They can’t give you what they don’t have

 Quit crawling to an empty well to satisfy what your soul thirsts for, since certain people simply lack the ability to express what you long to hear, continually seeking from them what they are incapable of giving you is like drinking saltwater.  Anyone can offer an eloquent eulogy after it’s too late, but only truly confident people know how to compliment you and express their appreciation in the here & now.   

Perhaps they are resentful or envious of you, regardless, hoarding their affirmation probably gives them a sense of power and control over you.  It’s simple to say “I’m proud of you” or “thank you for all that you do” or “wow, you are really good at what you do.” But they can’t relinquish their hold on your validation, because withholding it gives these weak people the feeling they crave most, dominance.  

Rejoicing with you when you “win” in life seems impossible for them.  If they were to uplift you, they feel like losers because in their emotional economy the transaction goes something like this: Encouragement gives you more quality leaving less for me, while discouragement takes value away from you leaving me with more.  

Actually you do give something of yourself when you elevate others, an insight into the quality of your character.  And, while discouraging you takes joy away from you, subjugators give you an insight into their heart -- their discouragement is not a true reflection of you but it is an accurate account of their wounded-brokenness.  

What is a more mature path to pursue than seeking their affirmation?  Shake off their dark cloud of disappointment and move on with your life.  While we do not earn God’s love, He already loves us, hopefully knowing He loves us will motivate us to live in a way that pleases God, so our goal should be to seek God’s approval.  

For a healthier perspective about proper ambitions, forget about those emotional bullies and consider these passages: 

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  (Gal 1:10)

“But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.” (I Thess 2:4)

Don’t despair when dishonorable people neglect to compliment you or express their gratitude.  Reinforcing their rejection, these pathetic people will never be happy for you, they won’t celebrate your victories, and at best they will rob you of whatever joy they can.  People who lack empathy are incapable of edifying others, so don’t dwell on their discouragement or you’ll be miserable just like they are.  

Of course this exact principle regarding encouragement applies to us all.  It’s a good idea then to ask yourself, when was the last time you praised anyone around you, honestly, how frequently do you freely cheer others on?