What’s the difference between burning ships or burning bridges? Understanding the difference not only is a sign of maturity, it defines the health of your relationships.
In A.D. 1519, Cortez was concerned his crew could find the New World too difficult, possibly becoming so overwhelmed they might mutiny. So upon landing he burned 10 of his 11 ships, saving one to send gold back to the monarchy — a shrewd sign of dedication and commitment. Further back, the ancient Roman armies were the first ones to burn bridges in combat — cutting off their enemies, preventing their past problems from pestering their future.
These days, metaphorically, burning our ships is about destroying whatever prevents us from progressing. Burning our bridges is about distancing ourselves from whoever threatens us with regressing. When it comes to conflict, which one is best?
Regardless if you are arguing for a raise at work or embroiled in a custody battle with your ex, it is as difficult for the “other side” to see your side as it is for you to see theirs. Perhaps this is why arguing our sides is ineffective. We think that logic and reason will prevail, but many disagreements are emotionally charged, and the truth rarely matters in an argument. Too often we value being right more than we do the relationship.
Honestly, who is unbiased and able to see both sides of any argument? For example, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” (Proverbs 18:2)
When it becomes too heated, our temper gets the best of us. In the heat of the moment we immaturely say things in anger, burning our bridges. “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” (Proverbs 15:18)
Often it’s better to control our tongue instead. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) So know when to take a break from talking. “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14)
When we are entangled in a heated argument, sometimes it’s best to not argue but to patiently trust that the consequences will prove our side is correct. Arguing in a healthy way requires that we listen as much or more so than we speak. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” (Proverbs 12:15)
Therefore, self-control is our most effective, productive and powerful tool when it comes to having a healthy argument. “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)
Too often we are afraid to let go of what’s personally holding us back and we hesitate to make healthy changes and burn our ships. Instead we are too quick to burn bridges with people we might need to reconnect with in the future. Next time you find yourself in a disagreement, keep this in mind: “Scoffers set a city aflame, but the wise turn away wrath. If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.” (Proverbs 29:8-9)
Click here: Published first in the Timesnew 3/3/23
