The grip of grief how will our loss NOT have the last word?

If you have ever known the thrill of being carried on silver wings & “flying the friendly skies,” you might be interested in knowing flight became possible after someone playing ice-hockey had his face smashed in leaving his teeth looking like a broken bottle when his face replaced the goal; it was the worst day of his life and he locked himself away for three years out of embarrassment.  Sulking, and feeling sorry for himself he moped around his self-imposed prison and to kill the time he spent his days reading in his dad’s library -- low and behold he read a lot about birds, he came out of that unbearable tragic experience with a greater insight, and Mr. Wright and his brother brought us the gift of flight.  

Similarly, Isaac Newton was isolated in his room for months on end during the great plague of his day and it was during that time of quarantine that he experienced several epiphanies, he invented his prism for studying light, and he formulated many of his greatest ideas in math & physics.  The world was gripped by death and it was a dark time, and Newton’s achievements changed the world as we know it for the better during the worst of times.  

You are more than likely familiar with the youngest brother who was sold into slavery by his older brothers, the jealous brothers who were envious of him who planned his demise.  Joseph, as you remember, was the slave who was eventually elevated in status as second only to the Pharaoh and when the time came that he was reunited with his cruel brothers who plotted against him he said in Gen 50:20, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” 

Right now you might be dealing with the deviation of a divorce, the loss of being laid off, or worse, you are missing a loved one who passed away and you are asking if any good can come from our tragedies?  Maintaining a positive perspective when you are simply trying to persevere seems pointless but consider what Paul wrote in 2 Cor 1:3-4, “3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

Mosaics and the Japanese art of kintsugi take shattered pieces of pottery or ceramics and fashion masterpieces by mending them and creating works of beauty from what was once broken; just like how a broken bone is stronger where it is mended, the once worthless pieces are now more valuable than before.  In the midst of loss or during our difficulties it’s impossible to believe we will find fulfillment or see the potential our future holds, all hope seems elusive, but.

But somehow the unfathomable becomes the greatest act of kindness and delivery, like the conclusion to Steinbeck's “Mice & Men" when George saves Lennie from Curley's certain torture and cruelty by taking Lennie’s life himself.  May we learn to build a set of wings while we are in freefall and soar high above the problems we have faced and grow from our mistakes and problems, and maybe comfort someone who is facing what we have overcome, by the grace of God.  

PS: "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

    and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Originally published in the Kingsport Timesnews on 11/7/25 https://www.timesnews.net/living/faith/when-good-comes-from-the-worst-of-times/article_3ec340e0-66c2-4b51-ab7f-5dffc982f41e.html

You might be interested in this post as well:

How do we help people who are grieving

Why we’re unhappy & how to cure it

 

You probably think I’ll attribute our unhappiness to our fear of missing out, but it’s beyond FOMO and beyond our biases on what is and isn’t fair.  We carry sorrows over seeing the successes of others, it’s almost as if we are addicted to other people’s dopamine.  More than likely you’re unhappy if you compare your empty bucket to someone else’s.  You only have room for one or the other, you’ll either carry jealousy in your bucket or joy, but not both.  

Most people naturally long for an easier life, but in the absence of earning a good sense of accomplishment we feel empty inside, and then we feel bitterness towards the people we assume are holding us back.  Carrying other people’s rocks feels like a burden compared to carrying the same load to build your dreams into reality, that’s plain commonsense.   What we overlook is this, happiness is an only at best a byproduct of satisfaction.  

The more we worry about anyone else's life or how easy they have it, the more focused we are other people, the less headspace we have for ourselves.  Hard work is therapeutic and beyond the benefits of physical labor, working on yourself is the hardest.  

Don’t confuse unhappiness with depression.  Depression isn’t just the absence of happiness, there’s a darkness lurking in the void, it’s not an empty emotion, the depression is a tangible sensation of an unbearable weight that suffocates you.  Unhappiness is even worse than sadness and depression, unhappiness is despair over the inability to experience the simple joys of this life.  

There is no finish line in this journey we call life, we’re born, and one day we die, but will you truly live your life during the in-between of the inevitable?  The biggest lie we tell ourselves is, “one day” as in one day the kids will be grown, the bills will be caught up, the dream will manifest itself or magically materialize “one day.”  We act like life is about sitting in a cosmic train depot holding out hope the right train will stop and let us on board, all the while we ignore the ticket booth.  We neglect to read the schedule.  The universe passes us by…

We forfeit today by waiting on tomorrow.  You only have today, yesterday is long gone and who knows what tomorrow will bring, so pick up your bucket, gather your load of rocks and stones, conquer the chaos and walk up the hill victorious leaving the emptiness of victimhood behind.  

Why unity is better than uniformity and Why do we turn to violence and turn away from talking...?

If the pen is mightier than the sword, then our attitudes are more powerful than gunpowder or ammunition.  Yet, our culture has normalized hating the people we disagree with — apparently we all want to be the one holding the microphone controlling the conversation.  But this is to our detriment because when we lose confidence in each other, we lose confidence in ourselves.  We are like cars merging on the highway refusing to yield to one other, causing a catastrophic pileup from our inability to dialogue.  

What is interfering with our ability to hold civil conversions?  Like boiling all of the flavor out, we’ve rendered all of our views down to “either/or” thinking and we’ve lost the “both/and” option because not only do we disagree on what’s best for us all or the path towards whatever is best for us, we lack a mutual respect for opposing viewpoints.

Why can’t the government just make us behave nicely?  Growing up we never had a house key, when I asked my dad why we didn’t lock our doors he told me, “Locks keep honest people honest.”  Stringent laws will not solve our society’s differences, especially the ones that turn violent.  

We need to really examine why we turn to violence as a solution and ask, is all violence preventable?  London England plans to make the purchase of pointed kitchen knives off limits, which makes you wonder how far can a nation go in their attempts to regulate what a criminal can get their hands on.  

As Cain conspired, he never conceptualized or considered a carbine — when deranged people are determined, there’s little to no deterrent that can distract them from devastation.  For example, if we had the ability to legislate morality effectively, then the citizens of Chicago could enjoy walking their streets at night and their rowdier residents wouldn’t look like Swiss cheese every weekend.  

Do differences generate violence?  Any student of the four Gospels knows that Jesus surrounded Himself with a diverse group of apostles, He had tax collectors and fishermen and zealots; the early church had to learn how to deal with different views, if you read the Gospels and Acts it is abundantly clear.  Tragically, we’ve lost sight of the value of diversity as political violence now seems to be an acceptable fact of life.  

There are certain people who we either idolize or demonize, polarizing personalities have the ability to capture our attention, they attract likeminded people, and of course they infuriate people who refuse to be influenced by them.  When it comes to polarizing people, we are either impressed with or intimidated by, we are either drawn to, or threatened by them.  Mature people know how to ignore ideas that are illogical, without feeling the need to shame or insult the people who promote foolishness, immature people on the other hand feel the need to slander everyone and anyone who holds a contrary view that’s different from theirs, but wise people can listen to people with whom they disagree and learn from them too, without feeling hostility towards them.  

Much of the empathy and sympathy that many progressives expressed last month seemed clouded by caveats and clichés, conservatives lack a stellar record of supporting detractors who suffer as well.  What we need is unity, not uniformity -- indoctrination is abominable and conformity is claustrophobic.  Tolerance for and common respect for the rights of others to form and articulate their own views is what is needed now more than ever. 

We have to be willing to accept challenges to our perceptions, if we are to challenge the views of others. We must hear people out as we would like to be listened to. We must give people the same benefit of the doubt that we ourselves wish to receive. We have to find common ground with which we agree upon and build upon that and offer the same amount of acceptance that we would hope to be accepted by.

Consider I Peter 3:8-9 &:15, “[8] Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. [9] Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing…, [15] but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect…”  When we lose sight of the reality that the people on the opposite side of the aisle are created in the image of God, that is when we have begun to idolize our ideologies -- we hold so much more in common and our differences are, for the most part, trivial and temporary.  

People who refuse to fight fairly aren’t winning arguments, they’re losing credibility.  Our deepest problem is that we are selfish and the laws our government enacts are powerless to resolve that, violence is the fruit of and ultimate expression of selfishness, once we solve our selfishness all the rest will fall in place.  

Originally published in the Kingsport Timesnews 10/10/25 Click here for the original newspaper version

Don't shake babies or kick volleyballs:

 

When our boys were growing up, our family's one-liner for categories of behaviors that were off limits was, "You don't shake babies and you don't kick volleyballs."  It was self-explanatory, it was easily understood, immediately comprehended, basically it was simple and to the point.    

Life consists of many choices contemplating: can you versus should you?  Mature people know how to distinguish between what is allowable and what is appropriate.  

There are commonsense subjects that normal people do not make fun of or celebrate, and when these values, mores, and norms are violated, there are social and cultural consequences.  We can ask who defines hate speed, are we defending free speech, and can we argue publicly over any issues we want? but we also know there are times when respect should triumph over political division and politeness over polarization.  

Is there a spiritual side to healthcare?

 

(Me when I was extremely overweight) 

While transferring nearly a decade of our sermon videos from Facebook to our church’s YouTube page https://www.youtube.com/@NewSongChurchKingsport, I cringed.  Peeking at snippets of those sermons as they uploaded revealed how plump, pudgy, and out of shape I was -- well, round is “a” shape so I guess I was in “a” shape, just not in great shape.  

Thanks to some lifestyle changes and the care of Dr. Rogers with Performance Medicine, over the past two years I’ve dropped inches off of my waistline and I’ve lost around 60 pounds (all without diet pills).  I’m at my lowest weight since the 1990s, my overall well-being has improved immensely, I can actually breathe while putting my shoes on (without seeing stars too), I no longer feel bloated, my fatigue and brain-fog are gone, and my emotional/mental-health & quality of life is much better than it has been in decades.  

I share my personal transformation to say, what is in our control is more important than what we can’t control and that taking ownership of our health through proper habits like eating and sleeping better is healthier than trying to cure situations that could be circumvented.  Yes genetics play a role in our health, and unfortunate accidents can happen to us, but the majority of our health issues will not be alleviated by the old medical approach of just “treat a condition” that could’ve been prevented.  

Which makes more sense to you, wait to go to the doctor to get treated for scurvy or take a supplement with vitamin C, or, take insulin for type 2 diabetes or regulate your diet?  As Peter Attis writes in “Outlive,” performance medicine is not passive or reactive, comparing it to the example of Noah who built the Ark, before the rain; he continued his contrast between how he learned to practice medicine in Med school to Performance Medicine, pointing out how insurance companies ignore the value of proactive measures like exercise and healthy lifestyle choices that prevent diabetes, but they pay for insulin while implementing the old “Wait and see” approach to healthcare. 

Yes there are great doctors out there, yet, do you ever feel more like a customer than a patient, are you frustrated with languishing in the waiting room for half of the day only to be rushed through your physician's visit that lasts maybe 5 to 7 minutes leaving you feeling like a widget on a conveyor belt?  I don’t blame our doctors or nurses, I think it is the folks that manage them who have decided that speed is more expedient than bedside manners because more time spent on a patient reduces their profit margins.

More importantly, does our physical health have an impact on a deeper spiritual reality, and if so how, and is there a spiritual element to our healthcare decisions?  Consider what the devil had to say concerning how much value we place on our health as God confronted him about Job, “Then Satan answered the LORD and said, “Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life.  But stretch out your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse you to your face.” (Job 2:4-5)  

What we spend on healthcare & insurance is a stewardship issue, regardless of whether we recognize it or not.  Marketing agencies will prey on our fears, healthcare conglomerates are driven by their bottom line, and lazy people will suffer the consequences of inactivity and poor lifestyle choices.  If you too are frustrated with the higher costs and disappointed by a lowered quality of your medical experiences, maybe it’s time that we consider how fear, greed, and laziness impact the healthcare industry.  

Originally published 9/12/25 in the Kingsport Timesnews click here to read

What’s the point of it all...?

Commitment, a rare virtue it seems, matters more than you might think, not simply the ability to commit to (and here you fill in the blank), but the focus and direction of our commitment matters.  Why?

With the same power that an addiction grips people with, whatever it is that captures your imagination, captivates your heart & soul, fuels your creativity, consumes your mind, drives your hopes, dreams and ambitions is your master, ruler, and king.  What we commit to matters, the clock is is ticking and life is short, so we need to harness our commitments where they count.

For all practical purposes, your accepted responsibilities are your reasons for your existence. What we are passionate about motivates us, energizes us, gets our feet out of bed in the morning, and we will willingly sacrifice our time & effort for it.  It is in the deepest sense, what we submit ourselves to, where we feel obligated, what draws our duty freely from within has won us over and holds ownership over us.

In other words, whatever it is that captures us completely is our god/God.

It’s possible to be more interested in the idea of God than God Himself.  Yes we like the notion of blessings and heavenly realms, but we aren’t exactly excited about personal transformation or taking risks for God.  We think about God once or twice a week, typically on Sunday, and then we pursue what we want.  Is that commitment?  

I'm all for gathering as the church, but sometimes church is more about preferences and church-politics.  Corporate worship assemblies we call "church" can easily miss the point.  Many people are infatuated with projects, performances, and presentations and then they wonder why they feel disconnected from God.  

Where you place your trust is what or who you worship.  Most people appear to be more interested in being spectators in a big production they tag with the label “worship” than they are interested in being in the presence of the Almighty.  The lightshow and performance are like scaffolding, and God is the House, but we settle for erecting the scaffolding without ever dreaming about entering in the House.  

How do we know the real focus of our worship?  Whatever moves you the most is what you truly worship.  Say whatever you want, but what we obsess over and allow to captivate our imagination and what are motivated by is the source of what our heart desires and thus the object of our worship.

Should worship be enjoyable, exciting, and meaningful?  I certainly hope so, but the focus of worship shouldn't be personal motivation or what we "get out of it."  The enjoyment is a byproduct, not the main point of worship.  

You are either an implement or an impediment, you are either in the way or on the way, we either lead people to God or we interfere by misguiding their focus on the trivial.  What we win people with is what we win them to, either a gimmicky production or the Glorified Person of Jesus.  Would you still "go" to church if it was only about Jesus and nothing else?  Could you worship without all the entourage and pageantry?  Worship should be about God, simple and direct.  

Why people without self control try to control you

There’s a tremendous difference between feeling powerful and actually being powerful, for example, some people childishly confuse cutting down or cutting-off others with having power.  Real power is unrelated to inhibiting others.  How so? 

Authentic power minimally includes, letting your guard down, empowering others & building them up, blessing them, and giving them what they couldn’t achieve on their own.  Yet, true power incorporates more than exhibiting vulnerability or edifying others.

So, what is power?  Power is controlling yourself, not others.  

Who are truly powerful people?  Not tyrants, but folks who practice self-control, as we read in Prov 16:32, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”

Powerful people are reserved, humble, grateful, as well as confident, and they do not believe that anyone owes them anything.  Powerless people with their fragile egos are rash, arrogant, rarely satisfied, and lacking in confidence they always feel slighted by the world.   

At the negotiating table of life it is the unconfident ones who resort to threats, steamrolling you by shunning & shaming you, not the confident people.  Weak people seek to discourage and dominate while the strong prefer to encourage and liberate.  In our desperation to feel more powerful we try harder to control others around us by withholding our affections, our compliments, even access to our very selves, but again, these pitiful efforts aren’t actual power.  

The more we feel the need to constrain others, the greater the depth of our own felt-weakness is magnified.  The weaker we feel, the stronger our struggle to appear powerful becomes -- think of bullies and how they suppress others out of a sense of ineptness, frailty, and self-loathing.  

Sadly, our culture encourages us to disregard self-control, instead to overeat, overspend, overextend, over-do-it and to ignore the consequences.  Consider the fallout resulting from the counterfeit feeling of power that high interest credit cards entice us with, and then the predatory title-loan institutions lurking in the shadows waiting to exploit those already buried in debt.  These corollary disastrous financial examples often pale in comparison to the pain we inflict on each other.

Weak people lash out at those who anger them or stand in their way while powerful people try to help people -- that’s the main outward/visible difference between weak and powerful people.  And, our actual strength or lack thereof comes down to embracing self-control.  Therefore, the most important people-skill we can instill in our children is exhibiting self-control, and as adults it might be our most important continuing endeavor as well.  

Rewriting history doesn’t really change the past, and moving the field goal when others are trying to accommodate your needs doesn’t really improve any relationship.  Perhaps the more we want to change others only amplifies how poorly we fail to personally change ourselves.  In the end, ignoring our own need for greater self-control hurts us more than we’d like to admit.