How can we help without hurting?

Daily, we observe listless transients, hoisting scraps of cardboard emblazoned with slogans like, “Anything will help -- God bless!” Kingsport’s ubiquitous homeless community migrates well beyond our downtown, so it’s not hard to bump into them, you’d have to purposely avoid them if anything. Considering that the homeless network regionally, have we attracted even more here because of our reputation?

What should you do about the plight of these poverty-stricken people and how responsible are you for their well being? Has our generosity proved ineffective at improving their plight? Moreover, can our efforts to help vagrants actually hinder their development?

What happens when we ignore the principle of Give a man a fish, feed him for a day? Similar to how rocking horses experience movement without ever going anywhere, have we unintentionally swapped progress for motion?

Such questions might sound counterintuitive, if not sacrilegious. Responding could prove more complicated than you think, considering how rapidly this dilemma is metastasizing.

Jesus’ response to this predicament didn’t promote laziness or inactivity (anymore than His sacrificial death promotes sin). He helped people and moved on. Jesus certainly wasn’t callous but He wasn’t fixated on poverty, nor was He ever hoodwinked. For example, when a certain crowd tracked Jesus down all the way from Galilee to Capernaum, He confronted their improper motivations, “Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you are seeking me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate your fill of the loaves.” (JN 6:26 ESV)

Sadly, swindlers fleece the hospitable without intending to improve, and opportunists will repeatedly take advantage of anyone’s generosity. If getting conned is the extent of our involvement with the homeless, are we guilty of “enabling” them through poor stewardship?

Am I saying we shouldn’t help out? Not at all. Read Matthew 25:31-46, it offers a vibrant reminder of the value Jesus places on having benevolent hearts. In this parable, Jesus separates the sheep from the goats based on their responses to real needs. One set of people inherits God’s eternal Kingdom, the other set is exiled into eternal fire.

The damned in this parable aren’t punished for hurting people, instead, a careful reading reveals Hell is the consequence of their apathy. Notice, those rewarded with eternal life didn’t “earn” their salvation by doing good works.

They all appeared clueless as Jesus described their activities, their consistent response to feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, etc. was, “When, when when... when did we/didn’t we do this?” Were they contradicting Jesus, did they have amnesia, or was there something so seamless about helping others/neglecting others that it was simply “second nature” for them?

How do we know if our motives to help are “second nature” --or are we merely trying to alleviate guilty feelings from living a more privileged life? Analyze how much distance we purposely keep between our lives and theirs the rest of the week. It takes authentic personal, in depth connections and purposeful interactions with the folks we are trying to help to transcend just “feeling good about ourselves.”

It comes down to rejecting compartmentalization, restoring their dignity, and focusing on equipping them. You see, it’s one thing to maintain a sterile distance from those who are less fortunate while helping them at arm’s length. It’s quite another to learn their names, to know their stories, while teaching them to read, get their GED, to write a resume, find a job, get sober, or to meet Jesus...

Remember, Jesus healed people, fed people, raised people from the dead, cast out their demons, and more, as proof of His divinity -- once people believe in Who He is, they can believe in Him. Ultimately, He focused on rescuing people from the darkness and bringing them into the light, i.e., incarnationally transforming lives.

It’s tough balancing good intentions with common sense, but whatever we do, let’s avoid perpetuating helplessness. Supporting people without nurturing a culture of handouts/panhandling honors the Mission Jesus established.

What now? Whenever it comes to helping anyone out, ask: What’s the difference between touching someone’s life (feels good) and personally transforming them (does good), how do we overcome apathy, make lasting changes, and collaborate with folks who know what they are doing?

Thankfully, Kingsport has a cornucopia of well organized food-pantries, clothing-closets, and soup-kitchens. Having volunteered with a few of these organizations, I’ll attest to their place in our community -- the consistent work of the Salvation Army, the kitchen of Hope, Shades of Grace, Second Harvest food bank, and Broad Street Methodist is impressive. They aren’t alone, but they are very capable, going the extra mile in serving “the least of these.” I appreciate the hard work they’re doing and I encourage you to consider helping them financially, or by rolling up your sleeves alongside them as well.

If you’re feel led to do more, don’t reinvent the wheel, partner with those who are already hard at work. I’m not advocating abdicating your personal responsibility -- instead, amplify your effectiveness by joining with the people who are already active on the scene!

Why people don't take you seriously and what you can do about it

Ever feel like the Surgeon General's warning label?  Gas pumps, cigarette packages, wine bottles, all carry warning labels that receive about as much attention as the stewardess who instructs us on how to buckle our lap-belt before takeoff.  Why, you might wonder, do our claims fall on deaf ears when we are so certain of the facts?

Have you ever felt like the boy who cried wolf?  Probably not.  At least, we wouldn't willingly compare ourselves to anyone who exaggerates or makes up a story just to be heard.  The reality is, most people when they hear you complain, disagree, take an opposing stance, or voice an unpopular view, they unknowingly attribute a degree of discrimination as they listen to your claims.

In other words, you lose credibility the moment you differ with most people.
Once you say what they don't want to hear, they don't take you seriously.

Why is it that people don't take us seriously?
For starters, no one wants to think their opinion is mistaken.  We don't enjoy being wrong.  We don't like it when others point out flaws in our thinking, and when they do, we get upset and begin to protect our point of view.  And the best way to protect ourselves is to subconsciously discredit the person who disagrees with us.

Another obstacle to communicating our ideas stems from our presentation.  The louder we yell, the more they will close their ears, metaphorically speaking.  Emotional outbursts are the quickest way to turn off our audience.  We like movies that make us cry, but we get really uncomfortable when the people around us lose control of their emotions.

And why are emotions detrimental if you want to be taken seriously?  Projecting your emotions, right or wrong, seems manipulative to most people.  We feel like we are being sold something we don't want when people are overly emotional.

Another reason people hesitate to take us seriously is when we parrot unoriginal perspectives.  If you mostly quote other people or stand behind the views of a Party stance, you lose credibility.  People want to know what you think, not what a faceless crowd stands for. 

What else gets in our way? When your message contradicts your methods, people will reject you and your perspective.  If you constantly eat fast food and yet complain about a society of unhealthy people, no one will listen to you.

What can we do to gain an open minded audience?
Whenever we try to influence others, passionately, our body-language gives off signals that others interpret as manipulation.  Therefore, quit trying so hard to convince people you are right and they are wrong.  Accept the fact that as you present your ideas, the other person might not agree with your ideas, which relaxes you, and when you are relaxed, people can let their guard down.

The moment a conversation moves from a dialog to a debate, it becomes adversarial, debates require winners & losers and no one likes to lose.  The less defensive another person is, the more likely they are to consider our point of view.  Simply put, the more pressure we apply, the more they will resist us. 

If you truly want people to take you seriously and be swayed by your ideas, it comes down to this: Be consistent, be genuine, be honest, be yourself, and be willing to be proved wrong.