Tucker Carlson, welcome to our world.

 Apparently Tucker Carlson has realized what preachers have known for generations, it is risky to speak your mind. There’s a price to be paid for speaking your mind when you communicate for a living. Tucker has experienced the weight of golden chains, this is a pressure well known to ministers and their families.

I learned early on in ministry that the church elder who determines what could be questioned or what questions could be addressed, and who dictates which topics are off limits, that person was the one who was in charge.  Tucker is learning about that firsthand himself, I feel like saying to Tucker, “hold my beer…”

I wish I always had the confidence I have now, to be able to freely speak my mind. Honestly, it is intimidating to know that your livelihood is on the line if you go against the grain. But it shouldn’t be that way. 

I’m not smart enough to know the difference between censorship and power-plays or control and manipulation I don’t know what end of the spectrum Tucker is on, I do not feel his first amendment rights are being violated, or that he is not allowed to speak his mind, he’s only deplatformed at Fox.  He’s too talented to stay on the sidelines for long  

If the Internet is to be trusted, Fox News is paying him handsomely to stay home. I don’t think he is suffering greatly, although I do think he is feeling the pressure of being repressed. 

Tucker, who I’m a fan of, just has to find his outlet. To be honest, I am surprised our local newspaper prints half of the columns that I submit. Also, I love blogging because here I can speak my mind freely and people are welcome to read or not, it is after all a free country.

By the way, if Tucker is in your opinion a persona non grata, sub him from the equation and insert Don Lemon, formally of CNN.   They were coincidently fired on the same day, I like Tucker, but choose your example however you like.  The point still stands, if you communicate for a living whenever you speak your mind, you take a risk.

So Tucker is experiencing how nasty it can get when you speak out and the folks holding the purse strings balk, ministers and their families have known this for a very long time, but there’s a bigger lesson that applies to us all here.

We do not have to agree with people to respect them, it is appropriate to have differing views and to dialogue about them. The problem that Tucker Carlson and his recent experience is highlighting is that we have lost the art of dialogue in this country. We have somehow drawn the wrong conclusion, we have decided as a culture that unanimity & total agreement are necessary for conversation.  Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Why people don't take you seriously and what you can do about it

Ever feel like the Surgeon General's warning label?  Gas pumps, cigarette packages, wine bottles, all carry warning labels that receive about as much attention as the stewardess who instructs us on how to buckle our lap-belt before takeoff.  Why, you might wonder, do our claims fall on deaf ears when we are so certain of the facts?

Have you ever felt like the boy who cried wolf?  Probably not.  At least, we wouldn't willingly compare ourselves to anyone who exaggerates or makes up a story just to be heard.  The reality is, most people when they hear you complain, disagree, take an opposing stance, or voice an unpopular view, they unknowingly attribute a degree of discrimination as they listen to your claims.

In other words, you lose credibility the moment you differ with most people.
Once you say what they don't want to hear, they don't take you seriously.

Why is it that people don't take us seriously?
For starters, no one wants to think their opinion is mistaken.  We don't enjoy being wrong.  We don't like it when others point out flaws in our thinking, and when they do, we get upset and begin to protect our point of view.  And the best way to protect ourselves is to subconsciously discredit the person who disagrees with us.

Another obstacle to communicating our ideas stems from our presentation.  The louder we yell, the more they will close their ears, metaphorically speaking.  Emotional outbursts are the quickest way to turn off our audience.  We like movies that make us cry, but we get really uncomfortable when the people around us lose control of their emotions.

And why are emotions detrimental if you want to be taken seriously?  Projecting your emotions, right or wrong, seems manipulative to most people.  We feel like we are being sold something we don't want when people are overly emotional.

Another reason people hesitate to take us seriously is when we parrot unoriginal perspectives.  If you mostly quote other people or stand behind the views of a Party stance, you lose credibility.  People want to know what you think, not what a faceless crowd stands for. 

What else gets in our way? When your message contradicts your methods, people will reject you and your perspective.  If you constantly eat fast food and yet complain about a society of unhealthy people, no one will listen to you.

What can we do to gain an open minded audience?
Whenever we try to influence others, passionately, our body-language gives off signals that others interpret as manipulation.  Therefore, quit trying so hard to convince people you are right and they are wrong.  Accept the fact that as you present your ideas, the other person might not agree with your ideas, which relaxes you, and when you are relaxed, people can let their guard down.

The moment a conversation moves from a dialog to a debate, it becomes adversarial, debates require winners & losers and no one likes to lose.  The less defensive another person is, the more likely they are to consider our point of view.  Simply put, the more pressure we apply, the more they will resist us. 

If you truly want people to take you seriously and be swayed by your ideas, it comes down to this: Be consistent, be genuine, be honest, be yourself, and be willing to be proved wrong.

People do not want you to be honest with them...

People never come out and say, "Lie to me," but when you think about it, you know you've gotten in hot water over telling people what you think.  It happens more often than we'd like to admit, but calling it "like you see it" is usually controversial.

As much as we hate to be lied to, the reality is, most people can't stand it when you are honest with them.  No, I'm not talking about discussing financial transactions or answering questions surrounding your personal accountability.  I'm talking about circumstances like the advice you offer, voicing your opinion, and sharing what you really think about the person you are talking to.

Without trying to sound too cynical, people often don't want to hear truthful statements, and even more often, they aren't able to handle them.  I've seen this resistance to our honesty played out in many different settings.

Leaders "at the top" are notorious for surrounding themselves with people who shield them from negative information, this can be true anywhere, in church leadership meetings, in construction leadership forums, all the way to just sitting around with friends.  People struggle with hearing the truth.  Whether you are talking "politics" or discussing current events, not everyone wants to hear what's on your mind.

Does this mean we should just tell people what they "want" to hear?  How can we maintain our integrity and still be able to communicate with people who tend to "shoot the messenger?"
Here are some steps we can take that can help us communicate respectfully, openly, and with honesty:

Ask for permission to be honest.
That sounds a bit derogatory, but it's necessary to building healthy relationships.
You don't say, "Please give me permission..." but you certainly ask questions like, "Do you really want to know...?"

Ask more questions while offering less answers.
People like to share their views, more than they care about what you think anyway.
Asking, "Have you thought about...?" instead of just blabbing what's obvious can help facilitate more meaningful conversations too.

Ask others how they see the situation or their views on the subject, and wait for them to ask your opinion.  Sometimes, believe it or not, people not only don't want your honesty, they don't want to hear from you.

Leave room for future conversations on the subject with a phrase like, "I should give this more thought before I answer."  This not only builds a little anticipation, it also lets people know you are more thoughtful than reactive.

Ask if you need to, or if you can clarify what you mean.  Sometimes people don't question your opinions half as much as they question your intentions.  Providing deeper explanations can increase understanding, and that always helps you to get your point across.

So, the next time you think about sharing an unsolicited piece of advice or simply saying what's on your mind, slow down and remember not everyone is ready to hear you out.  Not yet.  It's better to be asked what you think, than it is to say what you think and have people overreact to the truth.