Fight for it

 

She was radiantly beautiful, and in that enchanting moment she literally was like a vision from a fairytale.  I was so honored to be officiating her marriage because she was the nearest thing to a daughter I ever had -- in fact for over 20 years I had hoped this special young woman would grow up one day to marry one of our sons.  And, when I saw her walking down the aisle as the audience stood in unison, I lost control.  

I’ve performed plenty of weddings but this was a first for me.  The preacher isn’t supposed to lose his composure and bawl like a baby at times like this.  But it was useless to fight the tears, I was so choked up I was powerless to continue.  I began to cry so hard that her mother beside me, her bridesmaid, handed me her handkerchief.  I turned my back, collected myself, and then turned back and haltingly I continued the wedding ceremony.  

Almost nothing can compare to the joy of such momentous days.  We still have their “save the date” magnet on our fridge.  Next month marks the two year anniversary of their special day.  But presently that young couple is completely separated and sadly they are preparing to get divorced.  

I’m not sure why, but around 50% of all marriages dissolve.  There are many factors and variables leading into a divorce, from career choices to our friend circles, to the input of key people in our lives.   

I heard long ago that going through a divorce is like “fighting a skunk in a phone booth.”  If divorce was categorized as a disease, it would be our greatest epidemic -- sadly, somehow we’ve normalized it.  

There's more heartache experienced through divorce than most any other monumental tragedy in life.  And if there are children, the heartaches continue -- custody issues, ball games, graduations, their marriages, arrival of grandchildren, holidays, the list goes on of where you are awkwardly in attendance with your Ex over and over again.  

And, on top of this pain which divorcees experience, there are too many judgmental churches who hypocritically stigmatize the divorced, treating those in failed marriages as if they are failures themselves.  Shame on us for making anyone feel ostracized -- talk about shooting your wounded!

As the church, we probably need to dedicate more time praying more for our families as a whole.  We are nothing if we are not Christians who nurture the family unit.  I don’t care how many needs we meet in our community, if we neglect our families our work is in vain.  

I believe that all married couples can realistically reconcile their differences and that if they want to strongly enough, they can avoid divorce and work through any struggles, but only if they want to.  I also know, if they don’t want to work out their problems, they won’t.   Marriage isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth fighting for.  It’s time for the church to stand up and fight.  

Originally printed in the Kingsport Times news 11/11/22

https://www.timesnews.net/living/features/craig-cottongim-marriage-is-worth-fighting-for/article_6674479a-4a5f-11ed-9aee-a3598401ba6f.html

 

The tale of the faithful crockpot

 

I can't complain, it's part of being a homeowner.  This month the blower motor went out on the air handler and between having it diagnosed, getting the part ordered and getting it installed we were without heat/AC for two weeks.  Mere days after that repair, just yesterday morning hours before our houseguests arrived, our garbage disposal ruptured and leaked water everywhere.  But not to be outdone, yesterday evening our hot water heater gave up the ghost, leaving our guests the joy of taking cold showers as they were the ones to discover we had no hot water.  

If only more appliances were as dependable as our old Crockpot.   The Crockpot pictured above has served us faithfully for well over 20 years.  We picked it up at the end of the last century in Springfield, MO on our way back to Jacksonville, IL after attending the Tulsa Soul Winning Workshop.  To this day we use it regularly, and if you know us well you might even recognize it.  

This old Crockpot has never let me down.  At the church in Jacksonville we had monthly potlucks, and I cooked dozens of cornedbeefs in those days.  I'd run to the fellowship-hall on Saturday night, set the Crockpot on low, and by time church was over Sunday, voila!  Here in Kingsport as well, the old Crockpot provided for many a potluck in our early days here.  And who knows how many meals we've cooked at home, or how many gallons of soupbeans we've cooked or meals shared over the years.

This old Crockpot has helped us bless others with the gift of hospitality numerous times, to many times to remember, and it has been a faithful standby for many homemade meals.  I only wish the folks who made our "slow cooker" could have made the rest of our appliances...

I know our recent inconveniences with failed appliances are nothing compared to the travails suffered from recent flooding in Southeast KY, or the pounding the folks took in FL from their recent hurricane.  And again, I'm really not complaining about these repairs, it's to be expected because nothing lasts forever.  I'm grateful for a roof over our heads, a warm bed to sleep in, plenty to eat, and that we have the resources to pay for our repairs when these things happen, God is good.

We are all in this together

I’d like to think I would do it differently if I could, but clearly you can’t go back. A friend of mine Randy uses a phrase weekly, and it helps me to have a better attitude going forward.

Regretfully, in my 20s & 30s I was more immature than I’d like to admit. Reflecting with some painful clarity, I cringe remembering how rude & arrogant I was -- I was cocky to say the least. Youth, strength, and talent can go to your head, messing with your heart. What I needed back then was a better perspective, a perspective I gained by returning to my roots in concrete and meeting Randy.

When I transitioned in my mid-40s from traditional full time pastoral work to planting a church, I entered a realm new to me by becoming bi-vocational. These last 11 years of my 28 years in ministry I have been in two worlds, so to say. I returned to the work I did before following the call to ministry, concrete construction, and the Lord has blessed our family beyond imagination as we minister and work in concrete simultaneously.

Strangely enough, I’ve learned more about people, myself, and my relationship with God serving bi-vocationally. And, I’ve met some wonderful people I never would have had I remained in traditional pastoral ministry, amazing people like Randy over at Summers and Taylor.

Randy is a dispatcher for a local concrete company, which means he and the team of dispatchers he works with deal with logistics. They schedule with contractors the delivery of the concrete, they coordinate with the batch plant, and the drivers. I talk to dispatch dozens of times weekly. Stressful isn’t a strong enough word for the job they do; their work is like a combination between being air traffic controllers and herding cats. The people they deal with and the responsibilities they carry are demanding. Yet, Randy has a perspective I’ve needed for years, and hearing him each week repeat his mantra helps me immensely.

By the way, you might not know it but the second most used commodity in the world is concrete, second only to water. As a building material, concrete is used twice as much as wood, steel, aluminum, and plastic all combined. Concrete is everywhere, in fact one could easily make an argument that our civilization itself rests on the durability of concrete. We have roads, water treatment plants, structures for industry and education, our very homes, and more, all dependent on the enduring strength of concrete.

As we try to strategize and schedule work, at least once a week Randy will say over the phone, “We are all in this together.” In other words, we are all doing the best we can, we all have challenges, we all need to be patient & understanding and let’s all do our best to cooperate -- like the old saying, “Teamwork makes the dream work.”

Most everyone we know is facing difficulties and trials. Life is hard and the more we see life as a competition, the more difficult we make matters -- this is true in our churches, homes, places of work, and our communities. Our Political system is probably the “best” example of how counterproductive competition in life is.

There’s a powerful metaphor mixed-up within the word “concrete.” Unpacking its etymology, “Con” meaning “together,” and “crescere” meaning “to grow up,” by deconstructing or taking apart the Latin combined to give us the word “concrete,” we get the captivating imagery of “growing up together.”

The Bible is filled with examples of how we grow transformationally, together. Spiritual maturity requires cooperation and mutual participation through a community. Consider Prov 27:17, “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.” Here’s a “concrete” example from Eph 4:15-16, “15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”

All too often we compete with others for status, attention, or position, and in doing so we fail miserably to reach our full potential. Life would be better all the way around if we could only learn to respect each other and cooperate more, that’s why I appreciate Randy’s phrase “We are all in this together.”

Elections/Upcoming Midterms -- Who should Christians vote for?

Every election cycle is portrayed as the most vital one to date; each new election cycle is hyped-up more than the last one. Americans are constantly being told that this is “the most important election ever in our Nation’s history.” We are cautioned, our “Liberty is at stake,” we are warned our “freedoms and way of life” are on the line -- this hyperbolic propaganda is repeated around the clock, all the while ignoring God's role in assigning positions of authority.

Yes, November 8th all 435 seats of the House of Representatives and 35 out of the 100 Senate seats are being contested, as well as our Volunteer State’s gubernatorial election. Should your church leadership tell you who to vote for? No. Should your church leaders tell you which political party to support? Never.

It is divisive to denounce any politician by name or to promote your political party from the pulpit. Ethically, your church leadership has no business telling you who you should vote for -- it is improper and perhaps even illegal for church leaders to tell you who you should vote for.

Our way of voting is rather new. The Bible was written in the historical context of monarchies and Theocratic imperialism. If you search your Bible forever you won’t find the words “Democratic elections” or “Voters rights.” Instead, we read:

“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, 2 for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.” (I Timothy 2:1-2)

“Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.” (Romans 13:1-2)

“Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, 14 or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. 15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. 16 Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. 17 Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.” (I Peter 2:13-17)

In other words, from these three passages, it is not up to us to establish the political leadership. It is our obligation to be submissive to political leaders and to pray for them, regardless of whether we agree or disagree with them.

Could your church, can your church, teach you how to vote like a Christian? Yes, they can and should. The pulpit isn't the place to shame or coerce people into voting your party’s way, instead churches should help their congregations learn how to vote like Christians.

How could Christians vote more faithfully? For starters we should pray for guidance from God, and then be willing to pray for all of our political leaders, even the ones we disagree with after they take office. As a matter of conscience, we should prayerfully consider casting our votes carefully. Secondly, I do believe our voting is based on character and principles, the person in office matters as much as their proposed policies.

As you ponder who to vote for in November, consider Jesus’ response to Pilate’s interrogation in John 18:36-37, “36 Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But my kingdom is not from the world.” 37 Then Pilate said to him, “So you are a king?” Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world—to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice.”

Our churches have an obligation to guide us to live faithfully, even in a world rife with political corruption -- we are blessed today with unimaginable freedoms that allow us to participate in our elections, this serious obligation is not to be taken lightly. Ultimately, as we vote, we must consider, our kingdom isn't of this world, “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ...” (Philippians 3:20)

Just another hater?

 

Maybe God nudged you, maybe you studied your way out, maybe you just got tired of it.  You moved past hating and judging churches you disagreed with as a child.  You realized the Kingdom was bigger than your little group.  But, have you traded your Pharisaical card in for a Sadducees card?  

The question is, who are you hating or judging these days, or have you really moved on from your roots?  Who is the target of your contempt & distain, or have you given up on trying to fix everyone else and you are ready to get to work on the real need for change, you, changing yourself?  

It's easy to think we are progressing and growing spiritually, when in reality all we have done is traded or exchanged the set of people we are critiquing.  Judging is judging, shaming is shaming, it doesn't matter if your scorn is aimed at the people outside your circle of believers or at the people who look and act just like you do.  

Harsh, critical, condemnation, dished out smugly is still ugly & unloving no matter who you're aiming it at.  Simply shedding ultra-conservative fundamentalism only to hate & condemn people stuck in their supposed ignorance isn't progress, it's procrastination  -- it's holding on to our immature feelings of superiority, the ones we tried hard to run from in the first place.  

Who you complain about the most says a lot about your state of mind.  Don't "grow up" to be just another hater.  

Embrace this simple key to happiness

 

In this picture you see cat paw prints, prints that once angered me greatly.  Tammy and I have done a few decorative concrete projects at our home, and in this case, as I applied a broomed texture to our colored concrete sidewalk, our outdoor-stray cat hopped off the porch and tramped across the wet concrete walk, forever leaving her prints -- in that moment of anger I may have said a few words I'm not proud of.  

Anger results from feeling weak/vulnerable, feeling like we have no control over the situation.  Over time, unresolved anger does more damage to us than the problem that angered us did. 

Today as I blew the early fall leaves off our walk, seeing those cat prints made me smile.  Why?  I have no idea.  But today it felt funny seeing her prints.  Seeing those silly little paw prints brought a little bit of joy to me.  I paused from blowing leaves for a moment and soaked in the healing.

Strangely, with time we can laugh at our mistakes, hurtful offences, and the past pain we've suffered.   The key to happiness isn't saying too soon we are at peace with the pain, or making light of the problem that wounded us.  That would be denial, and that is unhealthy.  

You can't rush acceptance.  But, you shouldn't deny its presence when acceptance knocks on your heart's door either.  

The key to happiness is embracing the laughter and easy feelings when they do hit us, don't fight the joy, embrace the laughter when it comes.  It's natural to be defensive and to try to hold tightly to your unique pain, as any victim would.  Embrace the acceptance in the moment, and you'll be happier.  

I don't do this enough, but I'm learning to let myself laugh at what once made me angry.  I encourage you to give it a try.  

What's expected when outsiders move in

Much has changed over the years since my dad fled the impoverished mountains of Southeast Kentucky, along with a generation of disillusioned Appalachians who crossed the Mason-Dixon searching for work. The promise of industrial jobs offering higher standards of living lured tens of thousands away to Cincinnati, Chicago, and Detroit.

More people participated in that mass-exodus than any other migration of Americans in our Nation’s history. The path north from Appalachia was dubbed “The Hillbilly Highway.” When my dad landed in the Chicagoland area he and many others were not welcomed with open arms. Slurs, altercations, and alienation left them feeling unwelcomed, to say the least.

It’s funny how life often comes full circle. Now that our region is on the radar of people who once rejected hillbillies with the same hateful vitriol as any form of racism our Nation has known, we are presently their prime destination.

Here in Tennessee, Nashville isn’t the only area being inundated, every week there are multiple families moving into the Tri Cities from California, Illinois, New York, and other such places. They are attracted to our lower-priced real estate, absence of a State income Tax, and other great incentives. My wife and I moved our four sons here nearly 20 years ago for many of the same reasons -- this is a great place to raise children.

Change is hard & intimidating, especially unsolicited change -- the problem today is, as we are being flooded with outsiders moving in, many here are worried about their politics/liberal values. Worst yet, we wearily wonder, how will their presence influence change here in our area?


Our region is known for being suspicious of outsiders, and rightly so. Read, if you haven't already, Harry Caudhill’s 1960’s, “Night comes to the Cumberlands.” The book vividly describes in painful detail how the Appalachian region has historically been depleted, taken advantage of, and plundered by outsiders.

I’m confident the influx and steady flow of people moving in will not slow down. In fact I expect what we’re experiencing to increase as word continues to get out. The new casino opening up, large tracts of land on the market, steady employment here, not to mention how beautiful the mountains are around here all lead us to ask: How should we respond to this massive arrival of new people/what’s really required of us now more than ever?

We have an opportunity to share our slower pace of life (Yes, as an expatriated northerner I can now say ours, it only took about 5 years to feel enculturated and at “home” here). We can influence these latest outsiders with some of the traditions we are known for here, like family values and strong church ties. We can and should take advantage of these opportunities to share the Good news of Jesus and help change lives -- after all these people came here to escape lifestyles and locations they didn’t like.

Our real challenge today? To practice Biblical Hospitality. We now have unprecedented opportunities to love new neighbors like never before -- here’s a helpful passage worth reflecting on for all of us, “8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 9 Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace” (I Pet 4:8-10)