Critical Christians just leave the judging to Jesus

 

Whenever I find myself being critical of someone over an extended period of time it robs me of my ability to be introspective and in turn I forfeit a lot of personal peace.  Ignoring the dangers of being judgmental is risky, it can cripple our character. 

Why is it almost second nature for us to be judgmental?  For whatever reason, it is easier to obsess about the flaws in others than it is to acknowledge our own & to see ourselves as the hero while we tend to be more critical of people around us.  Judging is easy, unconsciously easy.  

The major difference between maturity and immaturity is the ability to see clearly.  Seeing ourselves and others realistically is hard, which is why so few people do.  

How do we accurately assess ourselves?  Asking for feedback from others is intimidating and it can make us defensive, but it’s hard to grow on our own.  Either way, focusing on the mistakes of others won’t build your character or develop your personality.  

Anyone can complain, it takes someone special who is proficient at recognizing their own weaknesses and isn’t troubled by the achievements and the strengths of others.  The need to feel confident is not wrong, as long as confidence isn’t confused with superiority.  

Instead of looking at others, look to others.  Find areas where you can improve, and allow others to influence you where they are stronger, anything less is hypocritical. 

Matthew 7:1-5, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

We probably tend to see the petty flaws in others because it helps us to deflect the attention away from our need for growth. Focusing on their flaws isn’t the best way to develop oneself.  

Instead of shamefully pretending we have it all figured out and seeing other people as the villain when we are unhappy, look inward.  The less genuine we are, the less satisfied we are — the more we complain the more miserable we become.  Maybe this is why joy is so elusive.  

Somewhere between lying to yourself about how great you are and beating yourself up over your imperfections you can find peace.  It can be hard to be honest with yourself, but the happiest people seem to know that they aren’t perfect but they aren’t wretched either.  

Our challenge isn’t aging gracefully, keeping our mind intact, or being productive. Our challenge and task is to quit looking at everyone else’s mistakes, accept responsibility for our own, and offer the same grace to others that we would like to receive ourselves. 

When they talk about you/How to sift through petty conversations & be a better friend

 

It’s slightly ironic that people in our region are more likely to believe you if you say you spotted a Bigfoot than if you claim to have seen a mountain lion.  I actually saw a mountain lion here in Kingsport, it ran out right in front of me while I was driving, plain as day, yet one of the neighbors asked if I also saw a unicorn as well.  

Which is easier for us to see in others, the good or the bad? Somehow we’ve unwisely come to the point in our culture where we eagerly accept bad news about others and we tend to see the worst in people immediately. Conversely, we tirelessly wait for their “true colors” to come out if they seem to be behaving nicely. 

Most people will blindly listen to someone slam us and they will carelessly deem we are guilty instantly-- much quicker than they will ever believe our success stories.   I’m not sure I understand why we struggle with this willfully, but if someone tells us the preacher’s teenage daughter is pregnant, unthinkingly we don’t question it, but if we hear the child was an honor roll student, suddenly we are skeptical.  

It’s bad enough when immature people spread trash-talk like politicians poisoning the well and slinging mud in a primary debate, it’s worse when we hastily entertain these accusations. Without even analyzing what we’ve heard or “going to the source” we often pass on this embarrassing information so others can “pray more intelligently.”  Remember James 1:26 and the warning to control what we say, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.”

We are quick to gossip, judge, and quick to scandalize -- like we read in Prov 16:28, “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”  Shame on us when we recklessly ruin other people’s reputations.   

Mature people, on the other hand, know how to ask the right questions when they hear something troubling and they know how to practice discretion.  Mature people also have enough common sense and integrity to steer clear of toxic conversations.  Proverbs 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

You already wonder what slanderous people say about you when you are absent, but ask yourself when someone is sharing scandalous information about a common companion with you, why are they telling me this bit about this other person and why at this time?  Why would they try to smear this other person’s reputation now? Also it’s good to ask yourself, does this bad report match up with what you’ve personally experienced over the long run with the person in question?  

A mature person knows how to filter through what they hear and they know how to interpret motives.  Therefore, pause and think about it the next time someone starts talking poorly about other people you know because you will see what you want to see in others, if you want it long enough.  

There's a popular meme that summarizes the ease at which people will spread false information about us, and how we can respond as mature adults: 

We are all in this together

I’d like to think I would do it differently if I could, but clearly you can’t go back. A friend of mine Randy uses a phrase weekly, and it helps me to have a better attitude going forward.

Regretfully, in my 20s & 30s I was more immature than I’d like to admit. Reflecting with some painful clarity, I cringe remembering how rude & arrogant I was -- I was cocky to say the least. Youth, strength, and talent can go to your head, messing with your heart. What I needed back then was a better perspective, a perspective I gained by returning to my roots in concrete and meeting Randy.

When I transitioned in my mid-40s from traditional full time pastoral work to planting a church, I entered a realm new to me by becoming bi-vocational. These last 11 years of my 28 years in ministry I have been in two worlds, so to say. I returned to the work I did before following the call to ministry, concrete construction, and the Lord has blessed our family beyond imagination as we minister and work in concrete simultaneously.

Strangely enough, I’ve learned more about people, myself, and my relationship with God serving bi-vocationally. And, I’ve met some wonderful people I never would have had I remained in traditional pastoral ministry, amazing people like Randy over at Summers and Taylor.

Randy is a dispatcher for a local concrete company, which means he and the team of dispatchers he works with deal with logistics. They schedule with contractors the delivery of the concrete, they coordinate with the batch plant, and the drivers. I talk to dispatch dozens of times weekly. Stressful isn’t a strong enough word for the job they do; their work is like a combination between being air traffic controllers and herding cats. The people they deal with and the responsibilities they carry are demanding. Yet, Randy has a perspective I’ve needed for years, and hearing him each week repeat his mantra helps me immensely.

By the way, you might not know it but the second most used commodity in the world is concrete, second only to water. As a building material, concrete is used twice as much as wood, steel, aluminum, and plastic all combined. Concrete is everywhere, in fact one could easily make an argument that our civilization itself rests on the durability of concrete. We have roads, water treatment plants, structures for industry and education, our very homes, and more, all dependent on the enduring strength of concrete.

As we try to strategize and schedule work, at least once a week Randy will say over the phone, “We are all in this together.” In other words, we are all doing the best we can, we all have challenges, we all need to be patient & understanding and let’s all do our best to cooperate -- like the old saying, “Teamwork makes the dream work.”

Most everyone we know is facing difficulties and trials. Life is hard and the more we see life as a competition, the more difficult we make matters -- this is true in our churches, homes, places of work, and our communities. Our Political system is probably the “best” example of how counterproductive competition in life is.

There’s a powerful metaphor mixed-up within the word “concrete.” Unpacking its etymology, “Con” meaning “together,” and “crescere” meaning “to grow up,” by deconstructing or taking apart the Latin combined to give us the word “concrete,” we get the captivating imagery of “growing up together.”

The Bible is filled with examples of how we grow transformationally, together. Spiritual maturity requires cooperation and mutual participation through a community. Consider Prov 27:17, “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.” Here’s a “concrete” example from Eph 4:15-16, “15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”

All too often we compete with others for status, attention, or position, and in doing so we fail miserably to reach our full potential. Life would be better all the way around if we could only learn to respect each other and cooperate more, that’s why I appreciate Randy’s phrase “We are all in this together.”