When is it time to hold other people accountable to our standards?

 

Since when do we have to agree with someone fully and when do they have to live perfect lives before we can celebrate the good that is within them?  I’m not making excuses for anyone or defending the worst of the worst, I’m asking us to reflect on ourselves because somehow it is culturally appropriate to demonize accomplished or successful people over their failings and it is taboo to mention any positive contributions these people have made because of a past inappropriate behavior, attitude or action.

Thanks to the internet, nothing you say or do ever disappears and it can come back and bite you in the rear at any time, a powerful example of this would be the folks in the crosshairs of the never-ending-ever-evolving Epstein files.  Up until last month Peter Attia was revered, he influenced politicians, movie stars, and all sorts of celebrities through his popular podcast and bestselling book, now this disgraced longevity expert is banished from the airwaves after his emails with Epstein came to light, ask yourself if this is fair and accurate?

I’m concerned we’ve raised a bar we ourselves can’t live up to, which of us is qualified to throw the first stone, who among us has removed the oversized log out of our own eye, and when do our terrible mistakes invalidate the excellent contributions we have made in this life?  Does our worst day eliminate our best contributions and are you personally mature enough to distinguish between the personality quirks or the stains of someone’s mistakes from their overall beneficial good which they have brought to the table?  

Imagine holding people to the standard of 100% perfection before we can acknowledge a single good accomplishment of theirs, then ask yourself what does it say about us personally when we criticize people over their mistakes yet we refuse to praise anything correct in others simply because they are fallible -- who among us can live up to this type of scrutiny?  Why should you imagine holding yourself to the same exacting standard of perfection you hold others to, because Jesus explained in MT 7:2, “For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.”

We are so quick to hold others to a level of accountability we ourselves are unable to reach while we ignore all of the offences we ourselves are guilty of.  This type of hypocrisy, when our expectations of others exceeds a realistic view of our own inability to carry the weight we place on their shoulders, ruins relationships, fractures families, and corrodes a sense of community.

Our judgmental stereotyping is polarizing and poisoning us, perhaps we should temper our outrage, frustration, and disgust over the imperfections in others with an acknowledgment of our own limitations to attain perfection.  If we would dish out the same portion of grace we ourselves could appreciate and hope to receive, maybe we can heal our fragmented relationships. 

Psychopaths are incapable of feeling regret, remorse, guilt or shame, so unless you are a psychopath or a narcissist you can admit you have mistakes in your past you are ashamed of.  We shouldn't excuse the inexcusable when other people stubble, fail, or fall but we do need to balance our disappointment in them with an honest look in the mirror.  

Click here for the original article in the Kingsport Timesnews

Overcoming hypocrisy/smashing church-masks

 

Sadly, religion seems like a magnet for phony people -- ironically, most hypocrites are also judgmental.  I can’t stomach fake christians because Hypocrisy provides people an excuse for unbelief in a world already struggling to believe. 

Stage actors in ancient Greece (called hypocrites) wore masks when they performed; “hypocrite” literally meant “An interpreter from underneath.” Jesus took a technical term hundreds of years old and repurposed it when He coined “hypocrite” to describe “supposed” people of faith who hid their misbehavior behind the trappings of their religion. 

How do we avoid being hypocrites?  Don’t pretend to be something you aren’t and embrace vulnerability, taking into account Eccl 7:20, “Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins.” 

The clearer you can see your own imperfections the less likely you are to be blinded by self-righteousness — the less aware you are of your own shortcomings the easier it is to focus on the flaws of others.

I used to worry about what other church members thought of me, as in, if they knew I wasn’t an infallible perfect christian, then they wouldn’t want me around -- they certainly wouldn’t have me as their preacher.  When we project a fake version of ourselves just to be accepted, that mission fails miserably. 

Pretending we are perfect is a lie, namely because we aren’t.  Also, pretending keeps people away who are honest with their own fallibilities, we are effectively saying, “You won’t fit in here,” then they can’t see a place at the Table for themselves.  Furthermore, when we pretend to be perfect and our imperfections eventually ooze out, it drives people away, destroying the reputation of the church.  

Jesus clarified His mission: Reach sinners, “And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him.  And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?”  And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”  (Mk 2:15-17)

By the way, we all sin. 

When James wrote, “Confess your sins” it wasn’t as if church members could erase each other's sins -- James wasn’t suggesting we would be forgiven by God by confessing to another human.  “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” (James 5:16)  James was encouraging us to take off our “church mask” and to be vulnerable, to basically “keep it real.”  

In other words, relationships are strengthened and people live better lives when they accept mutual accountability and share their struggles instead of hiding them.  No one is perfect, yet for some reason too many christians attempt to project a vision of perfection, much to the detriment of the Body.

I’m not suggesting that we make excuses, forfeit our integrity, cast off all restraint, give up trying our best to live up to our Biblical standards, or that we cease pursuing spiritual maturity & God’s transformation.  I am saying, we don’t have the ability to be 100% flawless in this lifetime, it’s healthier to come to grips with our struggle and simply be honest about it than it is to hide behind a mask -- we need to be comfortable in our own skin and smash our church masks.  

Originally published 5/27/23 in the Kingsport Times News:

https://www.timesnews.net/living/features/craig-cottongim-pretending-we-are-perfect-is-a-lie/article_f72ded64-e513-11ed-b2a6-07fd0a51e9a7.html

Dear Leftists, Quit pretending to care

For all the people who are in a perpetual uproar over the American injustices and inequalities they rage against, please, funnel your energies with a bit more consistency.   You voices are loud, but your actions...?

Studies that research generosity show by region and voting patterns that people who are the most generous people populate certain areas known for, you guessed it, being conservative.  There is no law against opening up your own wallet and addressing areas you are concerned about, that would speak a lot louder than the hate speech that floods the media these days.

You want to open to the borders of our nations and you want sanctuary cities to continue, how about leaving your car unlocked or your home?  Sounds insane, I know.  You do have borders you recognize and expect others to respect, so please stop pretending like your entire world is open and free.  You have lines drawn, they may not be the same as others, but you have them.  

You think contemporary protesters who loot, burn, and vandalize major cities are on the side of truth and justice and that the vast minority of bad police officers represent the majority of police forces, which justifies the behavior of the protesters.  All the while innocent business owners watch their hard work destroyed and demolished by people who apparently are unemployed, after all who has this much free time on their hands to "protest"?  Every economist will tell you, the driving force behind the American economy is small business.  The people who are suffering the brunt end of these "protests" are small businesses who have their storefronts smashed, and their merchandise stolen.  I'm not sure how cheering this on displays care and concern for society.  

If you really care about making a change, do the hard work of building something up, rather than tearing down the structure that enables you to even have the rights and privileges to complain.  Go serve in a soup kitchen instead of vandalizing restaurants or watching/approving of others who vandalize them.  Tutor minorities who need mentors and structure in their lives, instead of endorsing brutality against the police, who by the way have sacrificed a lot to keep rough neighborhoods as as safe as they can.  Help find ways to eliminate illiteracy instead of grinning while people willingly let the libraries burn.  

As it is now, all of your negativity, gratuitous rioting, empty rhetoric and petty diatribes merely show the rest of us how little you really care about improving the world.  Change our minds and show us you really do care.  

What should we make of Christianity Today Magazine Calling for Trump's removal?

This morning I unfollowed the Twitter account of Christianity Today. 
The reason?  Their piece on removing Trump was nothing less than hypocritical on their part: https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2019/december-web-only/trump-should-be-removed-from-office.html

Why do I think CT magazine is hypocritical and a bit insincere in their proposition that Trump needs to step down?  Even if they are right about Trump's presidency being compromised, the magazine has reached a new, low level of hypocrisy. 

Time and again the CT piece points to the moral problems they see with Trump.  Why are they suddenly the moral police for politicians, and why have they remained silent in regards to so many other politicians, especially the previous administration? 

I cannot recall the magazine ever recommending the Obama administration remove themselves.  For example:  #1, Joe Biden under the Obama administration certainly went further than Trump ever did with the Ukrainians in Biden's threats to withhold American dollars unless Biden got his way:  https://www.wsj.com/video/opinion-joe-biden-forced-ukraine-to-fire-prosecutor-for-aid-money/C1C51BB8-3988-4070-869F-CAD3CA0E81D8.html

 #2, Have we ever had a more pro-LGBT, pro-Abortion, pro-Planned Parenthood president than Obama?  If Trump's character/morals disqualifies him from office, what about the stances Obama took? 

I do not like a lot of what Trump's past holds.  Yet, since taking office, he has done quite a bit for Christianity and people of faith.  I cannot say how sincere he is in his faith or what his position with God is, that's not for me to judge.  I also do not feel I need to defend Trump.  That's not what this is about.  This is about a "Christian" magazine that is not about politics but is supposedly about faith, misspeaking in complete error (Technically Trump is not impeached until the House delivers the articles of impeachment to the Senate, which they so far have not delivered) and hypocrisy. 

CT magazine has the right to whatever stance they think is correct, but for me, I think they have lost their way.  My guess is they are attempting to be hip and relevant, and perhaps reach a new audience to boost their sales?  I'm no longer interested in their perspectives, and I'd say they will lose more of whatever influence they had due to this blunder of theirs. 

Demystifying the myth of the perfect family

We love them, we brag on them, we get frustrated and embarrassed by them, we go to bat for them and we go a little batty because of them. Families, we are all a part of one, even the ones that are coming apart.

Do you really know of anyone with a perfect family? You probably know a few people who try to portray the “picture perfect family” in public -- I can only guess how exhausting carrying on that charade is.

I like to joke that our family-tree is a stump. My great-grandfather was illegitimate, which back then was quite a scandal, but he kept his mother’s maiden name so really I don't know what our last name should be. Over the years we’ve lost relatives to AIDS and others to pills -- I could go on, but the dysfunction certainly didn’t end with my great-grandfather's upbringing. It’s funny how every family has the punk with a chip on their shoulder, a crazy uncle or the loony aunt or the cantankerous grandparent, though no one ever sees themselves personally as the weak-link. Even still, we typically have a difficult time admitting our family’s imperfections to others.

So much of our identity is wrapped up in our family of origin, maybe that’s why we struggle with being more transparent about the skeletons in our closet. I’m at peace with being part of an imperfect family and I hope to help you, here, come to grips with your family as well.

What’s wrong with masking our problems anyhow? Shouldn’t we portray strength and vitality? Isn’t that how we find love and acceptance from others? The only problem here is, being hypocritical is not how we receive those traits, and, if we are selling a lie we will always doubt the authenticity/integrity of the relationships we have others who we’ve been misleading about ourselves. Talk about a vicious cycle.

Besides, imagine you are an unchurched person or maybe you have been out of church for a while and you are getting back into the swing of things, either way, imagine you begin to participate with a church where everyone seems just so perfect. How well do you feel like you fit in at that point? The same could be said of the pastor. If your church leadership pretends they have a perfect family, how will those in the church (in the real world) ever be able to relate to you?

Also, imagine the embarrassment when your “perfect” family does something that goes public. In our age of social media, pretty much everything is eventually public. By the way parents, I highly encourage you to keep abreast of your children’s social media posts. There are plenty of things your kids post on Twitter and Facebook that need your attention ASAP.

At this point, the temptation is to cocoon yourself and cut off contact with the outside world. That’s fine, except you’ve just cut yourself off from your source of help. Yes God is the ultimate help and His Spirit is our ultimate comfort, but how do you think He most often ministers to us? It’s usually through others.

There are plenty of Biblical passages about how we should treat each other and interact within our families. Still, there is not a single example that I can find in the Bible of a perfect family. That’s not an excuse for any of us to mess up, it’s simply the truth that families are made up of imperfect people and we all could benefit from a little extra grace. Having high standards about family is good, but don’t confuse having standards with our ability to live them out perfectly.

To keep your sanity and be spiritually healthy, maybe consider admitting to your family’s inconsistencies. Reach out to others and ask for help. Somewhere between arrested development, teen-rebellion, mental health issues, addictions, infidelities, and criminal activity, we all share more in common than we let on.

I want to encourage you if you feel like your family is in a mess or is a mess: You are not alone, no one has a perfect family! You’re not alone, so please don’t alienate yourself either -- ask for prayers, advice, counsel, accountability, or whatever else might help. Please, please, please do not feel embarrassed by your situation and don’t allow any embarrassment to immobilize you or separate you from your friends, those fears come from satan and not from God.

The Constitution, Kavanaugh, and Christian Hypocrisy

At one time, we as a country could rally together around a common good. Think of WWII and the Victory Gardens, the willingness to sacrifice, and the way we were able to prioritize our resources. Why was this possible? The energy and the will for achieving a common good slowly coalesced by acknowledging a common threat, identifying a true source of evil, by agreeing on what the real problem was.

This isn’t to say we’ve always had a stellar track record. Slavery, which was allowable constitutionally, was hotly contested; it was partially the reason for our Civil War. The Constitution isn’t perfect, it’s a guide, it’s important, but being written by fallible men, it will never be the end-all resolution.

Our great nation has had dark periods of wiping out Native Americans and banishing their tribes to the reservation long after they were no longer a threat or of placing Japanese Americans in internment camps, and then again, we are known for doing incredible good for all of humanity in other periods. We are a mixed bag of embarrassments and achievements.

We are living in the best country on this planet, and we have so much to offer the world, if only we could agree on what is good & true. But, therein lies the rub.

It’s hard to settle in on a common good if we disagree about or ignore the real threat. And, you can see where this discrepancy has gotten us as a nation. While it’s nothing new for us, we are so polarized, we can’t replace a Supreme Court Justice without politicizing the entire process. We can’t gain any traction on the Russian interaction in an election that should be far removed from the news-cycle, and we have lost the ability to be bipartisan on nearly every front.

We as a nation have lost our ability to be objective. Why? In part, everything is “left” or “right,” it’s “liberal” or “conservative,” and “We the People” are at odds with the very people we eat dinner with.

Perhaps there’s a solution to our strife. A simple answer to the anger, hatred, and division. I’d like to say Christianity is, but how can I when we have dozens of denominational roadblocks that have segregated even us as the Body of Christ. Have we who confidently sit in our pews and piously observe the Lord’s day, have we really set the example for world peace and cooperation..., or love?

As long as we practically hate other churches while we hide behind our traditions and hang names over the doors of our structures that identify our theological/doctrinal correctness, we are no better than the politicians we criticize & their circus in D.C. I believe in the autonomy of each congregation to follow the Scriptures wherever they think God is leading them, but I don’t believe any of us has the right to feel superior or to condemn one branch or the other.

If we can’t love other folks who do call on the name of the Lord but meet in a different sanctuary, we will never love those who vote differently or speak another language or have a different color skin or sing to the tune of a different anthem.

Until our separate and individual congregations embrace our universal unity in Christ, and until we stop labeling other churches, and until we stop judging other believers, we have nothing to offer to this world except our hypocrisy. May God have mercy on our souls and may we take seriously Jesus’ words which He delivered to a very diverse group, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (JN 13:34-35)

An open letter to people who hide their hatred behind the name of Jesus

I’m writing an “open letter” here, to you within a certain slice of the Christian population.  Dear rule-keepers, sticklers, and those who freely point out the perceived faults in the rest of us, please stop.  

Please stop spewing hatred and strife in the name of Jesus.  

Whether you know it or not, you are doing more harm than good.  Your legalistic attitudes and your judgmental behaviors, which you probably think are championing the Truth, are not serving God faithfully.  The reality is, you’ve joined those who “bind loads you can’t carry and you close the doors to those who would enter the kingdom.”  

My question to you is, when was the last time you changed your opinion on anything?  If you haven’t, then you aren’t growing or maturing.  If you have, then how do you deal with the fallout of your disagreements with those you challenged in the past, but now you see “it” differently?

Part of the damage you inflict is from your hateful/bombastic language and your use of vitriolic phrases, and too many people begin to think all believers have your attitude.  Then they are driven even further from the Kingdom, becoming doubly lost and this chastising approach of your is the polar-opposite of the Great Commission.  You are responsible for creating more atheists than Darwin.  

You see, instead of attracting people to Jesus, your legalism repels everyone else, making it nearly impossible for the other Christians to reach the people you’ve wounded along the way.  In case you didn’t know, judging people or shaming them embitters them -- it doesn’t endear them to you.  

Secluding or cocooning ourselves from the world, and then hammering everyone else who disagrees with our theological perspectives, ruins any influence we could’ve had for the Kingdom.  Not to mention, this is terrible PR for Jesus.  

We don’t have a Biblical precedent to be mean-spirited or hateful.  So, you set yourself apart from the world and judge it.  You may even love to quote John 3:16, but you’ve obviously overlooked John 3:17, “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”  Enough with the condemnation.  

Sadly, most everything which judgmental and legalistic Christians argue and debate over fall under “gray” areas.  From meeting times to the color of the carpet to the name over the door, to consuming alcohol and politics, from women’s roles to which translation of Bible is authorized, to the “style” of worship.  Ugh.  Why isn’t Jesus enough for you?

I’ve seen this damage firsthand, having been on the receiving end of condemnation drummed up by Christian witch hunts, and I’ve watched as friends wither, and I’ve cringed as loved ones suffer from the hands of Bible-carrying hatemongers.  I’ve seen the sincere and the seeker driven away, and it’s hard to swallow.  

When you label others as liberal or you think your theology is superior to everyone else’s, you’ve not said anything about others, you’ve only revealed more about yourself.   Your “stance” says more about yourself than it does others.  The end results of your animosity towards everyone who disagrees with your narrow perspectives are simply devastating.  People outside the faith avoid “church” and those within the fold are driven away by your actions.  And as people trickle away from the church, they lump all Christians into the same camp: Hateful, judgmental ogres.  This must end, quickly.

There’s no harm in holding different opinions on many doctrines, but how we articulate our differences and how we view/treat others makes all the difference in the world.  Remember, Jesus said all men would know we were His disciples by our love for one another, He didn’t say people would know we were His by being correct about everything or by our doctrinal accurateness...    

My guess is, if you prefer to judge or shame others, you probably suffer from some deep-seated insecurities.  People hide behind self-righteousness because it quiets their fears that they haven’t quite measured up or they aren’t good enough.  

Let me close this open letter with this thought: The very people who instigated the death of Jesus were religious to the core.  They believed they were in the right, but they were dead wrong.