Why it's best to just speak your mind

 

One of the biggest paradoxes ever is the excitement of the holidays along with the sadness that accompanies the holidays. The holidays can be joyful and festive, but this season can also be rough on all of us. Some of us will go to the cemetery and sweep leaves off of our loved ones’ headstones, wishing we had one more day to spend with them.

Maybe we will look around the table during this holiday season, missing loved ones who have moved away, passed away, or who simply have decided to stay away.

Seemingly, to make it rougher during the holidays, they say that we shouldn’t talk about “religion or politics” when we gather together to celebrate. If you can’t talk about subjects you’re faithful to or passionate about with people who share the same last name as you, perhaps these relationships were too fragile in the first place.

If you have to pretend you are something you are not to maintain any relationship, then I doubt there is much of a relationship worth maintaining. I am not advocating “stirring the pot” or purposely riling people up just to be irritating. I am saying, it’s time to be yourself.

So, to be clear, the holidays can be a gloomy time and yes family gatherings are ripe for conflict — but who wants to walk on eggshells their entire life?

Now is the season to celebrate faith and family, but if you can’t express yourself freely, within reason, you’ll not only resent your family, you’ll despise yourself for being a phony.

The same can be said of your relationships at church or work.

It’s a lose-lose situation to pretend to be someone who you are not. Biting your tongue only serves to suppress what you really think, believe or stand for. When you go against yourself long enough, you slowly erode your soul.

When we pretend to be someone we aren’t to simply gain the acceptance of others, they aren’t really accepting a true version of us. So we not only deceive those around us, we senselessly censor and suppress ourselves. This isn’t healthy. The end result is, not only won’t we like those we are trying to impress, we will eventually hate ourselves for carrying on the charade.

Jesus says in John, Chapter 8 that the devil is the father of lies. Why would we want to perpetuate a false persona to those around us? That’s the biggest lie ever told!

So perhaps the best gift that you can give yourself this holiday season is the permission to be yourself. It’s honest and true, and it’s the best you that you have to offer.

Therefore, when you get together with your family and friends, talk about politics, talk about religion, share your true opinions on whatever subject comes up — don’t let anyone bully you or shame you into silence.

This holiday season, as you reminisce with your loved ones make sure you are there with them fully, but make sure it is actually the real you who is present. Not half of you, not part of you, not a fake version of what you think they want to see so they can accept you — be the real you. The reality is, if you can’t be true to yourself, you can’t be true to others.

Of course, you can already guess what the flip side of this coin is, can’t you? The same grace you hope to receive from those around you so that you can truly be yourself, you’ll need to extend to those around the table as well.

Originally published in the Kingsport TimesNews:

https://www.timesnews.net/news/faith/its-time-to-be-yourself/article_8db9df74-2a92-11ec-bdf7-bf3ee684f91c.html

Dear Leftists, Quit pretending to care

For all the people who are in a perpetual uproar over the American injustices and inequalities they rage against, please, funnel your energies with a bit more consistency.   You voices are loud, but your actions...?

Studies that research generosity show by region and voting patterns that people who are the most generous people populate certain areas known for, you guessed it, being conservative.  There is no law against opening up your own wallet and addressing areas you are concerned about, that would speak a lot louder than the hate speech that floods the media these days.

You want to open to the borders of our nations and you want sanctuary cities to continue, how about leaving your car unlocked or your home?  Sounds insane, I know.  You do have borders you recognize and expect others to respect, so please stop pretending like your entire world is open and free.  You have lines drawn, they may not be the same as others, but you have them.  

You think contemporary protesters who loot, burn, and vandalize major cities are on the side of truth and justice and that the vast minority of bad police officers represent the majority of police forces, which justifies the behavior of the protesters.  All the while innocent business owners watch their hard work destroyed and demolished by people who apparently are unemployed, after all who has this much free time on their hands to "protest"?  Every economist will tell you, the driving force behind the American economy is small business.  The people who are suffering the brunt end of these "protests" are small businesses who have their storefronts smashed, and their merchandise stolen.  I'm not sure how cheering this on displays care and concern for society.  

If you really care about making a change, do the hard work of building something up, rather than tearing down the structure that enables you to even have the rights and privileges to complain.  Go serve in a soup kitchen instead of vandalizing restaurants or watching/approving of others who vandalize them.  Tutor minorities who need mentors and structure in their lives, instead of endorsing brutality against the police, who by the way have sacrificed a lot to keep rough neighborhoods as as safe as they can.  Help find ways to eliminate illiteracy instead of grinning while people willingly let the libraries burn.  

As it is now, all of your negativity, gratuitous rioting, empty rhetoric and petty diatribes merely show the rest of us how little you really care about improving the world.  Change our minds and show us you really do care.  

When we only talk with people who already agree with us

Have you noticed how difficult it has become to disagree with other people? Trump is a great example, he gets everyone talking -- we’re just not talking with the right people. How so? People on one side think that he can do no wrong, while other people believe he can’t do anything right. You either have a zealot-like loyalty to him, or you find him utterly loathsome. Just like the topic of abortion, there is no middle ground when it comes to talking about Trump.

The same could be said for discussing transgender people teaching sex-ed to preschoolers, current events in the Middle East, or immigration. We are too polarized these days. Worse yet, we can’t even seem to have a civil conversation with people “on the other” side of any issue.

FYI: It is okay to be neutral on the topic of the President, and, not every discourse is “hate speech” simply based on the fact you that disagree. You are not homophobic or Islamophobic whenever you voice a different view than what is held on the TV talk-shows. Yet, our culture has bullied us into silence when it comes to speaking up in the public square whenever we voice our conscience about the moral decline we see daily.

I find it ironic when a relativistic culture that on the one hand claims “what’s true for you isn’t true for me” (discarding logic and reason) wants to set a standard for diversity that is dependent on the stipulation that you can speak up only as long as you are in complete agreement with their views. There really isn’t room for exchanging ideas within this false diversity when their standard tells the other side to be quiet or acquiesce because you are hateful whenever you disagree with them.

How has our culture kept you quiet? They shame you and guilt you into silence, as they marginalize your mainstream-traditional virtues, claiming you are “intolerant.” And you probably think that you should remain quiet, since that’s the polite thing to do. The people who would suppress your voice, they are banking on you to be polite. And it works after-all, since all good Christians are polite like Jesus was.

Forget the fact Jesus braided a whip and drove out the money changers. Ignore the disciples asking Him in Matthew 15:12, “Don’t you realize the Pharisees were offended...?” by what He said. Jesus wasn’t killed for being polite. We somehow imagine Jesus to be charming and witty, almost like a candidate running for office or a TV game-show host, all the while forgetting He was killed for speaking the truth which offended people.

Jesus wasn’t combative, critical, or judgmental when He disagreed or when He voiced His unpopular ideas. He was confident, compassionate, creative, and caring when He shared the truth. Unfortunately, we as believers don’t even practice Jesus’ example on dialoguing with other Christians. Until we can do a better job of disagreeing amongst “ourselves” over the gray areas of theology or faith, are we really in a place to correct the world? It doesn’t have to be an either or, i.e., either we finally achieve unity or we can’t reach out period. But, we certainly need to avoid hypocrisy. And, we need to do whatever we are going to to improve our ability to dialogue soon.

When it comes to discussing our differences in the public square, it seems like both sides are merely perpetuating echo-chambers where all we are doing is sharing our opinions with other people who already hold the same views which we do. Sure, it’s comfortable, but it’s also catastrophic. Revolts, riots, and revolutions happen when you suppress people. There’s a reason Proverbs 27:17, “As Iron sharpens iron” is in your Bible. It’s healthy to respectfully disagree and to challenge each other.

The only way we will grow and mature as people is through comparing and contrasting ideas and through open dialogue. When we lose our way in this matter, the church becomes irrelevant and we are lost as a civilization.