Do you schadenfreude?

 

It’s sad, but not surprising — not everyone in your life will applaud your victories. Sadly, not everyone you like can or will celebrate your accomplishments. Sometimes when we succeed, it reminds them of their failures. It’s not your fault, instead, “it is what it is.” Just think about the depth and strength of character of John the Baptist when, referring to Jesus, John said, “He must increase, I must decrease.” (John 3:30) It’s not easy to be happy for others as they eclipse us.

When your marriage is strong, your work is going well, your children are thriving, whenever you overcome struggles and obstacles, you may long for and hope for the “pat on the back” acknowledgement or at least to have those close to you embrace your achievements. Unfortunately, when we hope for this, we usually set ourselves up for some major disappointment.

Very few people in this world, even those who share your DNA, can truly be happy for you when you “win.” Again, our winning reminds them of their losses.

Just like Cain hated Abel and Saul despised David, people will be unhappy you feel joy. As fallen humanity stains the souls of even the best of us, it’s hard to fight the urge/temptation to be envious, jealous, or even to battle selfishness itself. In fact, instead of rejoicing with us in the good times, many people experience great satisfaction when we stumble and fall. There’s a buzzword for it: Schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude is the word for when we feel pleasure over another’s misfortune. It’s a deep sense of satisfaction over witnessing a huge failure in someone else’s life; that and epicaricacy, another word for describing the delight we take in observing another’s tragedy. I imagine this weekend’s big game will provide an opportunity for this. I can’t say for sure since I won’t be watching it.

My guess is, while you’ve felt these sensations of joy over someone’s trouble, you didn’t know there were words for it. Think about that time you were tempted to resent a co-worker who received the promotion you deserved. Think about the time someone you knew hit a huge milestone with flying colors and you were stuck in a season of the doldrums.

Then again, think about the time you gossiped, gleefully, when your friend was fired or was caught in a scandal. You felt a tinge of guilt, but that guilt paled in comparison to the satisfaction you felt over their demise — that’s schadenfreude.

What’s the opposite of schadenfreude? Solidarity.

It’s hard to imagine that it actually pains people when life goes well for us, that while we experience periods of blessings they feel resentment welling up in their souls. It’s even harder to imagine there are people who rejoice over our pain. The solution? Solidarity. Find people who can celebrate your wins, who can feel joy when you succeed, and who genuinely mourn when you suffer.

For healthier relationships, meditate on these passages, Romans 12:10 and 16:17, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor,” and “I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.” This may pare down your friend circle, but when it comes to friends, quality trumps quantity. “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)

Click here to read the original article published in the Kingsport Times News