Have you ever been heartbroken by, or disappointed in one of
your children? Have any of your kids messed up, maybe they even
embarrassed you in the process? Did they run away, come home with an embarrassing/bizarre tattoo, experiment with drugs, stay out way too late with a boyfriend/girlfriend,
wreck their car, maybe they called home for bail? Did they ever tell you
they didn’t believe in your God anymore?
It hurts whenever our children exhibit behaviors that
contradict their upbringing. It can be devastating when a child you’ve
raised pursues a divergent path. During such dark times, it feels like
the pain will never dissipate, and the future seems hard to navigate.
One of the greatest mysteries in this life is how godly
parents sometimes raise ungodly young adults. You try your hardest, you
do “everything right,” and in the end, some children reject everything you ever
taught them. It simply doesn’t make sense how some of the nicest, most
faithful believers can have problems with their children.
Nothing can be more painful for parents than watching,
helplessly, as their children make choices that carry devastating
consequences. What can we do as parents when our children take a
different path than the one we hoped for?
This isn’t the time to make it about you. If your
child is on a self-destructive path, or simply slips up a little, that’s not
the time to tell your child about how their actions are reflecting poorly on
your reputation. Chances are, they want to develop their own
individuality/identity, and this time of acting-out reinforces they don’t care
about your reputation anyway. Besides, what are you really concerned
about, in the big picture, what’s more important here, your image or their
well-being?
This isn’t a time to seclude yourself either. Surround
yourself with close friends who will support you spiritually and
emotionally. God put certain people in your life for a reason, trust in
them, lean on them. You might be surprised to find out they’ve been
through some very similar situations with their own children too.
This also isn’t the time to lock yourself in the basement
until the storms of life clear up. Go on a mini-vacation, get away for a
day or two, and distance yourself from the situation so you can think
clearly. When we are anxious our ability to think rationally diminishes
drastically; you need to relax and unwind so you can think logically.
This isn’t a time to give up. Don’t lose hope.
Keep praying. Everyone has within themselves the potential to
change. Prov 22:6 isn’t a promise that your kids will never make mistakes
or they will always be faithful, but it is a truism that when you lay the right
foundation your kids will have a more stable future and a heritage to fall back
on when they need it most, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when
he is old he will not depart from it.”
This isn’t a time to build walls or lock the door.
Don’t punish them forever. Reality and consequences can often be
punishment enough. Will you need boundaries? You’ll know, or your
close friend will tell you. The point here is trust in your children,
that they can “come to their senses.” Keep a lifeline open so when the
time is right, you can welcome your prodigal home.
This is a time to reflect on your relationship with
God. Think about how you have, in your own ways and in other times, let
Him down. No, I’m not talking about your parenting style, I’m not saying you
failed as a parent and this is why your kids messed up. I’m talking about
you when you blew it in general. How did you want Him to respond when you
sinned, when you rebelled against His will, when you disappointed God?
You wanted grace. You wanted redemption. You wanted His acceptance
and unconditional love -- therefore give away to others what you wanted most
and let God be your example, not your excuse.
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