What a dying friend taught me about hospitality

I thought I had a pretty good grasp on the topic of hospitality. I’ve known for years and I have preached about how hospitality is essential for strengthening Christian communities; nothing bonds people more than sharing time around a table. Our door at home is an open door and our adult children have carried on themselves, what we have modeled for them their whole life. We’ve hosted small groups in our home over the years -- more times than I can count. I’ve trained church leaders in hosting groups in their homes. I even helped put a book together on hospitality several years ago. But unexpectedly tonight, I learned something new about hospitality.

Even after all of these years of practicing the habit of hospitality I discovered something I hadn’t considered. How did I learn this? Sandy taught me. Sandy who? Sandy is a member of our church, but you may know her as well as a local hairdresser; she owns Attitudes Salon on Center street. The ever fashionable and cheery Sandy taught me something valuable about hospitality and I’ll never forget her lesson.

You see, my wife and I have enjoyed having a hospitable home for as long as I can remember, but, I’ve kind seen hospitality as a one-way blessing and somewhat as a chore -- yes a labor of love is probably a better term. But still, being hospitable requires some work, or so I thought. And, I’ve thought about all of the people “we’ve” blessed by opening our home to them. By work, I mean I have thought in terms of all of the meals we’ve prepared, and then the dishes to be done, and of course the prerequisite vacuuming and dusting before everyone arrives, whew. As for the directional-blessing, I have always thought about how the folks who received the gift of your hospitality are, well, they are the ones being blessed by you.

But, tonight I saw hospitality through the eyes of Sandy, Sandy who has inspired my wife and me for quite awhile as we have watched Sandy face health battles that would've left me crying in a corner and probably grumpy and not very nice. Tonight, Sandy was resting comfortably in her living room, in a hospital bed.

Pouty, whiny, cranky? Not Sandy. She remains steadfastly cheerful, optimistic, strong, and she has the most positive outlook I’ve ever seen anyone have. Quick-witted and funny as ever, she said a few things tonight that opened my eyes to a deeper truth about hospitality.

Here’s what Sandy taught me, hospitality doesn't merely bless the visitor, it blesses the host. Sandy shared how much she loves people and how she loves having company over. I know that doesn't sound profound or earth-shattering, but the more I thought about her words, the more I saw how much I’ve misunderstood the topic.

We enjoy having people over and sharing meals, sure. Also, I never took myself for a Martha (she’s the one who is complaining to Jesus about all the hard work & preparation she was doing, in Luke 10:38-42), I love to cook, especially grilling, and while I’ve never been bitter about having houseguests, I have always seen hospitality as hard work. More importantly though, I really hadn’t understood how much of a blessing having company over can be for some people.

I’m not recommending you invite yourself over to someone else’s house just so you can bless them, though that occurs to me that’s kind of a funny thought, “Hey I’m coming over, just wanted to bless your day...” I am saying, when you offer to host a meal you’ll be blessed and when you receive an invitation into someone’s home, you might brighten their day and bless them more than you knew you could.

Liberation from sin: Name the secret, break the power

You know right from wrong, and you know the grip certain sins can have on you personally. Sin is fun, often quite enjoyable. I don’t have to list out here every gory sin for you, but it should be no surprise that sin can become all-consuming. Sin, just like quicksand, seemingly sucks us in the more we fight it. Is there any hope, especially the deeper we sink into the sin that has engulfed us?

On top of the fact that we find our sin pleasurable, as you already know, sin can embarrass us. Which is why we usually hide our sinful activity from those who matter to us. Whether you’re skimming money off the top, hooked on pornography, or neck-deep in an affair, I doubt you are posting anything about it on Facebook for your family to see. Therefore, the last idea that pops in our mind is telling someone about our sin-struggle. Yet, telling someone you trust is actually one of the most important steps you can take to find freedom.

What we need most is the thing we usually avoid, which is why what James writes in 5:16 seems counterintuitive, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” Why/how does this awkward step of confessing our sin make a difference?

Naming the secret breaks its power over us. Satan traffics in secrecy and humiliation. Satan uses lies and manipulation to keep us enslaved. Verbalizing our sin to another unshackles us from the hold it has on us. How does telling others our dirty little secrets help? We, normally, don’t want to disappoint those we care about. By telling them what we've been up to, they have an opportunity to encourage us, advise us, and keep us accountable.

Confession isn’t about rule-keeping, it’s about being supported by like-minded people who want the best for each other. James says it’s about being honest with other believers who will pray for us, intercede for us, strengthen us. Satan wants to alienate us, so he whispers in our ear “if they really knew what you were into...” Don’t fall for that.

Confession doesn’t deepen our shame, it erases it. Most people share similar struggles, like I Cor 10:13 states, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man....” Therefore, when we reveal what we are trapped in, others can empathize, since many people have had one type of struggle or another. In other words, nearly everyone understands where you are too.

Just like the way mold thrives in dark damp corners, sin grows when it’s hidden. Which is why bringing sin into the light is vital. Consider what Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:7-14, “7 Therefore do not become partners with them; 8 for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9 (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10 and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”

Compare this to what we read in John 3:19-21, “19 And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. 20 For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. 21 But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”

Dreaming your sin problems will go away on their own, putting off addressing it, and thinking you can control this on your own is simply delusional. Whatever darkness that is swallowing you up alive, you need to tell someone who loves you, someone you trust, someone who will pray with you and for you. Please remember, when you name the secret you break its power, and when you break its power you will find freedom. May you be healed and whole, and enjoy the blessings of fellowshipping with other imperfect people who stumble but don’t give up either.

The power of a broken plate:

It's weird, but when this plate broke, it hit me rather hard, leaving me with an unexpected emotional reaction.  You see, if you've eaten a meal at our table in the last 20-plus years, you were served food off of one of these plates.  I have to admit, when Tammy bought the set I wasn't happy. 

We were passing through Springfield Missouri on our way home from Oklahoma, returning from the Tulsa Soul Winning Workshop when Tammy went into a store I was unfamiliar with at the time, Tuesday Morning.  She came out with the complete set of dishes, including saucers, coffee cups, soup bowls, the whole kit & caboodle.  The last thing I wanted to do was load these up in our minivan. 

But, Tammy knew, if were were going to practice hospitality properly, we needed something presentable like these.  Over time, I grew to appreciate the set and I can admit, I'm truly glad Tammy picked the set up. 

When this plate broke, it reminded me instantly of the many friends and dozens of guests we had served meals to on these plates over the years.  The laughter, the tears, the comings & goings of life, all passed over these plates like a change of seasons.  We've bonded with people and shared life around a number of tables and in many rooms in several houses, meeting new friends and saying good bye to others, but all in the presence of these plates. 

It's amazing how something so simple as a broken plate has the power to remind one of the depth of fellowship and its role in our life.  I imagine over time, each of these plates will finally find their way to the garbage, but not before they leave their mark.