Craig Cottongim
Writing from a gray-collar perspective where ministry & concrete construction converge
Sunday, March 17, 2024
Being An Army of Ordinaries: why you should see the movie One Life
Sunday, March 3, 2024
They can’t give you what they don’t have
Quit crawling to an empty well to satisfy what your soul thirsts for, since certain people simply lack the ability to express what you long to hear, continually seeking from them what they are incapable of giving you is like drinking saltwater. Anyone can offer an eloquent eulogy after it’s too late, but only truly confident people know how to compliment you and express their appreciation in the here & now.
Perhaps they are resentful or envious of you, regardless, hoarding their affirmation probably gives them a sense of power and control over you. It’s simple to say “I’m proud of you” or “thank you for all that you do” or “wow, you are really good at what you do.” But they can’t relinquish their hold on your validation, because withholding it gives these weak people the feeling they crave most, dominance.
Rejoicing with you when you “win” in life seems impossible for them. If they were to uplift you, they feel like losers because in their emotional economy the transaction goes something like this: Encouragement gives you more quality leaving less for me, while discouragement takes value away from you leaving me with more.
Actually you do give something of yourself when you elevate others, an insight into the quality of your character. And, while discouraging you takes joy away from you, subjugators give you an insight into their heart -- their discouragement is not a true reflection of you but it is an accurate account of their wounded-brokenness.
What is a more mature path to pursue than seeking their affirmation? Shake off their dark cloud of disappointment and move on with your life. While we do not earn God’s love, He already loves us, hopefully knowing He loves us will motivate us to live in a way that pleases God, so our goal should be to seek God’s approval.
For a healthier perspective about proper ambitions, forget about those emotional bullies and consider these passages:
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Gal 1:10)
“But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.” (I Thess 2:4)
Don’t despair when dishonorable people neglect to compliment you or express their gratitude. Reinforcing their rejection, these pathetic people will never be happy for you, they won’t celebrate your victories, and at best they will rob you of whatever joy they can. People who lack empathy are incapable of edifying others, so don’t dwell on their discouragement or you’ll be miserable just like they are.
Of course this exact principle regarding encouragement applies to us all. It’s a good idea then to ask yourself, when was the last time you praised anyone around you, honestly, how frequently do you freely cheer others on?
Tuesday, February 20, 2024
Why we need a vibrant vocabulary
Do you believe being more confident and capable would improve the quality of our life? If so it becomes vital that we give each other, like a gift, a vibrant vocabulary.
I’m not suggesting a dull vocabulary is a sin that stains our soul, though it certainly shackles our mind and stifles our spiritual growth. How so?
An impoverished vocabulary limits our cognitive capabilities. In the absence of a widely varied vocabulary many insights, concepts, and ideas are simply out of our reach and we cannot fully grasp them without access to the precise words. Like guideposts along the highway, words direct our thoughts. Similar to pigments on an artist’s palette, the more words you have, the better you can paint a mental picture for yourself and others.
Jesus is titled/described as the Word, Scripture is God’s inspired word, God spoke the universe into existence. Words are essential and invaluable, they shouldn’t remain inaccessible.
Think of the times your doctor or mechanic diagnosed a problem, but then you felt a sense of embarrassment, dread, and inadequacy as they used words beyond your comprehension because their terminology exceeded your vocabulary. Now, think about visitors trying to decipher our cryptic church lingo and who are left feeling clueless, like you felt in your doctor’s office or the mechanic’s garage. Words are like tools in the workshop of our mind, or images from an MRI; words enable us to comprehend and adjust to the world around us.
An abundance of the proper words enables us to navigate the difficulties of work, relationships, and life in general. We need the correct words to communicate our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and the right words to resolve conflict and reduce confusion. Simply put, the more developed our vocabulary becomes, the more confident and capable we become.
Consider implementing these standards for our vocabulary when practicing our faith publicly as the church: First, be conscientious of visitors and novice-believers and purposely avoid language that would alienate them as we assemble. Secondly, use richer/deeper theological language in our assemblies that will strengthen our level of spiritual maturity. These transformative standards are not contradictory, but merging both of these ideas is challenging.
How do we establish a broader, thriving vocabulary? Not only do I cherish both my Johnson City and Kingsport public library cards, but many of the worthwhile books I have read required referencing a dictionary. If you want to improve the lives of those you mentor or influence, encourage a love of reading and introduce them to books/audio-books that stretch their vocabularies.
A prolific vocabulary makes possible the principles laid out in Col 4:6, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” A high quality vocabulary fuels the power of persuasion as well as comprehension -- to be able to conceptualize and dialogue with ease about the Bible and the world we inhabit, we need to develop a more comprehensive vocabulary.
Saturday, January 13, 2024
Is it weakness or wisdom: asking for or accepting help
Students need tutors, writers need editors, investors need advisers, organizations need consultants, couples in trouble need counseling, we all benefit from mentors, and we all find ourselves occasionally in situations where we need help. Pride interferes for all of us, occasionally.
Personally, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to those who have encouraged me, assisted me, helped me, guided me, taught me, and were patient with me. I would not be where I am or have achieved whatever I have, without help. I did not get where I am alone or by my own wherewithal.
I didn't learn how to work in concrete or pump concrete in a vacuum. The same can be said of ministry, preaching, writing, or a host of other areas of my life. It is by being helped I have grown as a person and experienced any level of "success" in life.
Am I weak or weaker for asking for help or for receiving offers to be helped? Actually, I am stronger in the end and better off for the help. When I first started powerlifting for example, I went months without any progress what so ever, but then when a few world champion lifters who trained with the USA Olympic team took me under their wings, I saw gains I never imagined, and I went on to take 1st place in the State and placed in the Regions.
Weightlifting is a great analogy here on this topic of asking for or receiving help because we have to train our muscles through adversity to grow muscles, this is true for us intellectually, emotionally, and personally. In other words, our personal develop and personal growth require exercises and training, and we need a coach or a spotter in the gym of life.
None of us are sufficiently independent to make it far without asking for directions or getting a helping hand. We don't want to be dependent on others and rightfully so, but we are not able to be fully independent either. Interdependence is a great balance to seek, where we complete each other and complement our weakness and strengths -- together.
Here are some passages, while not exhaustive, I think comprehensive enough to make the point, we need help from others and it is not a sign of weakness but of strength to lean on others when we need help:
Gen 2:18, "Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”"
Prov 11:2, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom."
Prov 12:15, "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice."
Prov 15:22, "Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed."
Prov 24:6, "for by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory."
Gal 6:2, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Teamwork makes the dream work is a cheesy but true statement. We all need help, it isn't weakness it is wisdom, it is a true fact of life, and the sooner we accept this the sooner we grow.
Tuesday, January 9, 2024
What can we do about hunger?
When my wife and I started dating as teenagers, she found food stashed in my bedroom. Surprised, she was curious as to why I hoarded food. A season of scarcity carved its scar during my adolescence, when, without a scrap of food in the house, we were absolutely food-poor.
I’m forever familiar with the despair hunger brings. If it weren’t for the Hensleys feeding us throughout that time, I don’t know what we would have done.
Having tasted hunger as a child, food has become my love language as an adult and our dinner table is as sacred as an altar. Those who know me know I’m a total foodie, I love to grill (over charcoal), my wife and I love to cook together, and occasionally we enjoy hosting others.
Most people don’t know why I am this way, but now you do. The pangs of food insecurity shapes you, you could say wounds you, for life.
Solving any of the problems connected to poverty is challenging, for example, balancing how we avoid enabling laziness or irresponsibility without neglecting or overlooking anyone who is actually in need. Either way you slice it, it’s hard to sleep peacefully knowing innocent children will fall asleep, fitfully, to the sound of their tummy rumbling tonight.
Not everyone has a Hensley family in desperate times, what can we do to make a real difference? Serving with the Second Harvest Food bank you won’t find much razzmatazz, but it’s rewarding. It’s hard work, but you won’t have to reinvent the wheel. Thankfully there are people who dedicate themselves to this labor of love full time, like Chuck for example.
Chuck, a Navy Vet, is hardworking, gray-haired, and full of wisdom. He wears shorts all year long, regardless what time of year it is, when you visit Second Harvest he’ll be out in the warehouse, and among other tasks, you’ll see him guiding the volunteer workforce -- folks vital to their success.
Originally published here: timesnews.net/craig-cottongim-what-can-you-do-to-make-a-difference
Monday, December 25, 2023
Changing Habits/New Year's resolutions the right way
“Tis the season” for fantasizing about New Year’s resolutions. Contemplating a gym membership yet? Beyond slimming down your waistline, consider also beefing up your biblical core. “For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” (I Timothy 4:8).
Major lifestyle changes not only intimidate us, they also fall under the frustrating “easier said than done” category. How will you reach your resolutions? Will you follow a fad, pop a miracle pill, plaster a poster on the wall? There’s a multibillion-dollar “self-help” industry for a reason, right?
Impatience interferes with changing our habits. We expect instantaneous results, while ignoring how our habits were formed over a lifetime, and we get discouraged if we don’t somehow change overnight.
We hate feeling enslaved to any habit, for example, like being hooked on tobacco. It took time, but I quit chewing 30 years ago when I was up to two tins a day — change is hard, but hard doesn’t mean impossible.
One school of thought states that our habits follow a cue, a routine and a reward. The cue is what triggers your actions, the routine is the behavior, then the reward is the sense of satisfaction you feel from the experience — just tweak those and voila...
So, how do we really change our habits? Good intentions alone will fail to transform us. Motivation is necessary, but it’s insufficient. What we need is someone cheering us on.
New Year’s resolutions often flounder because they’re just swayed by seasonal influences. Worse yet, they rely on willpower — whatever area of life you want to change, forget trying it by yourself. Whether you want to kick bad habits or kickstart good ones, lean into our faith of “one anothers.” Christianity is about transformation through fellowship. If you have one person in your corner rooting for you, you are more likely to succeed.
It’s true for folks who want to eat healthier, exercise more or simply take steps toward bettering their life. If you want to read your Bible more and watch less TV, get back into a church, be present for your family more, or simply go walking after supper every evening. It’s harder going solo. Just read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 and see.
So yes, plan to lose weight, quit smoking, eat better, pay off your credit card debt, get on a budget, whatever else you can think of to be healthier and happier — just not alone. We think we are stronger than we are. Perhaps we are when it comes to facing challenges, perhaps not when it comes to change.
It’s difficult to overcome our dependence, independently. Embracing our weakness sounds counterproductive, yet the way of the Cross is surrender and submission. It’s about death to self, it’s about His strength being sufficient, it’s about obedience to the Holy Spirit, and it’s about encouraging fellow believers. The key to successfully changing is mutual interdependence, in any and every season.
First published in the TimesNews click here
Monday, October 23, 2023
Oh, you showed me
To all who made it a point to teach me a lesson and who “showed me” I say thank you.
You showed me, those who wanted to punish or alienate me that I was stronger than my fears. You taught me how to overcome and that feeling sorry for myself isn’t necessary. You gave me the courage to face even greater challenges.
To those who showed me, unconditional love, thank you for showing me I am worthy of love and fellowship. You taught me the value of acceptance and the joy of receiving grace. I didn’t deserve your kindness and yet you blessed me anyway.
To those who somehow saw talent, ability, and strengthens within me, thank you for the courage to invest your time in me. You taught me the importance of mentoring and the rewards of edification. I could never have reached my potential without you.
Whether they wanted to hurt me or help many people have shown me truths about myself I would never have imagined possible myself. People who sought to enrage me or encourage me have all played a vital role in shaping me into the person I am. So, I say thank you to you who “showed” me.