What do you look for in a church and what are churches "selling"?

There’s an adage from a former generation that I can remember my old fuddy-duddy Bible professors quoting often, it went something like this, “What you win people with, is what you win them to.” Their point was, if you entice people to come to church, for example by inviting teenagers to “church” pizza parties and ski trips, you’ve won them over to those events -- but that is all. Their lives aren’t any different, they aren’t any different as a result of those events.

My question to you is, if you are church shopping, what do you look for, or, if you are trying to bring people to church, what reasons do you offer them? In other words, what role do preferences, comfort-zones, and tastes play in these decisions for you?

Most likely if you are attending worship services somewhere regularly, you feel pretty comfortable there and the church you participate with suits your tastes. It probably attracts people much like you, there’s not a lot of diversity, I’m guessing. I’ll take another stab in the dark and guess the church doesn’t stretch you too far, challenge you too much, nor does it expect too much from you. Does that sound like an opportunity for you to take up your cross, die to yourself, and give everything up and follow Jesus or does it seem like we’re missing the point of it all?

Churches today seem to focus more attention and energy on attracting people with inflatable castles and concerts while grasping at ways to retain the temporarily gathered crowds, than on helping people experience transformation. It seems like we’re catering to the shallow consumerism, the type that offers a major production on Sunday mornings but leaves people unchanged on Monday mornings.

It’s kind of like a refurbished college campus with big shiny new dorms, a Chick Fillet in their food court, and well manicured lawns -- but with a poor curriculum and sleazy professors. Would you really want to send your kids there...?

On the other hand, the church in the Book of Acts was focused on devotion, commitment, community, and changed lives through submission to the Holy Spirit and depending on the Scriptures. The church in the Bible way back then freely used terms like sin, repentance, and she had the audacity to tell people to “Be born again.” The church then wasn’t worried about offending sensitive people nor was she interested in wowing people with an on stage performance or helping a crowd feel “moved, stirred, or fed.” Nor did she employee mood-lighting and emotional music from the worship/praise team during the collection...

Before I’m misunderstood, let’s not confuse our mission with our methods here. Our mandate according to Jesus (Matt 28:18-20) is to develop followers of Jesus, “18 And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” The way we disciple people Jesus was fairly silent on. So I do not have a problem with being creative in how we reach & teach people.

But let’s face it, in reality, we’ve followed the marketing pattern of Starbucks, big business CEOs, and major advertisers more than we have embraced the simplicity of discipleship. Discipleship isn’t sexy or flashy, so it doesn’t really seem like it will work. Have we really changed, has human nature really changed in the last 2000 years or what’s going on? Sadly, we’ve given into the idolatrousness of celebrating our own accomplishments while neglecting the “great” commission.

Again, before I’m misunderstood, we don’t have to forfeit an invigorating worship service for transformation -- this isn’t an either/or issue as in you are either relevant and lively or you are truly a follower of Jesus. That’s not my point at all. Yet, church leaders who cave to the pressure to “perform” and dazzle the masses never experience true peace. They are constantly worried a more attractive, interesting, hipper congregation will steal their flock. Here’s a little secret, a more exciting church is always on the horizon, just waiting to launch.

Where’s the fruit though? I’m all for being excited about church and for having enthusiasm in all we do, but I’d prefer to see it paired with sustainability.

There’s a difference that’s seemingly lost on many church-goers, and this is my point: There’s a difference between an experience and an encounter. Too many churches are “selling” an “experience” these days and the sheep are missing an encounter or mistaking that experience as an encounter with the living God of the Bible. I know our churches are well-intentioned and do so without malicious intent, yet we are perpetuating a malnutritioned, self-centered church-culture that does what feels good but misses out on what’s actually best.

Do we really practice what we preach?

Recently I had a conversation with someone who was recently divorced. Their marriage was in rough shape for many years, and regrettably, there were many mistakes made by both spouses. The person I spoke with said, “You probably think I’m a horrible person. I know what people are saying about me.” I assured them even though I had heard the stories going round, I didn’t think they were a bad person.

I shared that after all of my many years of being in ministry and after thousands of hours of counseling people, I know that in those situations no one is fully to blame and no one is fully innocent. I responded that I have the ability to withhold judgment and that I can form my own opinions. I referenced the woman caught in adultery in John chapter 8 and pointed out the way Jesus handled that situation.

The whole conversation got me thinking. Are we truly like Jesus or do we lean towards being more like the Pharisees, who we can’t stand? After reflecting on that long conversation, I wondered: How well do our churches welcome spiritually wounded people? Would we accept the woman the crowd wanted to stone, or would we have judged her? How do we view and respond to people who blatantly sin?

Could your church really embrace someone with a tainted reputation? What about you, personally, could you? How do you view people who stumble and fall? Do you look down on them harshly, feel superior to them, or simply shake your head in disgust? Or, can you truly love on them the way they need to be loved?

It’s easy to deceive yourself, assuming to yourself that you offer grace as much as you believe in grace. And it’s easy to say you are non-judgmental. It’s another story to practice all of that. Almost everyone thinks they are more grace-centered than they are. So, how can you tell if you really are a person who extends more grace than criticism?

For starters, grace oriented people do not see the world in terms of “Us and them.” It’s all “Us.” We are all basically the same, despite our many differences. The moment you begin the separate yourself mentally from the riffraff and the more you see the faults in others, the less grace is truly reigning in your heart. Have you ever asked yourself, how was Jesus mistaken for a drunkard and glutton and are people ever confused about you because of the people you associate with? Jesus never loved from a distance, why do we think we can?

Also, people who have more grace than others do not feel the need to correct other people. If your first thought when you see someone struggling is to think through what advice you could offer, you probably are unintentionally judging them. People need acceptance more often than they need advice. Is there a place for advice and correction? Sure. But your advice is not a starting point when others are down. A listening ear, a warm hug, and friendly smile can often do more than all of the “right answers” we might offer.

In the story of the prodigal son, do you know what the real difference was between the father and the older brother? The older brother was more interested in comparing while the dad was deeply interested in connecting. The telltale sign of the judgmental person who thinks they are grace-centered is how often they compare others to themselves and them feel better about themselves afterwards.

I feel a bit jaded by most church-goers. We can quote the Bible, have a ready answer, and basically be know it alls -- while doing very little. And when it comes to being able to help people who have been drug down by sin, we keep our hands as clean as we keep our distance. In other words, we know all about how Jesus ministered, in our head, but our hearts are hard. I wonder what would happen if we let Jesus swing the gavel or wear the judge’s robe for awhile and we just picked up the servant’s towel for now?