I know this time of year isn't easy for many people. If you are, and this isn't to be morbid, feeling less than positive about life, please know you are never alone. Never.
I felt like this was a good time to share my personal struggles again, not that I'm sad or struggling today. But it came to my attention that it might be helpful to be vulnerable and share what goes on in my own mind.
Recently I had a conversation with a good friend I've known since grade-school, this friend confessed their dark struggles and thought I couldn't possible understand. I shared how periodically there are times I ask Tammy to hide my guns for a while.
My friend said they had no idea about my own dark struggles, after all it seems like I have "it all together." I do have a great marriage. We have great friends who love us. We live in a beautiful home. We are doing good. We have a successful business. I preach in a loving church. On the outside my life looks pretty good, and it truly is. I'm extremally blessed, far beyond what I deserve.
That doesn't change what goes on, on the inside. There really is no rhyme or reason, no tangible triggers to depression and suicidal thoughts, at least in my experience.
My friend who shared they were hurting asked me to promise that before I doing anything permanently fatal that I reach out them and talk. I promised I would. It's comforting to know others also grapple or battle with similar demons, and they care enough to say, "hey let me know before you do anything..."
I don't have any answers or solutions to the problem of suicide. Yet, for those who like me who walk a fine line between this life and the next, I really just wanted to encourage you, you really aren't alone in the struggle. There are more people who understand your struggle than perhaps you know. You aren't alone.
https://youtu.be/D9F244ztjxA (this is a song I resonate with when life seems bleaker than I'd like)
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