new minister to serve, I imagine you put a lot of thought into what you hoped for out of the ministerial relationship.  More than likely, you clearly communicated your needs to your church leader.  Chance are, most of the folks in your church are unclear about the needs of the church staff.

Maybe you’ve noticed, we don’t have many young people going into professional ministry.  By the way, the word “professional” isn’t just the opposite of an amateur, it began as a religious word, as in one who professes God’s word.  And these days there can be a high turnover rate in many pulpits.  Ministry is stressful, exhausting, and it takes a toll on those who God calls to serve and their families too.  Is there anything we can do to address this?  

Since the Reverend, Pastor, Preacher, Minister or Evangelist, (or whatever title your church uses for the person in your pulpit) might not tell you what they need too, please allow me to share some insights from the other side of the pulpit.

Before I go further, one of the reasons I even have the freedom to write this, is because I’m blessed to serve in a really loving church.  We have families in church who make me feel special and who go to great lengths to express their appreciation to me.  I even have an “adopted mom” who calls me son.

Sadly, I know too many ex-ministers who weren’t so fortunate.  I’d guess if you looked around your sanctuary Sunday mornings, there are more former ministers sitting in the pews than there are people serving on your pastoral staff.  I also, from my past experiences, know firsthand what it’s like to serve in a vampire church -- those churches can drain the life out of their ministers, leaving them depressed and bitter.  

For many of us who shepherd the flock, we occasionally suffer from bouts of feeling inadequate.  After all, we deal with some of life’s deepest concerns and who is ever fully qualified to speak on eternal matters week-in-week-out, guide people, counsel people, pastor people, and allthewhile stay fresh, relevant, engaging and dynamic?  You can’t hit a homerun every time you are up to bat and here in church there’s no off season.  Yes, the person in your pulpit occasionally wrestles with questions over their calling.  Monday mornings can be difficult as we replay Sunday over in our minds.  

Summer is a busy time for many families, with vacationing and an increase in outdoor activities, and church attendance can lag for the typical member.  Though most ministers won’t mention this, we tend to feel personally responsible when attendance dips at anytime.  No, “nickels and noses” aren’t the best signs for measuring how healthy a church is, but nobody's perfect and we in ministry grapple with the ups & downs of church life.  Stay in touch with your church staff, I promise, they are thinking of you even when you aren’t there.

I’m blessed to have a very supportive family.  A minister's entire family sacrifices for the church since they share the minister's time with everyone else’s family more so than any other individual.  Much like a “sport’s widow” who loses her husband to the couch every football season, the minister's family sees less of their loved one, especially on Sundays.  Your minister probably feilds more phone calls, makes more visits, attends more meetings, and is involved in more activities than they will mention from the pulpit.  Please remember this the next time you are tempted to rehash the old joke about how preachers “only work a half hour a week...”

So while your minister will never demand the respect they deserve or complain about the fatigue they carry (as they “grin & bear it), what I hope to encourage you to do, is to express your appreciation for your church’s leaders.  Write your ministers encouraging notes, because believe me, they hear from plenty of people who aren’t happy more often.  Share a meal with your minister, congratulate them on a well delivered message, and thank their spouse for sharing their loved one with the flock.  

If you are feeling really thankful, give your minister a giftcard to a bookstore, send them to a seminar to continue their education, send them & their spouse away for a weekend, or consider their need for a paid sabbatical.   Chances are high your minister will never ask for anything like this for fear of rejection or of seeming weak, needy, or selfish.  And keep this in mind: Ministerial burnout doesn’t just hurt the preacher and his family, it impacts the entire body. Sadly, ministers go without the refreshing they need until it’s too late.  The truth is, it’s a lot harder to pump water from a well that’s gone dry...

Finally, give your minister permission to preach on the tough topics (not just the timely ones) as in the perennial topics like lust, greed, materialism, selfishness, gossip, justice and the need to care for the downtrodden.  Don’t shackle or bind the person God has called to deliver His word; they have a fire in their bones and they need to know that when they comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable, they won’t end up being thrown in a cistern by the brethren -- a “moving” sermon shouldn’t include packing up a UHaul for its conclusion.