There's an overlooked element to grace, i.e., "what is the goal" of grace. There's more to grace than we give it credit for. Before I share the goal of grace, let's state the obvious: No one is perfect; we all make mistakes, we all frustrate others.
In that moment when someone points out our need for improvement, have you ever stopped and asked, "Why can't people just give me a little more grace?" It seems like some people will never be satisfied and it feels like they will never accept us for who we are. But, would they be doing us any favors if they treated us the way we wanted to be treated by asking them to turn a blind eye to our faults?
No one should ever belittle us, demean us, put us down, or humiliate us. If we aren't careful though, we lie to ourselves and twist every negative sounding comment we hear about ourselves into something it isn't. That's not very inspirational, it's not even spiritual.
Yes it feels discouraging when someone expresses their disappointment in any of our patterns, it's almost insulting, but is this their fault or is this ours? Perhaps we should rephrase the question, "Why can't you give me a little more grace." What would be a better question to ask? How about asking for their help. Ask for their advice on how you can grow. Once we get to the goal of grace, this line of questioning might make more sense.
Think of what it's like to have a supervisor train us in a new position, a sport's coach pushing us, or anyone who strives to help us reach our potential -- motivation, correction, and direction doesn't always come with warm fuzzies. Yet, if you've ever started a new job, tried a new activity, or attempted to gain any new skills, you know it's impossible to grow without a mentor.
Yes it feels discouraging when someone expresses their disappointment in any of our patterns, it's almost insulting, but is this their fault or is this ours? Perhaps we should rephrase the question, "Why can't you give me a little more grace." What would be a better question to ask? How about asking for their help. Ask for their advice on how you can grow. Once we get to the goal of grace, this line of questioning might make more sense.
Think of what it's like to have a supervisor train us in a new position, a sport's coach pushing us, or anyone who strives to help us reach our potential -- motivation, correction, and direction doesn't always come with warm fuzzies. Yet, if you've ever started a new job, tried a new activity, or attempted to gain any new skills, you know it's impossible to grow without a mentor.
If we shield ourselves from feedback or advice, how will we ever grow?
Grace is unconditional, it takes us where we are, accepts us for who we are, but true grace refuses to leave us where it finds us. Grace wants more for us than mediocrity or immaturity.
Grace is unconditional, it takes us where we are, accepts us for who we are, but true grace refuses to leave us where it finds us. Grace wants more for us than mediocrity or immaturity.
So what is the goal of Grace? The goal of grace isn't to hinder or stifle our personal growth, the goal of grace is to make us mature and carry us far past the arrested development we've come to enjoy. Complacency kills. Apathy is the enemy, not your "critic."
Grace isn't the removal of standards or expectations. The opposite of grace says, let's leave the training wheels on a little longer. The opposite of grace is, please keep your suggestions, expectations, and disappointments to yourself. It's not unloving sharing your frustrations, withholding frustration is deceptive. Would you rather people lied to you? Only liars tell you what you want to hear all the time. Are those the people you want to surround yourself with?
Grace is nothing if it isn't transformational. The goal of grace is change.
Grace expects growth: "But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen." (II Pet 3:18) Also, Grace isn't about excuses to continue in bad behavior: "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?" (Rom 6:1-3)
The next time someone cares enough about you to point out a flaw, shortcoming, or anything that is interfering with you having healthier relationships, don't fall into the temptation to manipulate them by misusing the word grace and cry out, "I just need a little grace here." Instead, ask for real grace, and ask for some guidance. If you really want to be happy and have enjoyable relationships, learn to accept feedback.
In the end, you have to ask yourself: Is it narcissism, arrogance, or pride that causes me to reject, resent, and resist advice? It might simply be your desire to control others and every situation, but you need to confront the reason you oppose the standards others have. Would you rather they lower their standards and expectations and leave you to wither away in your comfort zone, or would you rather grow? It's your choice, and while we can't change anyone else, we ourselves can change -- but not on our own.
The next time someone cares enough about you to point out a flaw, shortcoming, or anything that is interfering with you having healthier relationships, don't fall into the temptation to manipulate them by misusing the word grace and cry out, "I just need a little grace here." Instead, ask for real grace, and ask for some guidance. If you really want to be happy and have enjoyable relationships, learn to accept feedback.
In the end, you have to ask yourself: Is it narcissism, arrogance, or pride that causes me to reject, resent, and resist advice? It might simply be your desire to control others and every situation, but you need to confront the reason you oppose the standards others have. Would you rather they lower their standards and expectations and leave you to wither away in your comfort zone, or would you rather grow? It's your choice, and while we can't change anyone else, we ourselves can change -- but not on our own.
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