I didn’t sulk under my own broom tree until my late-30’s, the idea of taking my own life hadn’t ever occurred to me before then -- life gets hard when some of the people you minister to work against you. It wasn’t that I was ignorant regarding the topic, when I was in the 5th grade a neighbor-dad left his car running in the garage with the door closed, a casualty of a painful divorce.
I think suicide is like the Covid-19, in that we are tired of hearing about both; we’ve become callous and numb to the topics. I felt led to address suicide here, earlier this month, the day I heard about the news of Darrin Patrick's suicide -- I cried and spent the rest of that day in a funk, emotionally drained. Even though we are victors in Christ and God will ultimately win the war, we don’t win every battle. Darrin is another tragic example of pastors who end their own life.
There are countless celebrities who have done so too, and don’t forget our military veterans either. We have numerous suicide attempts daily -- the next time you scour the obits, read between the lines, you’ll see local people who succeed as well. By the way, the patriarch of Kingsport George Eastman himself ended his own life.
And while it’s not healthy to obsess over suicide, it’s not healthy to ignore it either. Worst of all, churches are mostly silent on the topic -- when was the last time your church offered a sermon or seminar about it? It’s sad that shows on Netflix like “13 Reasons” or “After Life” can be more open about a disturbing subject than we are.
Suicide might seem strange to you, it’s counter-intuitive to most people, I think about doing it myself from time to time. At times life can feel pointless, the pressure to succeed in ministry is always there, and sadness and despair can descend like a stormcloud -- but there are a thousand tentacles and webs that keep me from the brink of oblivion. I think about how it would affect my wife, children and grandchildren, and the handful of reasons I have for ending this life seem different then.
People who think about killing themselves aren’t being morbid or romanticizing the great beyond, they simply find it hard to go on living, whether it is pain, pressure, feelings of failure, regrets, chemical imbalances, debt, or conflict. My mom was rather melancholy, and we have a loved one who battles depression, so perhaps the darkness I periodically struggle with is genetic. No matter what the reasons may be, if suicide is foreign to you, you probably don’t understand the shame and guilt people who consider suicide carry with them either.
When it comes to finding help in our region, it is a hell-hole for people who struggle with opioid addiction, meth, or mental health. For all that is good here, we have pitiful resources in our region for people who are overwhelmed and stressed out. You’ll wait several months for an evaluation or to get in to see a qualified professional here. That needs to change!
Nationwide suicide rates have been rising dramatically for years now, and with the massive unemployment our country is presently experiencing decimating our economy, experts tell us we can expect a spike in suicide. Maybe you’ll never understand something that seems so irrational, but hopefully you’ll be empathetic and thoughtful, considerate of those who do struggle with this. I believe Jesus would want us to restrict our judgment and release a little more grace when it comes to a taboo topic, because really, people who think about killing themselves need a safe place and safe people to talk to.
