She was radiantly beautiful, and in that enchanting moment she literally was like a vision from a fairytale. I was so honored to be officiating her marriage because she was the nearest thing to a daughter I ever had -- in fact for over 20 years I had hoped this special young woman would grow up one day to marry one of our sons. And, when I saw her walking down the aisle as the audience stood in unison, I lost control.
I’ve performed plenty of weddings but this was a first for me. The preacher isn’t supposed to lose his composure and bawl like a baby at times like this. But it was useless to fight the tears, I was so choked up I was powerless to continue. I began to cry so hard that her mother beside me, her bridesmaid, handed me her handkerchief. I turned my back, collected myself, and then turned back and haltingly I continued the wedding ceremony.
Almost nothing can compare to the joy of such momentous days. We still have their “save the date” magnet on our fridge. Next month marks the two year anniversary of their special day. But presently that young couple is completely separated and sadly they are preparing to get divorced.
I’m not sure why, but around 50% of all marriages dissolve. There are many factors and variables leading into a divorce, from career choices to our friend circles, to the input of key people in our lives.
I heard long ago that going through a divorce is like “fighting a skunk in a phone booth.” If divorce was categorized as a disease, it would be our greatest epidemic -- sadly, somehow we’ve normalized it.
There's more heartache experienced through divorce than most any other monumental tragedy in life. And if there are children, the heartaches continue -- custody issues, ball games, graduations, their marriages, arrival of grandchildren, holidays, the list goes on of where you are awkwardly in attendance with your Ex over and over again.
And, on top of this pain which divorcees experience, there are too many judgmental churches who hypocritically stigmatize the divorced, treating those in failed marriages as if they are failures themselves. Shame on us for making anyone feel ostracized -- talk about shooting your wounded!
As the church, we probably need to dedicate more time praying more for our families as a whole. We are nothing if we are not Christians who nurture the family unit. I don’t care how many needs we meet in our community, if we neglect our families our work is in vain.
I believe that all married couples can realistically reconcile their differences and that if they want to strongly enough, they can avoid divorce and work through any struggles, but only if they want to. I also know, if they don’t want to work out their problems, they won’t. Marriage isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth fighting for. It’s time for the church to stand up and fight.
Originally printed in the Kingsport Times news 11/11/22
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