Saturday, March 7, 2020

How casinos are a sure bet for your church!

Please tell me you aren’t one of those Christians protesting the incoming casinos like some sort of fundamentalist? Quit sulking and wake up; you'd have to be crazy to reject venturing on these casinos. Now that they are fortuitously proposing a casino near the Pinnacle, as well as in the old Bristol mall, it almost feels like an old TV commercial, “But wait, there's more! Order now and you get two for the low cost of...” 

What could possibly go wrong? After all, who’s to say gambling is a sin? You can’t point to a book chapter and verse in the Bible that says, “Thou shalt not gamble...” And it’s not like some of you don’t buy and sell stocks or invest your money in an IRA... retirement is a real crapshoot if you ask me! Let’s not be too hypocritical -- let’s stop and speculate the golden opportunity these casinos will bring all the churches in our community.

I’d wager this might be the best opportunity in a century for our churches to serve the Tri Cities. Why? Think about how many dads will blow their entire paycheck, bankrupting their households. Think of the chance for your benevolence team to pony up here since mom won’t have grocery money or rent money now that dad hits the casino every payday. Talk about an exciting time for church-goers to be living in, seeing family after family in our community devastated and ravaged by the lure of easy money, only to see their finances ruined.

Quick thought: Perhaps your church can raffle off seats for your next financial seminar? Talk about our good fortune -- may Dave Ramsey save us all!

After dad destroys the family finances, you know mom & dad will need some marriage counseling. Think how your once idle pastoral staff can get in on the action now! Of course counselling won’t fix their problems, and they will more than likely divorce, but that’s okay, because now your youth ministry can be there for Johnny and Sally as they spiral into a deep depression because their folks split up. I really hope those kids don’t self-medicate or play Russian-Roulette because of this dark horse!

Man, can it get any better? You bet it can (as long as your good tithers don’t get cold feet and move away)! I know it feels like winning the lottery being the “chosen” site for this, but as the studies show every casino brings in a certain element to the community they infiltrate: The underbelly of the crime-world.

Forget hating the scumbags that run the “legal” title loan industry you love to loathe, save your judgement for the true sinners because we’ll get some real loan sharks in the hood now! Talk about a golden opportunity for your church to serve this community, once the criminal community moves in like the mafia descending on little Italy, your police will be overwhelmed trying to keep up with their new challenges: More prostitution, car-thefts, break-ins, and if we are lucky, maybe the news can finally show us some good old fashioned gangland shootings too.

If you play your cards right, hopefully your Pastor can do a “ride-along” with the deputies and just think of the sermon illustrations he’ll generate for Sunday morning! No more boring sermons here, thank the Lord for the end of sleepy-sermon time! I wonder if the pastor will make a cameo on “Southern Justice” once the TV networks realize they aren’t done here yet?

By the way, it’s not too late to set up a support group for the bail-bondsmen in your churches who will be working overtime now. Also, make sure the youth pastor draws the short straw and is the one setting up the chairs for dad’s Gambling Anonymous meeting that loiters here, I mean gathers here, later on this week.

The odds are in our favor that we’ll never need to search for opportunities to serve the community again. Talk about a trifecta, I’d venture the Gospel will become front and center in our crime-ridden, decimated family-unit, poverty-stricken region once the casinos bleed us dry. Let’s welcome and embrace the chance to get into the action and let our light shine in what’s a sure bet to become an even darker time. This is the chance you’ve waited for, though your foreign mission committee might be at risk because of the fires you're putting out in your own backyard, but don’t sweat it, that’s the price we pay to ante up in our community. Once you run the numbers, you’ll see these casinos are heaven-sent -- you can stake your church’s future on it.


No comments: